A rainy day,
an acoustic guitar,
a notebook,
a studio apartment overlooking the city.
"I want to measure my mornings
in spoonfuls of coffee
and my nights in empty cigarette boxes."
I don't remember the name of the poet who wrote that
but it couldn't describe my life
any more accurately.
I want to measure my mornings
in spoonfuls of coffee
and my nights in empty cigarette boxes.
I want to measure my happiness
in rainy days and soft kisses,
poetry,
I want to measure my recovery
in full meals and trash bags full of razors,
in tears shed by my eyes
instead of my skin.
I want to measure my free time
in independent movies
and 4 different kinds of music-
indie,
hard rock,
classic rock,
and pop-punk.
I want to measure my infinities
in starry night skies,
galaxies, constellations,
physics books I got in middle school
and his eyes,
his smile.
I want to measure my victories
in minutes without smoking
and my losses
in blaring headphones
and labyrinths of white smoke.
I want to measure my work ethic
in sick days
and missed bills.
I want to measure my heart
in belly dancing
and ***** converse,
in beanies
and minutes spend holding him.
I want to measure my life
in written chapters
and highlighted smiles
in blue Christmas lights
and TV show references,
in my favourite movies and novels and songs
and my dependence on myself,
in cans of Peace Tea
and Pringles
and not regretting eating,
in pens that help the words flow
and laughs,
smiles,
hugs,
kisses,
and hope that in the future
things will be alright...
More alright than they are now.

one day i was shopping
in the rite-aid and as i
approached the checkout counter
and smiled at the cashier
our eyes met

at that exact moment
the earth stopped to turn on its axis
when That occurs
(since the earth spins so fast)
things fall off shelves and whatnot
in other words
a whole lotta shakin' goes on

then the earth starts to make a creaking sound
as though it may be in need of oil
that is when i started to jump
up in the air
because i know that
if you jump high enough
when the earth flips
you can land on the other side
of the planet
for me that would be
like going to china
for free

it doesn't work when
you are inside of a building
and the furthest i have ever gone
was about a half a block

anyway the cashier sees me
jumping up into the air
and yells at me
"stop jumping up and down
you're making the stuff fall off the shelves
who do you think is going to have to
clean up this mess?"

then the earth flipped and
things went back to normal

I stopped jumping and
our eyes remet each others
i could've sworn at that moment
that i had fallen down the grand canyon
the cashier (rachel) was wearing a baseball cap
over her beautiful brown hair
and to this day i swear that i cannot
get the image of her out of my head
her hazel eyes of love
brought tears to mine
i appologised
found the items i needed
and checked out

as i walked home
with my mind on rachel
i became manic and
that carol king song crept
up in my head and
i began singing
"i feel the earth move under my feet
i feel the sky a tumble-lin' down
i feel my heart start to tremble-in'
whenever you're around..."

i sang it every day
for about a month
before i got the courage
to ask her out

as it turns out
she wasn't the marrying kind
just some cheap ****

i'll never jump that high again

Slow night
Easy does it
Low light
Try not to covet
The sacred lines
Of our in between
Lost to sharp times
In my own misery
I held us sacred
You dropped my hand
Now tasting these acrid
Memories of sand
Tears still fall
Try as I might
To keep them all
From flooding my sight
I know you have left me
Soaring high above
Yet even in my shadows
Still shines your love

And everything's perfect and everything's okay but now she keeps saying she's fine do you know what fine means fine means she can't bring herself to push the blade a little deeper therefore she's just fine because she know she isn't gonna die tonight.
Because when they ask how you are they're only asking so it's not on their conscience when your moms on the phone crying because you weren't just fine anymore and you crossed the ******* line and you pushed that blade a little ******* deeper and you took all your moms oxy and you swallowed all the ***** and now you're 6 feet under and your mom keeps telling everyone that you were the perfect daughter but when you were alive she couldn't even make eye contact with you

each morning the light leaks through my bedroom,
beautifully caressing our sheets, the spots where we lay,
cherishing the creases where you rest your weary head,
i often catch myself leaning in to hold you close,
only to be without what always brought solace.
my dearest girl, i find you in the light,
maps intertwined with your smile,
and compasses in your embrace,
you are the calm after the storm,
you are the light that brings me home.

i used to go to sleep anxious
for morning
to see your smile along with the sun
now i drift into unconsciousness
hoping to stay there
a little longer
knowing my dreams
are the only place i'll be seeing you

Hey little dragonfly
I hope you know this ain't no lie
I know you got your superstars
And cozy elevator cars.

Hey little buttercup
You sure are one cute powerpuff
And I know That without a doubt
That you will always tough it out.

Ohh, we know I picked the coldest coast
Yet I can't say that I miss yours most
I swear I'll steal some devil's wings
Cause angels can be such slow things.

Not some bugs eyes on a stick and wings
Or a giant scaly scary thing
Your spirit and a heart of wind
That will burn and fly through anything.

I didn't mean for this to happen:

for you to make my name a habit, a safe word
when you go overboard &
no one's there to trace your scars &
kiss the memories left on your wrists.

I didn't mean to become routine,
comfortable in your mouth,
your Sunday morning
after the substances weren't enough to **** the demons.

They're branded on your eyelids,
so you never want to sleep, unless it's
with me; but I always give in
to your desperate pleas.

I just want to replace
the bottle in your hand
the lines
the bathroom sinks
the fog
those things behind the mirror the doctor said would help you
& fix you.

But you love being broken more than you love me.

I didn't fall in love, I crashed into it in a burning ball of flames and tears and happiness and a pre-broken heart that continued to shatter with each hug and each sleepover and each lie because it wasn't even the first time lies had been told through a fake smile and white teeth which was even harder and I really have started to believe there aren't any decent men since I really haven't had anyone to prove me wrong even though there are good men in my life I just have no reason to take them into account and I think that is sad that one man started such distrust and another one continued it and I'm waiting for the man to give me a reason to trust again and I was hoping I could find that in you but WOW YOU REALLY PROVED ME WRONG AND MY HEART JUST CONTINUES TO BREAK so thank you for that and goodnight I'll see you at Sheri's