It's been a few years since this feeling of hopelessness and the weight of something a little more sharp than sadness settled in the gut of my stomach and rewired my brain.  
"Chemical makeup and nothing more than a passing phase," she told me. "I made it through and so will you."
"How long?" I sighed out, tired although the day had only just begun for me.
Some days are harder than others. Most days I wake up and forget what it's like to feel okay, forget what it's like to have a productive day, forget what it's like to feel fully rested. Other days feel like a war being fought on my own front lawn and I can do nothing to stop it.
I'm not scared, although I suppose I always have a little fear. I fear I won't wake up the next morning, fear that I might, fear that I won't wake up from the nightmare that is depression.
"I don't know, honey, but it will be okay," she rubs my hand and I can see the battle wounds of her own wars painted on her skin. Nobody is ever safe from themselves.

I am so sorry
that you have had to adapt to your name being "woman"
I am so sorry
that your pleas for help,
are referred to as *******
I am so sorry
that you learned to laugh it off
in the evening after he raised his voice at you
I am so sorry
that you are reminded daily that without him
you wouldn't last in this world
and I am even sorrier
that your son grew up
watching his father speak down to you
because now he treats me
the way you have been treated

I am one with the universe
Full of galaxies and stars
Bright light hides beneath my skin
My heart feels warm like my mind
I don't ever fall anymore, I keep floating
My soul is finally free

every minute have passed,
memories are buried in the past,
but feelings keeps lingering through my veins,
a pang inside of my chest i know it's pain.

Now don’t leave me all alone,
How will all the dreams come through?
I take a look at this beautiful carving,
I see your face smiling back at me,
When will this voyage come to an end?

Haven’t you sailed enough, my love?
Are you no more a mad lover?
What is keeping you away?
Come back to your real home,
I shall tame you like before,
Shower you with love and affection,
The shores are also crying with me,
For they have witnessed our love,
I have become a piece of that infinite night,
I see you in my sleep as much as am alive,
Come rescue me,
Let the voyage come to an end.