birds chirp in monotone and music is annoying sounds when I've things going on brain arrest. staring at the nothing beyond my closed eyes makes pictures dance like dust in sunlight, but forgive my impudence when I say that I cause sadness in many hearts... yours seems to fare better but I'm scared of everything falling into angst and apprehensiveness. I don't have the ***** to be a man. I don't have the patience to be a woman. youth presses into my skin like fresh pine needles piercing dead leaves, but I reject such lovely things when I'm braining and trying to be an adult. I'd hate to lose touch at young age, but echoes say growupgrowupgrowup

(Lazy in a letter ) >>>Birth birth birth, a kitten crawls towards the sun
[7/4/2015 8:01:23 AM] Foxmeow: Rising, rising as a sun, a kitten grows into orange fire
[7/4/2015 8:01:42 AM] Foxmeow: burning without hesitation, although sometimes
[7/4/2015 8:01:52 AM] Foxmeow: drawing clouds together like a curtain to peep around
[7/4/2015 8:02:12 AM] Foxmeow: smiling shyly like fuzzy rainfall on my warm face
[7/4/2015 8:02:23 AM] Foxmeow: and leaving rainbows as little kisses
[7/4/2015 8:02:35 AM] Foxmeow: and breaking my heart every time I see
[7/4/2015 8:02:47 AM] Foxmeow: how far and far and far and right here you are
[7/4/2015 8:02:55 AM] Foxmeow: you're burning my eyes
[7/4/2015 8:03:04 AM] Foxmeow: burning my skin
[7/4/2015 8:03:26 AM] Foxmeow: I wish I could taste the sun. Golden honey and cinnamon come to mind
[7/4/2015 8:03:30 AM] Foxmeow: as well as orange juice
[7/4/2015 8:03:51 AM] Foxmeow: I think the sun tastes like brightness and warmth and glory and yet still sorta tender-like
[7/4/2015 8:04:01 AM] Foxmeow: Shine on, you crazy Diamond

Particularly towards a distant echo
One I hope may reverberate these bones yet
May not be for ages
Life's heartsong is thick kudzu vines furry and soft and little creepy tendrils that can break down walls and smother everything in fuzzy warm green love
That's what the left paw is holding in palm
Courage-bound
For happy comes in three - two to love and one two challenge that fever with rampant fire
Words to start a cross-world touch
Face like furry red flame and I'm sure you aren't cold
Take me by surprise and I'll feed you to my sunrise
Love

i FILL MY HEAD WITH MUSIC AND IMAGES AND FUNNY THOUGHTS AND i SHUT IT DOWN AND i FIRE IT UP AGAIN

I sleep and I sleep and I sleep and I sleep
and I eat
when the music dies I don't move at all
when the music dies my pistons stop firing
when the music dies, so does my ambition
my distraction
my pain is not fresh is not new is not real
my love is not fresh is not new is not real
my faith is not fresh is not new is not real
everything because they told us to
everything because they told us to
I touch myself for no other reason then to calm the waters
and sleep
I don't think I don't think I don't think
I work for food so I can keep the gears turning so I can keep dry eyes burning so I can keep lungs churning so I can dry eyes watering so I can keep these lungs filling with smoke so I can sleep so I can work so I can eat so I can work so I can buy so I can cry

I haven't eaten more then gas station snacks and pizza

I haven't bought apple cider vinegar so I guess I can't shower, but I just ran out yesterday

I haven't tasted food really
I haven't changed the sheets on this bed, but I vacuumed the floor

                                               Clothes coat the carpet
                                                wrappers lie
                                                 coins accumulate
                                                  sand shifts
                                                   blood rushes
                                                    smoke disintegrates
                                          I'm just holding on
                                          I dont say I'm well
                                          I try not to drink
That's going well
                                          I try not to love
Maybe I should


I think I should

If I stare into the empty in front of my eyes long enough
I can see my heartbeat

If I sleep long enough
I can forget everything exists, and fade into these sheets

If I go without food long enough
I can stop feeling in my hands