You look like a reason to try to want to wake up
A reason to try again
You look like the shameless shade autumn wears,
Not apologising for all the goodbyes it brings.

You look like a reason to want to die a little less,
A reason to play dressing up in front of the mirror
You look like this rebellious pen of mine,
Taking a break from the blues and writing about  the red in your cheeks
Clichés be ******, it yells.

You look like a liberation death could bring, but only sweeter,
The light filtering through the curtains, but softer
You look like the face of a stranger I confessed my miseries to long ago and wished never to see his face again when I was done
Except I could never run away from you, pls don't make me ever wanna

You look like the adrenaline rushed first kiss,
But with more finesse
You look like all the warning signs I have ever ignored when I ran past them,
Except this time I want to stay and discover why.

You look like all the poems I have ever sat on fire, except you fire never burns you into Ashes, it somehow compliments and coexists w your halo
You look a lot like humming bird, except you're humming in my heart, fuzzily flowing into my veins

I'm sorry courage took a longer time for your hair to grow out past your shoulders

Maybe I regret the coveted gazes that took residence in the threads of your muscles now precinct, hardly noticed nor remembered

You're the seventh page of my diary, as well as the eighth, the ninth, the tenth and it goes on till the edge of this cliff you call home

There are things I don't know why I do

Like the time I gave myself bruises on my shins just because I liked the colour

Has anyone ever thought of how bruises are actually a metaphor of everything unsaid?

Capillaries bursting under the surface of your skin and not flowing, like the words that ride in submarines in your head but never brave enough to say them out loud

Things sound nicer when they come from your lips anyway.

I laugh too much

Is the passion carved on your skull as deep and carefully thought out as the things you say?

Warmth from you is as untrue and synthetic as your boxing gloves strapped tightly on

Punches with the soul of death, you pretend your stares are empty

I’ve watched sunsets more times than I have seen your smile

The darkness that swallows the harbor isn’t something we’d talk about over steaming cups of coffee

I don’t drink coffee anyway

I heard you make lovely icy rainbow popsicles and hand them out at barbecues

But nothing’s colder than your hard gaze, as hard as your cheekbones

I wish you’d grow your hair mid-back so you can finally braid it

I am not so sure what waiting is supposed to do except breed hope and a whole lot of misery

Silhouettes are me and you and everything intangible, just like me and you and black and white, just like me and you

I am in love with you but I do not love you.

There's a pinprick on each of your knuckles on one hand and I think I can hear you say they're for weekdays of guilt.

You're saying you'll scratch out "sorry" on your palm and press it on everything you own so the blood stains leave their mark.

You think the world is much easier to live in if you don't have to apologize with your lips.

“Don’t take too many pictures of the same thing,” you snapped once but it was only because you wanted them to see the sky turn from pink to orange for themselves and not on glossy paper. It was almost like you were saying sorry to the sky.

You watched something funny once and I remember you kneeling over with your face in the carpet. I thought you were laughing until you refused to get up hours later and I saw tears seeping through the fabric and realized you were begging on your knees.

You stand by the glass window, your eyelashes catching the light with your eyes downcast. You do that every time you think you cannot tell the difference between being ruthless and pretending you don’t care.

I remember the day you stood across and finally looked right at me with your black eyes and your gritted teeth, your breath steadied in patterned gulps, your hands hanging down the sides of your hips.

Your biggest apology was this stone cold silence.

1.  She will love you more than anything, but she will grow tired of the bitter taste your words leave.

2. She will leave you and you will deny yourself the right to feel anything for her. It will **** you.

3. She will spend her nights with a pencil or pen, and you will fill yours with a different girl each time- desperately trying to find someone who's eyes look like hers.

4. No one will compare to her, but you will fail to learn that. She will be one of a kind and you are a jack of all trades. She will continue being her own and you will become just another card in the deck.

5. She will forgive you for every mistake, but she will not forget the way your words left scars on her chest.

6. All she will ever want is to feel like you fight for her, but you'll never go to bat for anything other than yourself.

7. If it would bring you back, she would apologize for every second thought and every slash of tongue- and she would mean it.

8.  She will try and reconcile as best she can, but she will always seem to forget how stubborn you are.

9. You will love her more than any other woman in your life, and she will feel the same. When she leaves, you will find yourself looking for her in everyone- but she will move on without you.

10. For her, it will always be you. You could come back in three years, and live four time zones ahead, and she will wake up at two am just to make sure you slept okay. Her arms will always be open, with your name etched into her ribs.

11. For you, she will always be stained by the bitterness of your abandonment. An abandonment you will bring upon yourself, when you decide that the girl next door is better than the one in your bed.

12. She will want to stay friends- close, but not too close; you should let her, but you won't. I feel sorry for you- everyone wants her on their side. She will love fiercely and she will support you even when you don't deserve it.

13. It doesn't matter what girls you will try and love after her because none of them will be as good. She will know your past and your future, she will love you even when your insecurities shine like headlights. She will know and she won't care.

14. Every girl you will try to love is made up of pieces of her. One will love cats, another will swim and another will be very quiet. You will search for her in every girl you meet, but you will never find her. You will never find her because she will finally run away from your headlights, your bitter words and the knives you throw at her chest.

15. When you finally realize all of this, it will be too late to catch her.

the smell of this place
will soon fade at the back of our minds
each thought & memory
will soon be broken into uncompleted lines

one day we will find our feet back
walking the ground where you first fell in love
touching the halls that are now a different hue
to see if they've forgotten you

tales of fairy & lore
will soon be covered with dust
your firsts and lasts
will soon all be eaten by rust

the place of our childhood
though many years have grown
its ceilings may decay
but it will always love to be your home

the trees may bend and left forgotten
hidden behind tall buildings & lampposts
most of what you left behind
will soon all be ghosts

familiar faces with unfamiliar scents
they wont expect you to stay same
tight bonds will melt into loose ends
and they will forget your name

my name isn't carved into something historical
all of this will be washed by the rain
how bittersweet it is
to travel down memory lane

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