to you I am but a memory,
waiting to be forgotten

I often find my heart lies with the lads
And I find I related more than my body should
And other days I find I align with what my mother would be proud of

The confusion sickens me    
I feel like a freak
A shapeshifter in a circus
One who crowds gather to gawk at
It feels like they stare and mock my absurdity
It rips me apart to feel so different

And I have been told that it is for attention
But please know that no one would wish this confusion on themselves only to be looked at with disdain
I am me and that is simple and plain

I'm terrified of sleeping alone
so please i beg you dont go

I'm always catching up
notes in school
fashion trends of the cool
I feel like im always behind
but by the time I catch up
it will surely be time to die

my viscous brain is leaking out
i hear the thump of my heart
accelerate and then fade
i am tired, far to tired to stay awake
goodnight and goodbye

I am empty
I find as time goes on
it is as if my emotions were tied to me by a thread that has been cut and now I hold these feelings in my hand so familiar and yet foreign at the same time,
I know I should feel but I cannot
and I have found there is nothing more terrifying

I sit in my void
and I search for the code,
the key to this enigma,
because secrecy is key
when you love unrequited,
so I will write about you,
for you
but first I must find
the unsolvable code
of our relationship

I am a star in the simple sense
that from afar I look alive and bright,
so I beg you not to come closer
I don't want you to know im dead inside

Hold me in your arms
Let me feel again
Fill the void in my body
I wanna feel like I did back then

I am lost not to be found  
An ethereal being in the wind
We were oblivion bound
Lets go back before we sinned

Someone stole my mind
They crept into my head
They took control of my body and live the life I led
When they look into the mirror it is I who stares back    
But my true defining features are something that they lack.

Someone's in my body trying to steal my mind
no matter where I go they always creep behind
They look apon me sickly        
My dreams twisted in a haze  
This insanity berates me
Why won't they go away

unfortunately, loneliness seems to be my lot in life.
I am but a shell of the person I once was

The time has come like I knew it would
You have locked me out from your heart
But if gives you serenity I dont mind
It is destined for us to be apart

feet move and in a moment she's gone
my breath leaves me and I am nauseous,
I know there is company more desirable than mine
but still this loneliness breaks my senses
and then when you return you have the audacity to ask me why I seem upset

perhaps its childish for me to be mad
but I never did like the idea of growing up

To my lover who hails from the land that rules the waves,
Though I may never see you
I pray you will sail to me even if im in my grave

We are separated by sea and sand,
But I long for a day I can feel your touch,
Because life without you i've decided is very bland,
But living without seeing you is extremely rough

Fantasies of death were my introduction,
To the lust for self destruction
In the darkness I am lost in      
I will hold my saviour hostage

without you I am stagnant,
trapped in a monochrome world
and what is an artist without their muse but a book without words

When I say she is beauty incarnate
It is not an exaggeration.  
She could draw the breath of any mortal man or woman,
Her skin like silk, and eyes like
The sea.  
Though her eyes seemed icy,  
They burned with a passion
Stronger than the gods.                      
                                        
Perhaps she was a goddess herself.
If aphrodite was to walk this earth,  
It would be in this body.  
one look from her and all my senses
Ignite and I burn,
She is both the calm before the storm,
And the storm itself.
I love both sides as one

I look into the mirror and ask
"Am I truly happy?"
and my empty reflection replies
" no, perhaps you never were"

Turn over a new leaf they say,
I laugh because they act as if change is easy,
as if leaving you is simple because you hurt me
they call me a fool for staying
but they do not understand I cannot let go

I envy my muse
for it must be nice
to be loved so much
that one would wish
to declare it to the world

they rustle their books and school bags
a desperate plea to teachers to let them be free
free from this prison
where mistakes and judgement shackle you

In truth what's wrong with me is that
I want to be loved
I selfishly crave to be adored by someone above everyone else
I want to know what its like to be important to someone
I want someone to write poetry for me or to think of me at random times when im not there or just to do something small to show me they care
All ive ever wanted was someone who genuinely cared I dont want to be a friend for when its convenient or just for a laugh in school
It took me a long time to realise it but even the most cynical nihilistic people wish to be loved

I'm happier when you're gone,
so why do I invite you back?

despite all you have done for me
i am terribly unhappy
and for that i am sorry

I had thought you were different
but i guess I've been wrong before

I'd travel the world
just to come home to you

you were never supposed to last
but you're absence leaves me feeling
an emptiness I've never known.

like those who came before you
i tried to give you all i had and more
i had lived to make you happy
and still like the others you walked out the door

all is fair in love and war
but you went too far
and you pulled me apart

And I regret not telling you
how I had adored the ground you walked on
How I lived to see your happiness

And I regret letting you go
For it was a mistake
to me your worth was more than gold
I want you to know
My heart was yours to take

I'm so scared when I'm alone
why cant you see that i cant cope

im tired of living in the name of others
if i cannot live for myself then i dont want to live at all

they say poetry is to display your emotion
but i have nothing to express

Those kind words you so rarely gave me
could keep me warmer in winter
than any blanket could

forget! forget!
forget we're all dead
cover your ears! ears!
so you cant hear me scream of my fears

Etch into my skin the marks of your desire
Burn me in your light
I want to know what love is like

I wish to sleep
and cease to breathe,
and then maybe I'll be free

my world is crumbling around me
and all I can do is wait till its done
so I can pick up the pieces again

I know that you will leave
all in due time
but perhaps for now
we can pretend we're alright

if my love could give life,
then you would be immortal

My death shall bring no joy nor despair
for I am a wisp in the wind

As church bells ring
and all are dressed in black
our final moments pass
how can we go back?

my dying breath will be your sigh of relief