He is back in the business
And I’ve seen it for myself,
But then why do I feel it’s not over?
Like this is the beginning
Of something with potential
To be good or bad.

I should feel like
Flowers, sunshine, and happiness;
I’m really not complaining
(You would know if I was).
But I’m still not convinced
By the smile on his face.

i often humor myself
with the idea of us

the idea that
someone as stubborn as you
could love
someone as carefree as me

i know that it is silly
you aren’t the type
to shut off your brain
and follow your heart

but here i sit,
wondering
wondering
wondering

is the idea of us actually silly at all?

how tragic that i’ll never get to know

i just really really really want to talk to you
but
the words i want to say are not the ones you want to hear

you see, when they asked me to describe love, to describe you, i thought about writing about how i was lost until i found you and how you were my water in the drought. but if i wrote about those, i would have been lying.
the thing is, darling, i was not looking for you.
i did not climb the tallest mountain and reach out for you at the top with scraped fingers and knees. i did not plunge into deep waters and risk drowning just to catch a glimpse at the beauty you were. you and i, this love, was not planned.
so when they asked me to describe this, to describe us,
i did not write about how you saved me.
instead i wrote about how i was full, how i was full before i even met you. i wrote about how i thought there was no room for anything else, but you came along and i began to pour out at the sides, making a puddle of joy on the kitchen floor.
i wrote about how you never asked me to climb a mountain for you, but rather we sat in the car and glanced at it. and then later, we drove to the shore and barely touched our toes to the sea.
you see, when they asked me to describe love, to describe you, i thought about writing about how you changed me. instead i wrote about how you loved me the way i was, and how i loved you even when i thought i did not need to.

Remember when you started high school?
Mom said I already had you gone.
But now it's really happening,
So see these words and remember
All that we've done together
Because life with you is all I’ve known.

Remember all of those long drives?
Somehow you never got sick:
To Ripon, Iowa, and Alabama
And "how many hours left?"

Remember Christmas at our house?
Putting up the tree
All the UPS elves in a row
A warm Christmas in the pool.

Remember playing together?
Fun occasions (but rare)
Games like Eagle Eye,
And playing legos in your room.

Remember going to Papa's concerts?
Before we were even in them
Sitting with mom in the back
Eating smarties to keep us happy.
Pick a favorite song and mark it
To let Papa know when we could;
Stopping at Dairy Queen with the others
And getting home way too late.

Remember the day Chloë came?
We lay in that waterbed.
I wanted the name Samantha,
But we got a life of change instead.

Remember all the summers at the beach?
Coming home with sand in our hair;
Going hiking to return tired,
Staying out late hanging with friends.
Waiting for my birthday:
Knowing what dinner will be.

Remember spinning until we fell?
I always seemed to get dizzy;
And savoring ice-cream
As though it was our very last meal.

Remember dinners all alone?
Eating mac n cheese or leftovers.
Playing music on blast,
Just the three kids at home.

Remember going to youth group?
We go farther as a team.
I got my name up first;
Although it took some ****** knuckles.

Remember all the memories we made together?
I’ll never forget each one
For each means something different
And something special
Even when you go there'll be more
So come back soon to make them.