If he begs you to get back together with him and then breaks your heart,
He's not worth it.
If he tells you he'd sleep with your best friend,
He's not worth it.
If he brings up your past in which he was not involved in,
He's not worth it.
If he maked you want to douse your dreams in gasoline and strike the match against his cheek,
He's not worth it.
If he makes you feel like you are not a priority,
He's not worth it.
If he doesn't cry when you say goodbye for the last time,
He's not worth it.
If he doesn't let you call him late at night because this whole thing is killing you inside,
Then he's not worth it.
If he makes you want to take bottles and bottles of pills just to keep you from thinking about him,
Then he's not worth it.
He's not worth crying over day after day.
He's not worth the untouched food on your plate.
He's not worth those twenty pounds that you lost from lack of hunger.
He's not worth losing sleep over.
He's not worth beating myself up to death.
He's not worth the millions of missed calls you've sent him.
He's not worth the desperation in your voice when you beg him to stay.
He's not worth any of it.
You say you're confused and he doesn't give you closure.
He has all of your things in his house still,
And those things no longer hold value, because he's not worth the pain.
He's not worth the agony.
Talk to yourself in the mall, in the car, in your bed whenever you feel alone.
There are things you never got to say.
But talking to him at this point just makes things worse..
Block his number and all of his social media.
The thought of him ever wanting to come back to you after this will burn holes in your shoes.
He never really appreciated what you had to offer.
And trust me, I know it hurts.
But your friends will never have the right words to say.
Your family won't allow you to drive to his house in the middle of then night when you are broken and hell bent.
Romance, for me, so often ends in painstaking heart ache.
So you need to gather yourself.
Get up.
Brush your teeth.
Take a shower.
Eat a homecooked meal.
Go to work.
Start working out.
And get this boy off of your chest.
Scrub your self in the shower.
One day, you'll realize that this no longer hurts you anymore.
You've  done it before.
And you can do it again.

You forget how to love her and she forgets what it’s like to feel like there’s enough oxygen in her lungs. Oddly spaced breaths and too much blinking – how can she even walk in a straight line these days? You’ll go right, knowing she’ll go left and you’ll lose sleep over it because what you think is best always turns out to be the worst mistake. And you promised her you’d stop trying to solve all your problems by drowning yourself in alcohol and in return she granted you the softness of her skin, the brightness of her smile. Without your drinks – you aren’t yourself. That’s what you tell her. She laughs and tells you she knows who you are, don't worry. And you don’t understand because you don’t even know who you are but you’ll believe just about anything if it means getting out of this and being able to hold on to her and her jasmine scent. She's just like spring; and where you live there's only ever two seasons.

A lot has happened lately
I've had my heart broken
Torn
Sewn back together by unfamiliar hands
Torn and worn out
But the moment I saw you
My heart healed itself
I let out a sigh of relief
As if I've been holding my breath this whole time
I felt safe and secure after feeling vacant and misplaced
I saw you and I couldn't hold back
I saw you and an ocean of tears streamed down my face
You will always feel like home to me

Red Beard returns
My heart races when I approach him
He takes his ear buds and slides them out from under his shirt
I want to slide my hands underneath and feel the heat from his body
But I restrain..
At least for a little while
He helps me into my bed
And together we lie there
He plays with my hair and turn on Hocus Pocus
It feels like the best fall night I've ever had
It starts to storm outside
But we are tucked away into the comfort of my own bed
He kisses the too of my head
And my nose
And my cheeks
My body feels warm and tingly
He pokes fun at me
But kisses me afterwards to make up for it
And i love it
I love the way he teases me
He pulls me close
Whispers something along the lines of wishing he could be even closer
I am romantically involved in the way i fit so perfectly beside him
I push my fingers onto his skin so lightly
He says he likes it
I lift his shirt up and trace circles down his back
We lay like that for a while
I wonder what it would be like to get used to this
And suddenly i want it
The movie ends
We lay there a bit longer
And then he asks me about music
We then spend the next hour downloading his favorite songs
He sings along and dances ridiculously
And i cannot get enough of him
We talk about childhood memories
And when i think he's about to leave,
He walks back over and kisses me slowly
Red Beard gets me to walk him out
And at the top of the stairwell, he kisses me again
I am so filled with excitement and joy
I hope it lasts
I hope it's always him

I want everything from you,
You want nothing from me.

I want you to be free,
From me.

But I'm imprisoned by who you used to be.

Now I'm left with nothing but what I used to see.

Blinded by the reality,

The clarity is the hardest thing.

I'm staring up at the ceiling as if it were something interesting...
As if..
I haven't scanned ever corner of this white textured paint.
I wonder
If you've checked your voicemail since October
Or how I ended up in this bed,
Grasping this quilt as if my life depends on it.
The corners of my eyes have gained bursted blood vessels
I wonder
If you feel like this.
Like the space between our hands haven't healed since the beginning of time..

I longed for death
But that I could not do
I was not scared of death, no
I was afraid of dying without you.

Boy of 19,
Don't you know what you're doing?
You're opening a can of worms.
This can hasn't been opened since 2015.
The dust collects on the lid,
And the dented aluminum screams for mercy.
College boy,
Don't you know what you're doing?
You're pressing your words onto my skin.
Your voice reaches my ears through waves in the atmosphere.
Boy,
Don't you know what you're doing?
You solve rubixs cube as if you were trying to figure out the answer to why she asked you to come over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Don't you know what you're doing?
................................
(To be continued)

******* coma

Cool
Calm
Collective,

Constantly
Caught
Consistence,

Common
Cold
Conflicted,

Colossal
Conduct
Clinic,

Climate
Cold
Conscription,

Condemned
Coma
Victim.