precious innocent soul
skipping rocks
on cobblestone roads
vulnerable untarnished pure
no residue of earthly soil

return me to that naiveté
unburdened by layers
of fake masks
and perfect capped teeth
in narcissistic societies

but I shan’t grasp
at ethereal edges
of nebulousness
and ephemeral
innocence

i shall endure
what I abhor
a master’s soul
cannot be forged
in paradise

wisdom’s essence
‘tis not pristine white
hints of ivory
tinge the effervescence
of the sage’s breath

©2016janetaylor

Do you remember
when we first met,  when we first shared a look?
But not just any look..
the look where you glance at some one for the first time
and realize there's something more there.

The way you can't look away,
like there is a connection there...
that you didn't know could exist
-
But it does

now.

Now every time,
we share our presence ..
I can't help but look at you when you're not looking.
There is something deeper there
something you're not telling us,
something you're not telling me..

You try to hide it behind a mask of funny and sarcastic comments,
which I can see right through.

And then when you catch me looking at you..
I don't look away.
Simply because I want you to know I'm here
I'm present.
Share your darkest and deepest thoughts with me.

I want it
- I want it all -

Infatuation is a funny thing,
its short lived, so they say
but weather it's for
10 minutes
or
10 years
I want to share this moment with you.
With just you..

Because little time spent opening up with you
is better than

no time at all

My heart hurts
And so do my eyes
And what's left of my brain
And my legs ache
It is if as I am running from who I am
All the time.
I love her so much, I cannot even explain how deep
My love for her truly is.
And I cannot imagine my life without her
Because she truly is my light.
But I can't help how afraid I am.
I am not afraid of our beautiful relationship,
But what our relationship might be if
Someone-our school and/or parents- we're to find out.
I can feel tension and anger and sadness swell up inside of my chest
And all I want to do is to protect her.
But how can I do that by hiding all of the time?
We kissed openly yesterday by the lakefront
And my God, I miss the way she looked under that sunset.
I miss the way she tasted with that hint of salt in the air.
I just miss being hers openly.
Sometimes I ask myself and God, why am I gay?
Is there no man who will ever perfectly complete me like
She does? I honestly think not, she truly feels like the only one
Who can know me better than I ever could.
And does any mans lips feel any more truer than when her lips
Are on mine? Everything about me in this moment is a fire that is burning. I am burning and raging against this door because I'm not sure how much longer I can be contained. I simply cannot live in secrecy but if I ever let this flame out then everything would burn. I love her so much and I simply cannot let this flame go because if I did, all hell would break loose and we would both be put to death in the worst manner possible.

I just want to love her the way God meant for it to be, but how can I do that when everyone I've ever loved has told me it is wrong? That it is immoral and disgusting and a sin. I can't believe for a single second that our love could be a sin. Maybe we can't have children and maybe the way we make love is different from the way you do it, but in all honesty, is that what makes a relationship beautiful? I find the way she crinkles her nose to be enough to set a flame in my heart and the way she points her toes when swinging on swings to add to ignition and the way she smiles at me to keep me going forever. I love her so strongly and passionately that maybe I am crazy, but this love can certainly not be immoral. Why would He make me this way? Just to put me in hell? Did Satan indeed win my soul from the moment I was conceived and God just... gave up? No, I cannot believe this for a single second. He loves me and he loves her and he loves us and if you cannot understand how we have maintained this beautiful and loving relationship for so long while staying hidden it is because you do not see the effect that God has on us. I believe that he wants us together, not to eventually cause us pain. I hate lying, and I'm sure God can see it even more easily than my lovely girlfriend does, but maybe He lets me lie because he does not see any other way to let me be with my other half.

There's a million ways to love a soul.
And I'm done holding back, just so you know.

Because I love so many people in this day to day life.
I can't hold it back, just to be someone's wife.

There's the way I love you.
I want to have our home.
I want to go on adventures.
Never leave you alone.
Make silly faces.
Caress your hair.
Make goofy videos.
Cuddle our pets.
Maybe a baby...
Fancy that.

There's the way I love you.
Always messages a few a times a year.
Happy birthday. Merry Christmas.
How are you my dear?
How is the wife? How are the babies?
I found your letter.
Man, we were crazy.

There's the way I love you.
You taught me so much.
A better way to think.
A better way to touch.
How important it is to value myself.
And how to let go.
That's why I love you so.

And there's the way I love you.
The unapologetic ways.
In which you take my hand
But make everyone the same.
The way you say,
"I just want to see you"
And even though it's temporary,
You make time seem brand new.

There are too many ways to love a person.
How you can be so sure what is real?
Which one is forever?
Which one would should we feel?

But I wouldn't be me, with out all of this painful action.

I want a world that's not afraid to love.