Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth fixing,
The clock on my desk has been broken for too long now.
The hands have not move, have not touch.
But time hasn't stop,
And every now and then a second laughs at my clock,
A minute brushes its side,
An hour smiles at the stillness.
Years have passed and my clock has remained unchanged, unrepaired.
It is frozen in a moment of time,
Still in a bundle of memories,
Trapped in the infinity of the universe.
I wonder if it's even worth fixing a brokenness that makes you feel infinite.
I wonder if a life that could end is worth more than a death that persists.

On my nightstand a matryoshka looks at me,
Bright red and drawings all over it.
"You are just like me", she says,
And I understand what she means.

Underneath my skin there are layers of me
Different versions of the same girl
One beneath each
Some only see the surface,
The easiest part to see,
When I'm all I'm expected to be.

It takes a lot to see what's underneath myself,
To take each part and carefully observe.
Layer after layer taken away,
Leaving me wide open,
To try and self-repair.
Sometimes people forget
That it's so much harder to put something messy back together again.

But I promise there are more layers of me to see
I'm not just a woman,
I won't do what's expected from me
I won't surrender to the invisible fight of my gender.
Not all girls are the same,
We all have our own layers.

At the deep of the doll,
The center of me,
There is my core, all of which is me.
No more layers, no more lies
No more façade or stereotypes.

I'm just a girl, a russian doll.

I wish i knew what love felt like, so i could write about love

I wish i knew what you felt like, so i could write about you

I wish I knew what your arms felt like, so i could write about the void within ourselves, the warmth we share, the breaths we steal

I wish i knew what your voice felt like, so i could write about your voice in my neck, your lips on my hair, your hands on my hips

I wish i knew how your lips felt like, so i could write about your taste in my tongue, the sparkles in your eyes, the butterflies in my chest

I wish i knew what love felt like, so i could feel, for one time at least, my heart beat

You can see the tremble in her hands,
the subtle twitches under her light eyes,
the small freckles on her face,
and remain in awe for
all of the beauty
in the world
lies in
her.

We lost each other
In the midst of our feelings.
The time we spent in these orbits,
Around one another,
Looking, grasping, almost touching,
Was it all lost time?
Oh, love of mine.
We collided at the seams of our hearts,
The oceans flooded with the words that poured out of my mind.
But we weren't meant to be.
We were different planets.
Lost.
Alone.
And floating aimlessly
Through infinity.

The space between her lips. That infinite space that forms in her face when her soul makes an effort to stay in her body. The space that allows the only scape for her thoughts when they surpass her mind. That inviting space, offering the lust that everyone dreams of, but at the same time showing innocence and purity. That dark space dividing her pale lips that drives into an encircled moment, not in the past or the future, but in the now, and in the tide of waves.

I feel drained,
As if my body is a dictionary full of words I cant use to make beautiful rhymes.
Drained and empty,
As if my soul is a whisper a lover exhales when there is no one left by his side.
Empty and sad,
As if I am the death of the hope that's crushed under the pressure of the world.
Sad and dead,
As if I am not here at all.

We lost each other
In the midst of our feelings.
The oceans filled with the words of our hearts.
Walking right next to each other.
Not seeing, not looking.
Was I invisible to you?
Am I still invisible to you?
I can't reach your hand,
And you don't want to reach mine.
You keep roaming in the mist,
And although I see the path
The path of light
I stay.
I stay in the mist with you.

Yesterday I saw him wearing glasses.
My father used to have a perfect vision.
His hair was gray, like the ashes of my cigar.
His hands, wrinckled, like my heart after the thought of you.

His grip was not as hard as it used to.
His hand holding mine was no longer strong.
But when we walk on the streets he still protects me,
as if his paper-thin body could stop a storm.

"You'll always be my baby daughter" he says with a smile that shadows his eyes.
With a tired body and soul,
but with a heart just as big and infinite as time.

I dissapear in the cold night,
The stars can't light my inner darkness.
I drift apart,
Like the ocean
But I never return.

I break apart, tearing myself up,
Surrounded by abscence,
Filled with emptiness.

I've never known better,
And I know I will not.
So, just let me rot
And let me
Be just a shout into the void.