I'm not here to ask for money or power
I don't want control of the world
Or be the second coming of jesus
Instead
I'll give you everything I own
And more
I'll repent my sins and change my ways
Attend every Sunday service
Give ten percent then another ten
Never question you or life again
I'll volunteer to build a park for poor kids
Shelter the homeless and feed the hungry
I'll go back and right every wrong
Make sure others don't follow the same road
Quit smoking and stop drinking
Become a gym rat and stay away from sugar
I'll even get on my knees to praise you
Refrain from the jokes about you
Spread the word with strangers about you
Then  I'll leave an empty space incase you want more


In return all I ask for
Is to help me be half as happy as I was with her
I feel like this is fair and deserving
If you accept I'll never ask for anything again


Wait , I want to change that
Just watch over and keep her protected
Never let her smile fade and make sure she always feel loved
And I'll be fine as long as you can do that

It's not the sleep I hate
It's the lack of control over my mind
The darkness that makes loneliness shine
It's the movie that replays
I see her at the bottom of a hill
Under the sun looking beautiful
Unbelievable I'm screaming her name
Walk to a jog then a run
I become excited screaming her name as my walk turns into a run
Smiling as she she turns and I see her face
Twenty years of waiting for this
Five steps away but before I could say
I love you mom
She fades away
Wake up in darkness feeling the pain
Nightmares  kills dreams
Reality kills hope
Death kills life
Every night I lose you I lose a piece of myself


It's not the sleep I'm looking forward to
It's losing control of my mind
Using the darkness to hide this loneliness
It's the memories of the past and dreaming of tomorrow
It's me standing in a crowded room hearing my name being yelled
Seeing her smiling face as I turn around
It's holding someone so beautiful
Hearing I love you as we embrace
Her perfectly shaped soft lips againest mine
It's how real her touch feels
How completely right this is
It's that feeling that you want to last forever
But as quick as she appeared
She fades away
Leaving me to wake, alone and in pain
To the darkness of loneliness
Reality kills dreams
Life kills hope
Every night I lose you ,I lose a piece of me

Empty thoughts from a fragile heart
A step faster then a walk
On the last dirt road
Her way of wanting to get caught
Screaming for help while holding her breathe
How far is to far
Thought of death but that's forever
And forever seems to long
She just needs a short break then comeback strong

It's hard to find drive with no car
Wheels spinning without a mouse
Just a sparkle of sunlight would be nice
She just wanted the simple things
Be a good wife and a mother of two
Not lost and barefoot labeled and shamed
Made mistakes but this punishment seems to long
Alittle of something is not always better then nothing

Turn the blue to black then let the sky fall
At five foot two the order was to tall
Way out of her reach
Throat to dry for her to speak
Eyes to wet for her to see
Half of bag is all she has
Asking herself
Why can't I keep my knees clean
Why do I let these pills control me
Why has everyone turned on me
Whats the point in trying to keep moving on
Save a life and **** me
I'm well aware what the world thinks of me
Here's all your Christmas and birthday gifts that i missed
Giving up the space I been wasting away

New day started with the same ways
Same dreams and same needs
Same complaints and same beliefs
Same anger causing the same attitude
Same situation with the same work ethic
Same ol **** which feeds the same state of depression
Same as the past and same as tomorrow
Same words and the same actions
Same self pain and the same self medication


New day started the same way
Heart ache from heartbreak
From a woman I hope to meet
My father taught me about the dark side of love
My brother taught him tough love
My mother loved she wouldn't have to suffer
At fourteen Joann the neighbor showed me something better then love
Said her husband only had love for money
I loved that summer


New day started with the same ways
Same alarm clock with the same sound
Same routine eating the same food
Same route to the same office
Same parking space having the same meetings
Same lunch spot with the same people
Same words and the same fake laughs
Same asprin trying to **** the same headache
Same way home listening to the same Tony Robbins cd
Same house filled with the same silence


New day started with the same ways
Keeps a mind behind while it slowly fades
It's talked about
It's thought about
Then forgot about
Afraid of change
Another lost day
A week goes by then a year or two
Time is running out
Your yelling life was to short
While crying knowing you just wasted most of yours

I'm offbeat humming a tune
Making it difficult for you to tap your feet
You decide to scream out of key
Staring at me as I stare at you
Silence broken by you asking
Should we take this home
Counted me in on three
I speak about what I know
I only believe what I see
And I have seen a right and left not make a perfect pair
I'm the type that would rather smoke the trees then count the leafs
Live life instead of living for afterlife
Pushing your beliefs won't make me believe
Love is far from free
Hate holds more weight
Hard to love with hate
Thanks to the pain I hate to love
I threw twelve nickles in a well
I threw sixty cents away
My last girlfriend was out here to teach me
Failing is not the worst part of failure
That would be holding on to long
Love to hate to loneiness to regrets
Now I sit with torn pictures and scotch tape
Till I finish off a fifth of liquor
From Facebook you would think my life is perfect
Fake as the smile on this aged face
Sad as the man with that fake smile and aged face

I want to be more then someone's broken promise
I want you to get lost in thoughts of us as you look at me
I want to be the cause and not just a reason
I want to be the one your friends can't wait to meet
Feeling like they already know me because you can't stop talking about me
I want you to feel the need to race home and have us in bed before the sun sets
Keeping the blinds tight so we can't see the sun rise
I want the doctor to tell me that I gained twenty pounds in thirty days
Thats love not fat so it's ok
Then have you encourage me to lose at least half
I would be fine with people thinking our smiles are  fake
Unable to understand how we can be happy all the time
Confused by hearing who's right don't matter to us
One could never be wrong for the other
Matching shirts and can't leave without a kiss
Never saying goodbye or stay mad to long
I want you to never have to worry
To be clueless as to what it's like to doubt me
To know your more then number one
Your the whole list
Everyday be able to make you proud to be seen with me
Still falling in love with you at ninty
Hide the make up till you see the beauty your coving up
Maybe hide your clothes too
Cause your body is perfection and perfection should never be covered up
When anyone brings up a bad relationship I want you not to be able to relate
Every week go on atleast one date
Nomatter how good you say I am
I'll always try to be a little better
It will be my job to hurt for you
I'll be happy to take your pain
I want to be why you lie to your boss about being late
I'm working on being similar to the lead actor in your favorite movie that you can't watch enough
But first I need to create a new word because love is not strong enough
I want you to have what you deserve then some
And after I write the last line I never want you to have to ask me to repeat these things so you can be reassured
These words will come alive through my actions
And just in case you ever see me shed a tear or two
It's because I been looking for you ten years before I knew you

Now if I could only find you