There are too many times when i feel so alone,
when i can't wait to close my eyes
but there are nights right now where i fear for my life
as i remember all that has happened.
So as days turn to nights and i watch the sunrise.
I can't help but wish i wasn't alive!
So tonight when i close my eyes
I'll beg for the nightmares to stay at bay,
but the nightmares they're always my memories,
of his hands all over me till I can't breathe.
I wake up in tears, wishing that this would all go away!
I remember the times that this happened,
wishing everything would just end.
I thought i was supposed to feel safe in myself,
but now i feel like i can't trust a soul.
Why is it men feel like they can have everything they want?
Now i'm left here so broken, afraid i can never move on.
Long before we were
Nature has been
Beautiful water covering earth
Land mass where Lions roam
Beautiful fields with singing Birds
Forests with amazing trees
With the African python standing guard
Nature opens up her arms
Accepted us in our naked forms
Keeps us safe and protected
Without which survival odds are low
Like ungrateful elements
We destroyed mother earth
In the name of development
The rock python lost its home
Making invading our territory imminent
The result, you know!
We destroy that which shielded us
Hunting with impunity
Flaring gas without caution
Nature is quiet and just
But when the time cometh
The sea will rage
The clouds will open up
Don't say I didn't warn you
Because when nature fights
And calls it natural disasters
Some call it acts of God
But we all know
Respect is reciprocal
is it worth it?
worth the ache in your chest,
worth the pain and the tears?
is it worth the sleepless nights,
and the shine from your eyes?
is it worth the weight on your soul?
is it worth giving your all?
is it worth your peace?
I saw bars around me and thought "prison"
Just realized it was a cradle
And I could climb out whenever I decided to
and just because
your problem seems a little less significant
you aren’t worth to be given
a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day
this is definitely,
not right for me...
even if sometimes,
I want it to be.
it might be true,
that this is what's easy,
but I feel so hollow:
I feel empty.
I can hear your voice,
you sound so giddy.
your elation points out,
when i lay down,
i don't think of you,
i think of him:
and i am sorry.
I call myself for your attention
but do I need it seriously?
Do I need the taste of your lips
on my coffee cup?
Do I need your perfume running through my late night baths?
The you I want,
who is it?
Is it you who turned me into thousand of pieces?
Or is it just the aftertaste of a bad dream?
The you I want is not a you.
Is not a thing,
but maybe it is.
It doesn't exist in thoughts
it doesn't seem to has a face.
I drink my coffee in the mornings.
All I can see is a kid with no body, no structure.
All I see is myself.
Looking for myself or maybe I don't know what else.
written on June 12, 2019