Look at Me

My countenance,
my mien
says
leave
me
alone.
It says I am stoic,
stone-faced. Shut
down.
All doors are locked.
Do not enter.
No trespassing-
but it's all a farce.
I need you.
I need somebody,
here,
now.  
I'm no good on my own.
Truly.
I'm no good at all.

I remember thad day.
I came into school in the usual way
Except
I did not look usual
My usual jeans and polo shirt was at home
And instead
I came in with a suit and tie.
Your face was priceless.
You never saw me
As a suit and tie kind of guy.
You hugged me,
Your body  unusually tight  on mine
You just held me.
You gave me a long stare,
Bit your lip,
" you look good in a suit and tie"
You  said.
Impressed as you were,
You looked away.
People were  coming.
You kissed me
and left
You let me know you love me.
I felt so high.
Kind of like
A suit and tie kind of guy.
I looked okay.
You swore i looked amazing.
You wanted me
To be your guy
forever
We made out alot
You really really liked me that day.
The next day you asked
"Hows my suit and tie kind of guy? "
And i simply said hello
She asked me to wear the suit more and more
Each time she found more appeal.
I loved wowing her.
She loved my style.
Its been a while now
Funny thing was
She was never truly mine.
We never made it official.
Now that shes away.
I really
Want to be
Her
Suit and tie kind of guy

Knives hurt  just as much as words do
But  i am expected to ignore it.
As if there wss nothing said.
As if the word "*****" didnt exist.
As if these  bruises and wounds  did not ******  my body
Well,
Turning points are bound to happen
Right?
Isnt what people say true?
Doesn't ill fade eventually?
I hope so.
Hear that?
I have hope now
Because i realize
I let them hurt  me
As long as i internalize their anger.
But hatred is a game
And im gonna win

Things wait
To get better.
No telling when
How
But things are always ******
The delays
Non proper days.
Make sence of this.
I cant
Or start talking.
Which to that
I'll simply tell you to
hush
Shhhhhhh
Do not leave this behind.
This is the origins of
A new begining.
Hush
They'll tell you.
Let it happen.
Swirling blackness blurred everywhere.
Touched
In all the wrong ways.
Hush.
Hit every day.
Hush
Taken to a strange place
Hush
Murdered
Hush.
All cut up
Hush
When does the madness end?
Is it okay to ask
Or is my answer
**hush

Zach,
I know things  have been rough.
People dont understand. Period.
I want you to know  that you are worth something, despite what everyone tells you.
You are going to find someone.
You really will.
And when you do,
You wont remember what loneliness  is
You will love her
You wont want to leave her
Because she  is
just that great
Dont ever believe you are ugly
people  are mean and you know who you are.
Dont let them get into your head.
One person saying  you are handsome and meaning it is way better than a million  people saying it out of pitty.
Don't  let them controll you
You are better than drugs
Better  than  alcohol..
You will survive
You will grow up to be a fine young man with a goal in life.
Dont let dad **** dreams
Dont let mom **** you into a life not meant for you.
Dont loose that goofy smile.
Dont ever stop your passion for music
Dont be afraid to cry
Dont be afraid to stand up
Because the world  needs standers,
Not sitters.
Dont choose to let others walk on you.
Dont stop watching star wars
And humming the theme song on the walk to school.
Zach,
I know not many people tell you this,
But you are awesome.
You are important
Silly
And honest.
Dont disregard  those  traits.
I am not trying to be concideded
But you...we need this.
Especially  when we feel so low
While others  are living so high.
Zach,
Dont listsn to the haters.
Believe in yourself,
And *never stop trying

I look back.
Baby pictures and best friends.
How we've  all changed .
We've  gotten our own lives,
Lovers...
Some not
And we all end up moving on.
I can't help but wonder
Do they think about me as much as I do them?
I think about my past more than  I should
And I conjure up memoried hidden between time.
I count every time we talk
And every time we laughed.
My friends  still hold a spot within.
I havnt  forgotten you.
Have you?

The moon is so sparkled and young,
As if it is the pure moon in universe,
With so much more planets to be,
Sparkled, young and inspired.

Wondering why the moon is so sparkled?
Because it has a image of light,
Which is called "moonlight".

How could the moon be so sparkful?
When there are more planets to be
sparkful.

                   By K-mari ©2016