A whispering upon the ear
A red velvet touch
The flow of life

The unwavering truth
The sound of the crow.

it's not aloud
they say
it's against what we believe in
they say
it's a sin
they say
but did they know
that the only thing sinful
was the way they caged me
and hid me from the outside?
i know nothing of the world
outside these four walls
but what i do know
is that it's a sin
to keep me
locked inside
when i all i've ever wanted
was to be free

473

I am ashamed—I hide—
What right have I—to be a Bride—
So late a Dowerless Girl—
Nowhere to hide my dazzled Face—
No one to teach me that new Grace—
Nor introduce—my Soul—

Me to adorn—How—tell—
Trinket—to make Me beautiful—
Fabrics of Cashmere—
Never a Gown of Dun—more—
Raiment instead—of Pompadour—
For Me—My soul—to wear—

Fingers—to frame my Round Hair
Oval—as Feudal Ladies wore—
Far Fashions—Fair—
Skill to hold my Brow like an Earl—
Plead—like a Whippoorwill—
Prove—like a Pearl—
Then, for Character—
Fashion My Spirit quaint—white—
Quick—like a Liquor—
Gay—like Light—
Bring Me my best Pride—
No more ashamed—
No more to hide—
Meek—let it be—too proud—for Pride—
Baptized—this Day—a Bride—

Tobias.
A handsome, broad-shouldered man with soft earth-brown eyes,  that lived in 18th century England, who then came to America with his mother and father plus his eight brothers.
He would die of fever at the age of 23.
After he died,  he did not move on to the afterlife, instead he was chosen by a group of elders called The Guard.
As a Guardian, he was tasked a keeper of human lives selected  by The Guards' standards as 'changers,' or humans that change the course of history.
Tobias rejected his forced calling and attempted to abandon his task.
The oldest of The Guard, Helten, a man thousands of years old (only looking 40), approached him and asked a simple question, "Why do you want to truly die?"
Tobias was silent,  until Helton added,
"There is a Shift after your changer."
Shifters, or Shifts,  are the enemies of the Guardians and their mission is to destroy all changers so that Shifts can take their place and change the world to their liking.
Tobias added gruffly,  "Which one?"
"Daniel."
Tobias' hand squeezed into a fist. He hated Daniel ever since the 1920's. He wanted a rematch since that idiot tried to **** his charge for a cigarette.
Tobias wanted to punch him.  Hard.
His eyes flashed crimson,  and his fists turned blue flame.
"Where is he?!" Daniel growled.
Helton smirked,
"Pennslyvania."

I couldn't smile today, of all days.
I felt so mad,  angry,  at the routine of everyone.
Hating someone then pretending to love them irritates me.
Christmas is supposed to be joyous, a time of smiles and joy with memories.
Getting mad when you don't get the gift you wanted?  Grow up.  
I watched someone I love not be able to stand up to hug his family at Christmas!
Angry because someone took your ***** Santa gift and you had to pick another one?  
Grow up.  
I had to pick up my hearts pieces--for falling in love with a drug addict--and now that I have chosen someone else, I am having to learn how to love all over again.
Unwrapping presents is a subculture beneath the societal continuation of "Christmas"
We don't know the true meaning,
All we know is there are gifts involved.
What if you truly sat back and watched everyone else open their presents?
Watch their faces and reactions to something you made instead of something you bought

I surprised him on Christmas Eve.
I made him think I had to work all evening,
Only I pulled in his driveway, called his parents to let them know I made it, and then I asked him to Skype with me via text.
He obliged, and as the camera turned on I saw his eyes twinkle,
You look beautiful
So do you
What are you doing?
Sitting in my car, you?
In a sun room,  waiting for family
Well, could you do me a favor?
Yea,  sure,  what? *
(stepping out of my car)
Could you turn behind you and look out the sun room glass and add one more person that can wait with you?

He rolls his chair around, where I am standing in his backyard facing the sun room,  all dressed up for him.
His eyes water,  and he starts heading out the door towards me
Kat,  I thought you had to work
I had you fooled,  didn't I?
I wanted to surprise you for Christmas
You did Kat

He wraps me in a deep hug,  
Kisses my cheek,
And softly whispers in my ear,
Best. Present. Ever.*
That makes two of us.

Life to me is never about what you get from others but what you give to others.

Breathe
Feel your heartbeat
Call someone you know
Email someone from the past
Let your hair down
Look at yourself, and say,  "Beautiful"
Tell someone they look awesome
Play a video game with your sibling
(or a buddy)
Read a book
Meditate
Go for a walk
Dance
Anything that you enjoy--
Singing
Eating pizza
Spaghetti
--that tells you that your existence is important
Blow your own mind
with trivia
random acts of kindness
travel
See a new country
Exercise
Buy a candy bar
Put a puzzle together
Draw

Find who you really are in any way,
not because it is a person telling you
what you should be, where you go, what clothes look good,  what makes you great
Make your own path
Make your own happiness
It is so you can smile
Create your own joy
And then stick your finger to the person that is trying to force you to conform!