the stars imploding in your eyes made me want to become an astronaut and the fire blazing in your heart made me a pyromaniac; it wasn’t just the light it embedded in your veins it was the way every expression burst out of you

your love of the sea made me want to become a boat driver so i could float through your seabed of flowers and plant a tree there that would eventually grow to surpass the sea every time you thought of me

your willingness to escape made me want to become a pilot, i’d fly you away from all the troubles burning holes in your skull and hope that the scar tissue that sealed them together again was because my fingertips had roamed your body and taught you how to be peaceful with an existence you barely understand

your breath shook my lungs like an earthquake and if there were traces of you in cigarettes i’d smoke them all

your body is a souvenir of the mountains you’ve climbed and the forests you’ve camped in and the coffee you drink at 7am every morning and your heart is a souvenir to remind you how not to be a robot although sometimes it feels easier that way and your mind is a souvenir of them both and i treasure the thoughts that never managed to surface on your lips because i know you tried your hardest and i know “i love you too” would’ve been one of them

kissing you was like swerving into oncoming traffic

i can never tell if i am more haunted by empty picture frames or the ashes of their contents

you taught me that the saying "pick your battles" meant not answering when love was at the door

sometimes when i drink whiskey i swear i can hear your voice in the creases of my bedsheets & i sleep on the floor

i still catch myself running my hands over things you touched the most, looking for the echoes of your fingertips

i practice things i'll never say to you

i remember the day you told me you didn't like poetry, how "everything's already been said" & how "nothing meaningful can be captured without being cliche" you know, i don't miss you like the sun and moon, i do not miss you like tide bent waves crashing on the shoreline, i miss you like a chernobyl  swingset misses children

rumor has it that drowning is a lot like coming home, that drinking bleach can **** the butterflies in your stomach

for your love of cigarettes, i would have been an ashtray

this halloween i want to dress up as the you when you loved yourself and show up on your doorstep

i never understood what you meant when you said i was an instrument, back when you would cup your hands around my chest and breathe through the holes in my heart, i still wonder if the sounds i made remind you of wind chimes

i never paid much attention to abandoned buildings until i became one

in my dreams all the flowers smell like your perfume

i am the only person who has ever wished for the same snowflake to fall twice

if i could go back, and rewrite the definition of audacity, it would be how when we lost the bet of love, you said "we never shook on it"

i love you, if the feeling is not mutual, please pretend this was a poem

the only apology i want from you, is to have you repeat the names of children we will never have in your parents living room until they *****

we are the same person if you find yourself up at 4am dry heaving promises, or if you are kept awake by the laughter of those who've abandoned you

nobody ever told you that goodbyes taste like the back of stamps

sometimes i'm convinced that the only reason we hug, is so you can check my back for exit wounds

gasping for air
and a life source that
doesn’t include
you
why are you
the reason
i breathe
the air around
me?

is that why
my lungs
feel like
they’re about
to
explode?

because you’re toxic
poisonous
nothing but
venom on
your tongue

i gave you kisses
you gave me hope
i gave you my life
you grated my soul
i collected my
tears in a jar
for you
you gave me distaste;

you
gave me away

gasping for air
from someone who
knows not how to
love
anyone besides
themselves
is like gasping
for air in
the universe

i wash your fingerprints off my body and brush the secrets off my teeth

for every thought in my mind of you is paired with the sound of your
breath and i’m not sure how to deal with a love that lights me up like wildfire

the ringing in my ears is the only sound in a world basking in silence and i wish it was your voice, because lying here alone has never felt more lonely

and all i need is that electricity from your heart manifesting in mine enabling the current from yours to flow through and our two hearts to beat with the same rhythm and the gentle thud of your pulse against your neck reminds me that you’re alive and i thank you for being the reason my pulse is thudding against my neck right now

and you may not know this but your eyes are my favourite colour and if only i could wake up to their greeting every morning

but for now i’ll sleep and hope for your presence in my dreams, because no matter how far apart we are, you’re always here with me

the scar on the corner of your eye
you said “the pain in my heart will fade once i die”
and i’d never seen a grown man cry
but you came to me; you sat and you felt
there was silence in the moment
your suffering the equivalent to hell

and i wish i could have told you how handsome you looked
i wish i could have held you tighter, closer
like you do with your books

and i wish i could have kissed you
maybe once or twice, so you knew the
connection between two hearts that collide

and i wish i could have told you how much i love your smile
and how i wish you showed it more because it glistens;

a million and one stars on the surface of your lips

i wish i could have taken your hand
traced your fingertips with mine
told you that i’m happy you’re here
and i don’t know what i’d do if you’re gone

the scar on the corner of your eye
the pain in your heart, faded; goodbye