Fourteen years ago when I held you in my arms, it seemed surreal. So fragile you were and like a tiny doll. Only God knows how much I miss being able to pick you up and hug you tightly close to my heart whenever I feel depressed.
And yet I love you now all the more. You are so special to me and always shall be. Our family has shared so many joys and so much heartbreak through the swiftly passing years.
You are sunshine and daybreak and iridescent rainbow hues.
The baby has been replaced with a very special friend.


Happy Birthday Sweet Daughter!


Much Love,
From Your Mother

His muscles are tightened
and my intestines twist in my stomach juice.
His eyes are glued to the glowing screen,
but mine trace the curves of his back, shoulders, and neck.
I close my eyes and feel his touch,
his soft caress and tender ******.
My hands and fingers through his hair,
his chocolate skin and everywhere.

I open my eyes to the TV's glare.
Light shines back across him,
an arms length away from my burning.
I bite my tongue and hold my breath,
only breathing again at the fantasy
of someone loving me.
Saving me.

He's right there and doesn't know
how he makes me cry inside,
every time he moves an inch, laughs out loud, or-
god forbid he turns around.
He does just this, an looks at me,
smiles that smile and pats my knee.
As if he feels for me.
Won't you feel me please?

At home I lie in the dark,
trying to smell part of him on my clothes.
Nothing.
I stare at the ceiling,
my mind too full to let me close my eyes.
I'm only able to smile,
though I know I will later cry.
His image ingrained for another sleepless night.

So there's a thin line
     between confidence and arrogance...*

          Humility.

© 2015 J.S.P.

Search inside yourself for love,
It has to start somewhere,
You have to love yourself before,
Others even start to care.

I learned the hard way,
I suffered alone,
Body Dysmorphia,
As it is better known.

I went insane first of course,
I couldn't look at myself,
I hated everything i was,
At risk of being left on the shelf.

People would say,
Surely it's not that bad,
But what do they know,
I was way past sad.

I decided to take it,
One step at a time,
I decided to change,
I started the climb.

Out of the dark,
No longer alone,
Working through my fears,
With my husband at home.

I can conquer the whole world with one hand behind my back

As long as my other hand is holding **yours