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buckettears Jul 2019
Feel my toes curl over the edge
Feel the wind blow around my arms
Feel the welcoming arms of the cold, hard ground.
buckettears Nov 2018
"The sun will still rise tomorrow if I **** myself"

"Flowers will still bloom if I **** myself"

"The radio will still play upbeat music if I **** myself."

Yes, these things will keep happening. But you know what else will happen?

All the lovers you've had will hold close the pieces of you they have left and wonder if it was something they did that caused it. Your younger siblings will wish that they had slept in your bed more often because now that you're gone they hardly remember the comfort that they had sleeping next to you. Your older siblings will think about times you were upset and they never asked what was wrong. Your best friends will become shells of themselves, beating themselves up for not realising you were not okay. Your mother will not be able to walk through the door of the house without looking for your shoes on the mat, and wondering if you did this to yourself because she yelled at you for tracking dirt. Your father will not drink his morning coffee on the couch, because he remembers how many times you sat there with him and ate your cereal.

Yes, the sun will rise, the flowers will bloom, and the radio will play happy songs. But without you, we do not want the sun to rise, because another day is too painful. We do not want to see flowers, because how dare the world show us something beautiful when you cannot appreciate it. We do not want to hear any music, because it reminds we will never see you dance again.
So reach out. For yourself and others. Everyone is worthy and deserving of life and another chance.
buckettears Aug 2018
the cracked mirror
the broken window
the hole in your heart
your shattered life

like a piece of glass
fragile and delicate
broken to a million pieces
beyond fixing or repair

pick up the pieces
keep them in your jar
full of broken bits
of sorrow and despair

you can't show them
who you are when you are alone
to them
you're the happy bubbly one
buckettears Aug 2018
i wish they knew
me and only the real me
mot the me with friends
not the me with family

i wish they knew
how much pain they cause me
every comment and remark
a knife into the heart

i wish they knew
how I go to bed each night
crying and unable to sleep
but still pretending for their sake

i wish they knew
the number of thoughts
running around my head
killing me inside out

~

but they don't know
how much it hurts
what it feels like
and that’s the thing that hurts the most…
buckettears Aug 2018
broken isnt chipped
it isnt imperfect
broken isnt working
or out of order

~

broken is shattered
in a million pieces
even love cant fix
this kind of broken

~

so dont try to fix me
or put me together
because broken is who i am
and who i will be forever

~

but if you walk beside me
and love me for who i am
through the good and bad times
i will always love you back
buckettears Aug 2018
living is like being chained
at the bottom of a shallow pond
with my eyes open and no air
i can see distorted images
of happiness and light
even hear muffled laughter
but everything is out of my reach
as i lie in suffocating agony
if death is the opposite of living
then i hope death is like floating
buckettears Aug 2018
this love is fallen soldiers
on the battleground
their empty hearts
bleeding out on the floor

~

this love is broken hearts
split in the middle
like black holes
******* in everything...anything

~

this love is poison
venom racing through veins
slowly eating us up
inside out

~

this love is war
when all theres left to give
is life thats left to live
so what are we fighting for

...?...
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