I didn't care.
Maybe I did, but not enough to cry.
I heard the words, "he's dead"
But I felt no death.
The day I screamed in pain but with no tears in my eyes, they thought I was joking.
I threw my computer because I couldn't think of anything to write.
I snapped my pencil because I couldn't draw as well as they could.
I screamed out, but with no voice they thought I was yawning.  
I didn't care.
Maybe I did but not enough to scream I love you.
I heard the words "She's gone" and I ran.
They thought I didn't care but truth is I cared so much I didn't know what else to do.
My heart aches because of a disorder I have no control over.
I didn't care.
Maybe I did,
But when I heard the words "I love you" I had no clue what that meant.
I run down the street not only to get exorcise,
But in hopes that if I run far enough I'll run away from myself.
When they spit in my hair, and threw a cheap shot, I went home crying but nothing could be done.
I screamed out in pain but they didn't get it.
I said, I didn't care.
But just maybe, I did.

Somewhere out there there's somebody.
Somewhere out there is another world.
A world where there is a reason to love.
A world where the sun always outlives the dark.
A world where the cold never adds discomfort.
Somewhere out there is a house, three floors and strong.
It has a place for tea and a place for rest.
It adds protection from the fears that come from the other world.
The other world, that uses lies and hatred as a blanket like snow.
Somewhere out there is you and me under an apple tree.
You kiss my life with a single word.
Somewhere out there you look at me with hands full of desire and eyes full of passion.
I can't wait to meet you in that world.

If only you knew the damage caused
a few small words said and forgotten
days and hours of painful analysing
awake late at night, cold sweat haze
reliving, re-enacting, in my mind
caught in a time trap, held on repeat
left on my own, locked in this hurt
I hear my voice repeat as I cry
eternally asking the question, why?

It grabs you
With long dark nails
It pins you down
Captivating.

It looks you in the eye
You see a fake present
You see past with future.

Tell not nobody
Or it will **** you
It kills you not to
Tormenting.

Your body moves in a seizure
No one notices
Tell not nobody.

You're blinded
Punctured with light and words
Words, difficult, passionate, dulling
Enrapturing.

The more anxious, the more I seizure
It grabs a hold of your heart
Never before feel losing blood
Tell not nobody.

She came out at night
Past the pond she'd stir
She fell upon a grave
And prayed it would be her.
But prayer doesn't work for her
For she is still alive
Go home and scar herself
Reminders of time.
She looks at the grave
Time moves slow
But she's dead still, she is sure.
Past the trees she'd stir
She found a new grave
And hoped that it'd be her.

I thought I was done
But I remember.
Your hand
And his spine
Almost made contact.
I remember why I hate you.

I thought I was done
But no.
Writing it down only resurfaces what happened.
You never hit me.
You never would.

But it's them you hurt
And for that you are done.
No longer mine
No longer theirs.

I remember why I hate you.

I thought I was done
But I remember.

I told that when I came out of my mother's womb I was singing.
I was told that I whenever I talk I speak as if I'm telling a story.
When I tried out for every solo in middle school and never got it.
Notice: That never stopped me from singing.
When my best friend ignored my words of wisdom, or told me she didn't get it.
Notice: That never stopped me from writing.
Those plenty of times I've sprained my ankle or was too weak to run another mile.
Notice: It never stopped me from running.
I'm stubborn and that could be a good thing and a bad thing.
I was told by my own family "Shut up, no one cares."
Notice: That didn't stop me from having a voice.
I was afraid to go outside because I was afraid I'd need an ambulance.
Notice: I still went outside.
See when I was a baby I never tried new things.
I didn't take risks.
But I was told that when I came out of my mother's womb I was singing.
Singing to the heavens, singing to the sky, singing all the angel's goodbye.
Notice: Nothing has ever stopped me from believing in myself.