Just realized there was never love
no angels, Cupid, or future thereof
months gone while we played pretend
’til I sobered up and found a dead end

Reminiscing echoes of words we said
the dreams of joy have fallen dead
no love to feel, just hollowed poise
a loop of lies and static noise

I wait for texts that never come
I think you’re drowning in seas of ***
I gave too much to be stuck at sea
I let go thinking you’d marry me

You smiled when I played awkward
You calmed stress with a careful word
You parlayed my love until it suited you best
You played the game while I fell obsessed

now I sit alone sipping tea
We were never meant to be.
what’s done in the past can never be reversed
the future is filled with lust’s loaded hearse

BBQ sauce left in the car
weeks pass and it left a scar,
but the smell reminds me of Royal Farms.
Might need to revise these bars…

Hidden between the seat and the console
mind drifting to memory’s console.
Usually it’d be gone, fast decay
but the one that left my soul
I’ve missed ‘till present day.

Tenders’ aroma; im stuck in Maryland
dreams in place,
fell into the past again.

Played cool this vague fool
a zoned companion wasting fuel,
hypocritical news:
you became my muse.

Laying beneath the car changing bands
like myself.
Try to fix problems I don’t fully understand.
Stripping bolt holes, saving wealth;
I’m feeling real loose.
Progress aborted, but still need my caboose.

Jack stayed for a while, standing his ground,
as I contemplate ways to fix and rebound.
Pondering days; I was happy in the fall
my mind in the sink, Jack cracked:
911 call.

Paramedics came rushing,
lights bright, can’t blink.
Beginning to realize I can’t even think,
just images of life and flowers adrift
the car was too heavy for me to lift.

No fights, no pleas,
soft voice lets me leave.
Stuck wading the seas
what a life I done weaved.

Leaving love, leaving passion,
lost my soul; one line caption.

Feeling free but not gone,
lone sharks in motion
too proud to hold on.

No closure or commotion,
just a ‘scort leaving hearts.

And I’m stuck with our memories
a fish bleeding apart.

Front page stanzas emotional; bleeding ink
tried to comply but
I sliced up my face and can hardly blink

(Will this make me famous like I want to be?)

Nah i should just go and start some tea
a wars a’coming I’m sure you've all heard:
future Chinese overlords mock Trump’s word.

**** not trynna get political tho
maybe i should just go back to my hole

with Chat GPT resurrecting my soul
– I swear, Ms. Chatbitch is not in control.

Finally lost my access to heaven
the Devil come beckon, a’half past seven.
Clothes signal wealth but reeking of powder;
spoke gain, fulfilled cravings of green
if done by the hour.

Up to the room glowing off the square,
red lights’ regret hung thick in the air.
Her belly, strong eyes; knives pierced in her glance,
one look was enough– no more of this dance.

Returned to the den, composed with no hurry.
Met his face in this place for the folly.
“Clean up the mess?” he asked lacking hesitation;
I pulled the trigger, “she gave you a son!”

Glanced to my side– could barely believe;
the same woman smiled, no sorrow beneath.
“This isn’t his… just having some fun!”
Couldn’t react, her bullet had won.

Crumpled maybes dunked in sin
no one to cheer, 3-pointers go in.
Silence: loud, no effort in clouds
mind trapped, feeling like an exile.

A pause, not in play,
my mind’s gone away–
Tahiti! with ***, my new child.

Warm beach ’neath my feet,
parties sans the beat,
endless walks free in denial.

Can’t settle too long;
avoiding poems in song.
Trash packed with thoughts I’ve compiled.

Signatures forced; names pulled out of hats–
‘marching for freedom!’ They’ll lie like a bat.
Justice claimed in propaganda’s song,
rifles loaded and cocked for causes feeling wrong.

Unbled suits, children passing notes;
shrapnel still hits–truth gutted in quotes.
Let’s salute the flag, like we’re stuck in the past,
while allies become the enemies at last.

Defensive claims shading truth for more land,
treaties get forged with the loss of a hand.
Stitched uniforms covering fear and doubt–
once you’re drafted, there’s no getting out.

Next war’s a’coming–they’ll force with a smile;
algorithmic orders, new patriots’ style.
So focus your rage, don’t fall into the lore–
reasons disappearing; they’ll send you offshore.

An ankle? My, what a tragic turn of fate–
apparent flaring, perfect for the date.
Amazing! Striking so near the frame,
just when the vibe started feeling plain.

Guess it comes natural–
lying without a try.
Excuses come easy for those playing sly.
Thought we had love; I guess that explains:
meaningless texts stay stuck on the brain.

Crippling commitment–still almost combined.
Try to keep fakers from manipulating my bind.
So stay in your lane; fake love, keep your pride.
I’ll limp away, just letting you slide.

Topics truthful, detached, a couple mentions of pain,
but vibes is what seems to ignite the flame.
A tongue on warm thighs, sultry stares rise;
just like the views, feeling heat in the air.

Passing eyes seeking more? I guess it’s a bore–
more visuals; let’s roll in the hay!
A part of the game, some roles will stay–
quill making loops under hair.

Keep switching lanes; no need for acclaim,
they’re wanting a show– I’m not entertain-
ment.

So, I write to fun not impressment–
no, no, no, no
thoughts in my head, investment
bears.
Still, ink flows, paper trails creating
scenes running from misery.

Solution spilled on the tile
scent strong, clean, but too much by the mile.
Scrubbing dirt on my knees–
nothing too vile.
Just a kid with a rag and a needing: worthwhile

Barging in with a tension,
not trying to fight.
Accusing sin, closing in,
eyes angry and bright.

Forests, trees calm– noises quite loud
Try to keep quiet, just as rehearsed–
invisible, head bowed.

Scream in my face, inches from cursed
try it today–

kids go out and play.

some people need help—
it’s crazy to see.
stalking kids, pedophil’ is
A ******* disease.

Marching on a field of white
lines striping the way.
Piping on my clarinet-
marching band back in the day.

Drilled through the heat - harsh light,
sets perfected by the night.
Playing solo’d make me fly
but together we can cry.

Move as one, hitting dots, our bodies spoke music,
the songs we once knew, now distant and elusive.
Reeds left unopened, my mind's gone acoustic-
echoes remaining from memory once lucid.

Cruising towards a goal I haven't created yet.
Shifting into neutral-
some things time can't forget.

Window cracked open, sensing breezy vibes
mind still racing, feeling trapped in insides.
Pull into gear passing hills of depression-
weight in the car, not feeling progression.

Idle tunes low, not hearing the words,
wishing for peace but I get a slow burn.
View in the rear - regret, roads bypassed,
but I'm finally running from a life without mass.

Tongue at your thighs,
staring deep in your eyes.
Tasting peach oceans-
warm, full of lies.

Whispering sweetness, legs starting to shift-
feeling the rhythm, tension uplifts.

Kiss on your neck, sweet- no reason to hurry,
stroking you slowly, lost in your body's flurry.

A breath on the ear, hands on your waist,
feeling your moans like a song made of grace.

Your arch, your song-
why can’t we belong?

Pain disguised as boredom
masked by being high all the time.
Hotboxing with denial,
thinking there's nothing wrong with mine

mind drowned in reassuringly comfortable lies.

**** controlling without objection -
past trauma hidden deep with suppression.

But one more hit will make me feel wise.

Had to quit to grow and wake up.
I'm sorry we had to go and break up -
but an addiction to numbness
can't be what I continually take up.

Dance for me like you're not working-
smiling eyes, look deep in my soul.
The beat bumps irrelevant nothings
while I let you take control.

Hips speaking more than words,
and I sit and contemplate the show.
Although I'm paying, it's not faking
to say I don't truly know:

Was this moment real - and does it matter,
if I'm still happy when I get home?

Wandering to a place that I have no intention of staying,
wondering what my mind has me saying.
Multiple thoughts running around inside
and nobody near to clear my bind

Im stuck.

So many options, too many to choose
Maybe one more will get back my old views,
Flavors behind the glass looking almost like candy
For $30 though like, you could just buy a brandy
Or maybe a cake -something else that you can actually enjoy.

One puff and my mind is ‘awake.’
And we’re stuck again with this ******* cancer toy.
This **** makes me feel terrible and irritable af
Why is it that I cant give it the **** up?

Wanting a hug that doesn't seem to come
texts left hanging, I guess we're undone.
Wasn't asking for much,
just a chance to be heard.
Feel like a munch,
faded plans and no word.