I have been living in what seems to me like the middle of nowhere
I have been studying the great masters of theology, literature, and philosophy.
I have been living in and out of people's lives and finding that in this I am still discovering more of myself.
(This is very far from the notion I previously held that I can only discover more of who I am through other people.0
But how? How? How?
I have been losing best friends. I have been losing independence. I have been losing ties with family.
Yet the world goes on and I go with it. I go with it to find what new seas are open to me and in doing so I am diving -- going into the deep -- and swimming into an endless abyss of wonder.
I am scared. Very scared. Terrified.
But I fear nothing.

I’ve dug into the root of every known emotion of man.
From mere happiness to dread and fear, it’s scary… Really!?
How we can feel, really feel, and how it can change us-
From innocent to tainted, good to evil.
And that you can also feel; feel for not only inanimate, living, or anything.
But you can feel for other people.
You can feel so strongly, that it shakes your soul.
And you can also…
Not feel-
Numbness, or is it a feeling?
It can over take your very being
And **** the life out of your eyes-
To where you don’t eat,
Don’t get out of bed,
And never open your eyes.
You just lay there, in a void that you yourself created…
But eventually you’ll pull yourself out…
Feeling, Feeling, Feeling.
Feelings are not the only thing… that I’ve dug into.
I’ve found more than anyone ever could.
Because, I look a little harder…
Free Will;
Is that what makes us different from the animals, evolution?
Free will.
The choice, the choice that is ours to make… or not make.
Some people find beauty in it.
But, some people find hell and torture in free will… The ones who can’t think for themselves.
In some ways-
I find them weak.
But also cunning, in a ‘Monkey see, Monkey do’ kind of way…
In spite of everything we know about Free will.
We still do not quite understand-
How Free-will makes us any
More or less… Human.

now is faith
now is patience
now is understanding
now is mercy
now is kindness
now is love

they cannot be practiced in the past
nor in the future.

they can only be here.  they can only be now.

Just, Why?
I over analyze simple things, hoping for a better or worse outcome…
I look for answers, where there are none.
    Question;
If the universe in infinite, why do we find so many things… A great discovery?
When we haven’t even scratched the surface!
    Maybe…
I’m on the wrong side of the universe.
So, when will others learn that up isn’t up and down isn’t down?
     My mind is so vast.
But I am young, to an untrained eye.
I’m a writer, artist, and a poet…
I have lived and died so many times.
I’m a kid.
But I feel as if I’ve lived for thousands of years-

                                                                 So many lives!

God was tired that day
After all
Six days shalt thou labour
And on the seventh
Shalt thou rest
And he'd be slaving away
For eighteen days nonstop
Mainly because of the offer of
Double overtime.

He'd written out these great rules
On how to live,
All eleven of them.

And he yelled out
"Oy Moses, you fat bearded ***,
I got some tablets of stone for you"
And Moses came out of the pub
And picked up the first ten
But, being a bit the worse for wear,
And nine sheets to the wind
With cut-price passover wine,
He never noticed the eleventh one.

"Never accept a personal cheque
Without a bank guarantee card"
Is what it said,
And you can't argue with that.