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Bob Jul 2018
A soul hurting
A heart wanting to give
Thoughts to be shared
Yet walking alone
On back dark streets
A few online friends
No real conversations
Could all be lies
Not that it matters
Enjoys any interaction
Mentally stable but still argues with hisself

While you laugh
He's dying inside
Afraid to reach out
For the world has teased so much
He Quit asking for help
When loved ones kept passing by without slowly up
How can he speak up
When his first words fell on deaf ears
His whole childhood
Thought his dad was playing hide and seek
Finally gave up
But his heart still waits
Dreams still exist to him
To mean alittle to anybody
Would be heaven to him

Heaven as in the sky
The sky where his mom is
Died during birth
She went home and he went from home to home
Abused in state care
Abused in foster care
At fifthteen he ran from away from that life
The pain, the heartache, the lies
Knew he had to change
Easiest decision he ever made
Two streets down from Orange Ave
He found a few trees and set up camp
Not a house we would say is glamorous
For him it's the best home he's ever lived in
Bob Jul 2018
Nobody told me about this side of life
The dark and eerie
The secrets of sinners
Lost and mislead
Sad and lonely
Broke and hungry
The side of life I put myself in

Been little Debbie broke
That's two honey buns shared
Over three square meals
Slept with the tv on
Sound of static drown out the noise of hunger
Had my priorities more ****** up
Then Eric Wright had priority

Seen my brother forced to the streets
Falsely accused
And called upon way to soon
Six years after my mother suffered
Two rounds of chemo couldn't stop it
Doctors that waited to long
She fought to hold on
But eventually even the strongest is called on
Two great souls the lord stole

Perfect maybe
Definitly greedy
Cause I sit here having flashbacks of a few months ago
Watching my pops bedridden
On more morphine then the whole line at the methadone clinic
Sixty years drug free then the Lord felt the need
Made a grown man see his self as a pill ****** right before calling his name


John Wayne
The last real man left
Ten after five he took that final  breathe
Five ten a.m. the last real man left
Fifty minutes before six God decided to take one more

Slipped back to my old ways
Like 2001on replay
On that coke again
Chopping lines for days
Pretending
Lying
Yeah I'm ok
While having suicidal thoughts
Hiding to cry while staring in the mirror
Thinking grow the **** up
You to **** old
Get that straw from your nose
For once I listened
Did as I was told
Removed it to use to load a bowl

From Lady White to Miss Tina
Love with the first hit
She's a bad *****
A street *****
With a powerful grip
A demanding *****
Whatever you have she takes
With no remorse
Doing whatever to keep her from running away
Lock yourself in to keep family and friends locked out
Lie and steal to keep her here
Knowing its only her that keeps you well

No second guessing who's in control now
How quick things have changed now
Lost my income
Dodging the landlord
Rent a center beating on the door
Owe the dealer for two teens
Laying naked on floor
As blood flows
From a hole that caused my brains to fall out
Another man who couldn't take it
One who wasn't waiting for another to decide his faith
One who finally got his way

To who it may concern
Sorry you had to find me
It's ok to turn around never speaking of what you seen
Theirs nobody to inform
My family already left
I wasn't a bad guy
Just a lost man who lost it all
Who ended up selling my soul
Cause I refused to listen
Kept chasing that feeling
My existence was never needed
Save yourself the trouble like the rest did
Just keep walking by
Act like nothing happen
Save your heroics for somebody worth a ****
Bob Jul 2018
Im giving up
Throwing in the towel while waving a white flag
Admitting defeat
I'll step to the side
I'm beat
Wait for my spot at the end of the line
Finish where I think I started
Last place
No need to wait
Go ahead
Finish the race
Hand the trophies out
Keep my constellation prize
I'm fading and doubt I'll make it before roads reopen
No joke this time
This time time ain't on my side

At the end of my rope
So why keep hanging around
Skip tying a noose and chocking myself out
I'm just going to let go
Free fall into darkness without warning
No chance of being saved
For all my supporters have already been called on
Which tells me
I have overstayed this place
Past my checkout time
Rather die then be that guy
I should go while I still have a piece of my mind
No need to stand up
I'll follow the exit signs
Better yet I just go out the way I came in

Out of touch
Out of time
Out of my mind I must be
From what others say
I don't even know me
So why keep the clock ticking
Feeling like I'm stealing valuable space
All just to sit here and wait to waste away
Like a drunk with unlimited drinks
Or a ****** with endless dope and great veins
I wanted to live forever
Then I quit drugs and reality set in
If Jesus's dad didn't **** half my family
I wouldn't be this loose cannon
Lord show me a miracle for God's sake
It was fun till the fun ran out
Bring the fun back
Scratch that
I forgot this is my last act
One last cigarette
As I stare in the mirror
Everybody wants somebody to wave back
Let the curtan drop
After the gun shot everyone sing along
Where do bad boys go when they die
They don't go to heaven where......
Bob Jun 2018
She said follow me
I'll show you to the family room
The family room
I been there before
A couple of chairs
A sink and the lights are kept dim
Plenty of tissue and I think soundproof

The family room
Where the doctor begins with I'm sorry, we did everything we could
As the chaplain stands behind him
Bible in hand waiting to ask if he can pray for you  Feeling your breath being took
****** and hurt
Yelling in shock out of fear
All the noises you would expect from the family room


The family room
Where some family comforts one another
For others it's the beginning of becoming strangers
Never come out the same as when you went in
Makes time seem as worthless as you feel
Steals a part of all who enter
Makes you cuss the heavens
And question life
Makes you pray to the Lord
And reevaluate your life
The family room
Where many promises are made then forgotten

The family room
Sits unused till the next family gets the news
The Famly Room
Bob Jun 2018
No sun out makes the cold even colder
No heat keeps this studio freezing
Four of us in a double bed
Pops coming home drunk at 3 am
Throwing water to wake up momma
So my baby brother ****** his self again
Sheets still stink from the night before
Bacon covers the smell of newports
But we know better
Lay hungry hoping he leaves something
Remember being so confused
I love him cause he's my father
But I hate my dad
Wish my mom would've married a better man
Wondering why God won't help us out of here

Time kept ticking
We kept growing
Mom got new jobs
And him
He stayed the same
No friends allowed over
No tv so no cartoons
At thirteen I went from getting smacked to getting his smack
Doing runs while other kids went to school
Knocked twice... wait ....then once more
Lay the twenty in the hand that reaches out
Loke a magician he turns money into dope
Remember thinking about all the food we could have
New shoes with no holes
Many times I thought about selling that bag
But I knew he would **** me over that bag
Sit back down and stare at the empty tv cabinet
He tighten the belt as mom got it ready
I covered my brothers eyes as my dad shot up again
Never asked for him to die but I never wanted  him to be here
Small drop of blood falls to the floor
Taking a little more hope that we would ever get out of here

I'm grown now
I have a job now
Saved up and moved on
Just my brothers and me now
I begged but mom stayed
She addicted to the abuse as much as he is to the drugs
I love her but I got tired of asking what about us
A cheap rundown apartment that's a mansion to us
Two bedrooms
Three separate beds
A couch and a reclining chair
A t.v cabinet sits in the corner
It holds a colored television
Dinner every night
And my brother hasn't ****** the bed yet
Laughter replaced crying
We talk without yelling
Wake up to no violence
Every night I make sure to thank the Lord for helping us get here
It feels good to live life without fear
Please feel free to give honest feedback
Bob Jun 2018
It was like he rounded third
Needing ninety more steps
But somewhere around fifty five
We blinked our eyes and he disappeared
Never making it back home
Leaving his family without an answer
Assuming the worst but believing their gut
Another player who couldn't handle the big leagues
Another wife left alone to defend for two on her own
Another child left fatherless
Another same ol same ol

One room
One check
One tired mom
One embarrassed kid
One pair of used all white nikes
One dollar short
One week late
One prayer
One dream crushed
One mother dying
One son hating everything

They held on for so long
They carried around the weight
Had so much hate
Became blind
At times not thinking right
Blaming each other
Screaming and yelling
Till one night after a war of words
They looked into each other eyes
Finally seen the pain they been sharing
Both begin to cry falling into each other's arms
Apologizing for wasting time
I love yous were exchanged
That's the night they came to an understanding
To erase that man completely
Take his power they let him have
Never again mention whats his name
What grew from that was a beautiful thing

One mother
One son
One forgotten memory
One new world
One unbreakable bond
Feel free to give honest feedback
Bob Jun 2018
Steal the innocence
Leaving a broken child
A growing confused mind
Feeling shame for loving you
Nobody to turn to
She knows her mom bows to you
Holds it in
No more then a few friends
Socialy awkward
Even at nineteen
Bares the scars
The broken heart
Prayed to be blind
Wanting to be deaf
Knowing what was next
She still cries for you to stop
Laying quiet in the dark
Wishing you would forget
But the devil appears
The smirk on your face
The smell of liquor on your breathe
Standing in fruit of looms smoking a Newport
She pleads please abandon me
Where was your God
Why didnt he look over her
She just wanted a chance
Not food you kept from her
Or water to quinch her thirst
She just wanted what she believes was deserved
Not a toy
Not your love
Not even for you to die
All she wanted was one thing
A chance
Just one **** chance

— The End —