It’s akin to the feeling of bobbing along, naked, in the ocean.
In the dark.
The waves slap at your face and you gasp and sputter.
Kick and flail and hope
nothing eats you alive while you just desperately try to keep your head above water.
You flail and splash
and kick and try, try so desperately
to not give up,
to not be afraid,
to not just stop trying.
To not let go
to not let the water surround you, fill you up, envelope you.
Pull you down
into the deepest of darknesses.
Pull you
into the trench
the abyss
or beyond.
Don’t ever let yourself
feel that kind of lonely.
Reach out-reach out and grab at that little bit of salvation
any chance you get.
There is a subtle
beauty in everything
you do, dearest heart.
You can Choose

There’s always a choice.
You can be you, or you can be exactly who they want you to be.
Why would you ever choose anything but you? Your genuine self?
They can either love you or leave you, and if they leave you the others will collect you.
Pick you up.
Raise you up.
Love you like their own.
There is always a reason to feel alive. There’s always someone out there. Looking for you. Beseeching.
One who knows you and will love you,
always and forever.
There’s always hope, love.
Just reach out.
You will find it-i promise, I do.
Don’t Give Up

I’ll never, ever understand
why you gave up on this cruel world.
Why? Why not just soldier on
and hope for a better tomorrow?
Why not?
I’m always going to wonder why.
Even in my darkest moments, I think no. I’ll never let go because
I can’t leave my loved ones behind. No. I’ll never make them live with more pain than I ever could endure.
I can’t check out.
Take the easy road.
Leave the rest of you to hurt and hurt and ask why.
The strongest thing we can do
In our weakest moments
Is to not
Soldier on.
Maybe I’m wrong. But I wish the one I lost wouldn’t have given up.
Jennifer R Fay Apr 2017
Would You?

Would you reach for me
if I were drowning-
even if it meant
you would be pulled down into the depths of the
with me?
Would you
reach for me?
In my most
desperate moments,
if I asked for you,
would you respond?
If I called,
would you respond?
I don't think so, anymore.
I guess I wanted
more from you
than you could
ever give.
Jennifer R Fay Apr 2017

I'm so lost that I cannot be found.
No one will ever recover the bits and pieces
of me.
I gave way to the night awhile ago.

I let myself be buried
many moons ago.

And now
I'm just a bit of the dust and dirt and earth beneath your feet.

Look down now, and you'll find me.
There I am.
There I am.
Dreams drift as in a mist
My mind wanders through  
a light
where I find you
Looking in my direction
with that slight smile

We fall into grace

Like a waltz
We dance into love

Memories flow by on streams of light
of when we were young
My arms have missed you
Though my mind has never
left you
I try to caress your transparent face
that seems to drift within the fog
I hunger for your embrace
Though I only see a vapor of your outline
in the mist
Passing slowly by my arms
I reach in your direction
and you are gone

Dreams collide inside my mind
Nothings real
Except the hunger for younger years
When love seemed like it would never end
We touched upon a youthful wheel

As years left us
Suddenly turning into faces
we no longer recognized
Leaving our hearts and souls
We could be as once
we were
Where love collides
Bringing back our lives.

By Weeping willow
Dreams flow within the nighttime hours
Younger years still burn with desire.
Dreams run through like blood
in my veins
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