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  Oct 2017 Erin
Angelika Duliguez
Mahal, tanda mo pa ba yung araw ng ating pagkikita?
Kung saan lahat ay ating ginawa upang kilalanin ang isa't isa.
Mahal, tanda mo pa ba kung paano mo ako kantahan sa mga gabing tumatawag ka?
Kung saan bawat salita natin ay nakakapagpakilig sa buong sistema.
Mahal, tanda mo pa ba ang mga araw na tayo ay magkasama?
Kung saan ang presensya ng bawat isa ang sa atin nakapagpapasaya.
Mahal, tanda mo pa ba ang mga araw na punong-puno tayo ng problema?
Kung saan pilit natin itong kinakaya kahit ang bigat bigat na.

Kay sarap isipin, kay sarap balikan.
Ngunit paano ko ito babalikan kung ako'y iniwan mo ng nag-iisa at luhaan.

Naniwala ako sayo.
Nagtiwala ako sa mga pangako mo.
Hindi ako tumigil kahit nasasaktan na ako.
Nanatili ako kahit alam kong lokohan nalang ito.
Ginawa ko lahat para sa relasyon na ating binuo
Pero mahal, bakit ka sumuko?

Nasan ka na? Nasan na ang mga binibitawan na mga pangako?
Yung pangakong ako lang ang nasa puso mo.
Yung pangakong ikaw lang at ako.
Yung pangakong hindi ka maglokoko.
Yung pangakong kakayanin natin ito.
Yung pangakong tayo lang dalawa hanggang dulo.
Wala na. Naglaho ng parang bula.
Wala na. Dahil may iba ka ng sinisinta.

Sabi mo mahal na mahal mo ako.
Ngunit anong nangyari at nagkaganito?
Akoy iyong ginago at paulit-ulit na niloko.
Ika'y biglang nagbago at unti-unting naglaho.
Bakit mo hinayaang magkaganito?

Pero mahal, alam mo ba?
Mahal na mahal parin kita kahit mukha na akong tanga.
Mahal na mahal parin kita kahit may iba ka na.
Mahal na mahal parin kita kahit alam kong wala ng pag-asa.
Mahal na mahal parin kita kahit tinalikuran mo ako at pinili mo siya.
Pero mahal, pasensya kana dahil ito ay sobra na.
Pagod na pagod na ako kaya pinapalaya na kita.

Ito na ang panahon para piliin ko ang sarili ko.
Ako na nagpakatanga sayo.
Ako na kinalimutan ang sarili ko.
Sarili ko na napabayaan ko dahil sa labis na pagmamahal sayo.

Sana sa araw na ika'y pinalaya.
Hinahangad ko na seryosohin ka niya.
Sana pasayahin mo siya sa araw na kayo'y magkasama.
Sana mahalin mo siya gaya ng pagmamahal ko sayo
Pagmamahal na hindi mo naibigay sa isang tulad ko.

Kaya naman mahal hanggang dito nalang tayo.
Kahit mahirap kakayanin ko.
Kahit masakit titiisin ko.
Paalam mahal, dahil ito na ang huling araw ng pagpapakatanga ko sayo.
  Oct 2017 Erin
Poetic T
It was as it had been, but the
Ring of oak
Shattered,
What was locked behind
Ventured Forward caressing
Bark,
Leaf,
Wood
Was tainted upon its departure.
Hollow structure, a leaf now skeletal
In a moment decayed from life,
Did touch upon depressed oak.
And like ash it was pollen of death, in
What once stood tall, faded into oblivions halls.
All but one did fade to the winds,
As freed upon the world old evil,
Not one noticed, never seen,
This oak of strength from which acorns
Did fall,
Sunken beneath the ground,
Nurtured by the nature, now scarred
Upon black seeds
Corrupting,
Tormenting,
Stained
Is the ground, but these majestic little
Things grow, sprout from the ill ground.
Where tainted now roots invigorate
New growth, the evil is herded upon
This ancient ground, where many had fell,
Now new ones take the places of old,
They are a beacon of strength as that which
Was loose now in this ring of oak.
Buried for time once more for each one
That falls, another acorn will fall to take its
Majestic place,
The old ring of oak, canopy of secrets hoping never to be told.
  Oct 2017 Erin
False Poets
does the moon get tired?

~for the children who never tire of moon gazing upon the dock,
by the light of the fireflies,
till the angels are dispatched by Nana,
to sprinkle sleepy dust in their eyelashes so long and fine~


<•>
while walking the dog I no longer have,
a happenstance glanceable up over the River East,
there you were, mr. moon, in all your fulsomeness ,
surrounded by a potpourri of courtier clouds,
all deferentially bowing, waving,
passing past you at a demure royal speed on their way
perhaps,
to Rebecca's northern London,
of was it south to grace of  v V v's Texas^,
in any event,
the cloudy ladies, all bustling and curvaceous,  
all high stepping in recognition of your exalted place,
Master of the Night Sky

We,
the word careless, poets excessive,
sometimes called silly poppies, old men,
left footed, still crazy after many years,
most assuredly poets false all of us,
without a proper prior organized thought train,
outed,
bludgeon blurted,
an inquiry preposterous and strange,
strait directed to the sombre face,
to mister moon himself!

tell me moon, do you ever tire?*

the obeisant clouds shocked
as that face we all uniform know,
unchanged anywhere you might go  to gaze, be looking upon it,
watched the moon's face turn askew.

He looking down at our rude puzzlement,
with a Most Parisian askance,
a look of French ahem moustacheoed disbelief,
while we watched as the moon cherubic cheeks
filled with airy atmosphere,
then he sighed

so windy winding, was it,
so mountain high and river deep,
that those chubby clouds were blown off course,
from a starless NYC sky
all the way past Victoria Station,
only to stop at Pradip and Bala's
mysterious land of
bolly-dancing India,
on their way to Sally's Bay of Manila,
magic places all!

Mr. Moon looked down at this one tremulous fool representative  
(me) and in a voice
basso beaming and starry sonorous,
befitting its stellar positioning,
squinting to get a closer look at the
who in whom
dare address him in such an emboldened manner!

Mmmmm, recognize you, you are among those
who use my presence, steal my lighted beams, my silver aura,
my supermoon powered light, borrow my eclipses,
reveal my changeling shaped mystery without permission,
only mine to give, you tiny borrowers who write that thing,
p o e t r y

head and kneed, bowed and bent,
I confessed
(on y'alls behalf)

we take your luminosity and don't spare you
even a tuppence, a lonely rupee, no royalties paid
to you-up-so-highness,
and we hereby apologize for all the poets
without exception,
especially those moon besotted,
only love poem writing,
vraiment misbegotten scoundrels....

with another sigh equality powerful,
mr moon pushed those clouds across the Pacifica,
all the way to the  US's West Coast,
up to Colorado,
where moon-takings from the lake's reflecting light
so perfect for rhyming, kayaking,
and moonlight overthrowing,
once more, the moon taken and begotten,
nightly,
as heaven- freely-granted

yes, I tire
and though  here I am much beloved,
usually admired though sometimes even blackened cursed,
seen in every school child's drawing,
in Nasa's calculations,
of my influential gravitational pull,
moving human hearts
to love and giving Leonard a musical compositional hint,
and while this admirable devotion is most delighting,
would it upset some vast eternal plan,
if but one of you once asked,
you fiddler scribblers
my prior permission,
even by just, a lowly
mesmerizing evening tide's tenderizing glance?

yes, I tire,
even though my cycles are variable,
my shape shifting unique, my names so at variance
in all your many musical sing-song dialectical languages,
my sway, my tidal currents so powerful a deterrence,
unlike my boring older sunny cousine  who just cannot get over
how hot looking she is,
I,  so more personally interesting,
yet you use me as if I were a fixture,
on and off with
a tug of the chain string,
never failing to appear,
even when feeling pale yellow and orange wan,
and worse,
mocked as an amore pizza pie,
do you ever ask how I am doing?

yes, I tire,
of my constant circuitous route that changes ever so slowly,
but yet, too fast for me to make some nice human acquaintances, especially those young adoring children
who give me their morn pleasurable squeals when they awake and my presence still there,
a shining ghost of a guardianship protector still
watching over them

how oft in life do we presume,
take for granted
grants so extra-ordinary
that we forget to remember
the extra
and see only the ordinary

how oft in life do we assume,
the every day is always every,
until it is not,
only an only
a now and then,
till then,
is no longer a
now*

<>
oh moon, oh moon,
our richest apologies
we hereby tender and surrender,
our arrogance beyond belief,
what can we offer in relief?

silence heard loud and clear,
mr. moon was gone,
a satellite in motion,
so our words burnt up in the atmosphere
unheard

we did not weep
nor huff and puff,
blow those clouds back to us,
for we knew
the extraordinary
would return tomorrow,
we will be ready,
better another day,
to prepare
a lunar composition,
a psalm of hallelujah praise,
for mr. moon
of which
mr moon will never tire,
for filled with the perma-warmth
of our affection
for the one we call mr.moon
False Poets is a collective of different poets who write here, in a single voice,
hence the confusing interchangeable switching of the pronouns.    sorry bout that.


^ HP - give them back the claimed  V name!
Erin Sep 2017
'One day, she will be nothing but litter on the side of the highway', they had murmured in hidden tongues. So she balled herself up and crumpled anything that she could have been – at least she could be satisfactorily streamlined when she was thrown from tobacco-stained fingertips, if nothing else.
A quick jot from an almost daily brain dump.
Erin Sep 2017
Do me a favor
and color in my lines –
between my ribs,
my heaving chest,
my flushed cheeks.

Keep my mouth sharp,
my words precise and meaningful.

Add a bit of character to my
picked over hands.

Tickle my sides with
Prismacolor
or Crayola
and pinch my body pink with joy.

Color in my lines
and make me everything I want to be.

Add definition with thick black lines,
to give me structure
when I am falling apart.

Make something of this empty outline.

Bring out the beauty that I want it to hold.
Erin Sep 2017
It’s ironic, huh? How when the small of your back is pressing into beige carpeting with those nail polish stains from that one experiment in the eighth grade, your rib cage suffocating you as your lungs expand like a party balloon animal, that that’s when you are your strongest? Your fingertips are cold and blue, your cheeks flaming as if you had tried to stick the sun under your tongue, but all the while you only feel a slight warmth coursing through your veins and a pleasant breeze on your thighs. Shrapnel and pieces of broken stucco plant themselves in your forehead, tilted up towards the crumbling cerulean ceiling, but it only feels like the light sprinkling of rain you used to try to gulp down for refreshment. It is ironic that when you falter, you lift your shoulders a bit taller. You feel like you are falling apart, limbs numb yet pricked and prodded as the whole world’s pincushion, but you are being rebuilt out of marble. When your mind’s scaffolding is collapsing, your face still keeps that slight smile in the corner of your mouth stained with berry lip shade. Everyone admires your genuine smile while you know that it was carved by Donatello himself, your torment hidden behind layers of compacted stone.
This was a quick jot after a rough afternoon. Sorry for the rant.
  Sep 2017 Erin
Rebel Heart
My worst fear as a kid
Never was monsters under my bed
Because before I could even walk
I'd known monsters lived within us
Within me
...
It was waking up one day
And realizing the world
Had moved on without me,
Realizing the world
Had left me
As nothing more
Than a faceless void in the crowd
...
Now I'm stuck
Forever running
Trying to catch up with time
Alone
Lost
Scared out of my mind,
Wishing someone would
Just hold my hand
And tell me everything would be okay,
Except it won't..
It never will be
...
But you've cried your tears already
You've already mourned my loss
Because my guardian angel
Won't let me die
And now I'm back as a bigger burden
Than I could ever imagine..
A burden on you,
A burden on those closest to me
A burden on my parents
And my friends and family
Hell, I'm even a burden
On myself
...
How am I supposed to burden you
With truths I won't even admit to myself?
How am I supposed to tell you what's wrong
When nothing is right to begin with?
How am I supposed to fit so many unsaid words,
And so many unsaid feelings
Into a couple meaningless letters strung together?
How am I supposed to hold on to you
When we're living in different times?
Because everything and everyone around me
Is fast forwarding and moving in slow-motion
All at the same time.
Because I'm still suffering in the past
And you've moved on with the rest of the world.
Because everything has changed
And I'm nothing more than a heavy heart
And an empty soul...
Because I've turned into
My own worst fear

...
I'm trying to hold on to some hope
Not yet ready to disappear altogether
The hope I find in your smile
The hope I find in your laughter.
This hope I find because my most favorite thing
In the entire world besides music
Is making someone smile
And seeing you happy.
So maybe if I can do that
My meaningless rebirth
Would have been worthwhile
And yet
That's exactly why
I have to let you go
...
I'm nothing more than a freak
Who rose from the dead
Resurrecting more demons
That made home in my head
And you're someone
I'd give my whole life to..
My mistake wasn't loving you
It was not letting you go sooner
Because your only mistake was
Loving me more than I deserved.
...
      Because those risen from the dead
        Have no place with the living

         And they never will.
Bits and pieces of a 9 page long rant nobody will ever see hiding what was behind my cheap plastic smiles and the words I couldn't say to you (referencing people who'll never know I was thinking of them while writing this). Yea I know its a really long write and this will probably be taken down tomorrow but for now just understand that sometimes you're so lost in your own life you just want to start over and sometimes you have to leave in order to finally be found again...
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