instant chemistry,
instant spark.
new person, new topics, new feelings
yet somehow, it feels as if we’ve already met.
a familiarity in you that I see in me, too.
common interests, humour, and laughs,
the only two things that separate us
are gender and heart.

a newfound bond,
a connection I already see
shining strong and true.
you see me, and I see you
our real selves, transparent and clear,
as if we read each other fluently.

it hasn’t been long since actually knowing you,
yet it feels like I’ve known you my whole life.

our friendship still new, still beaming, hopefully true
but with misread signals and miscommunication,
each falling for someone,
but I thought you liked me.
you didn’t know I liked you.

feeling like an idiot
hurt and annoyed.
after feeling it all, I realised
my feelings were real, but untrue.

I like you a lot,
but not how I thought I did.
I thought I had a romantic crush on you,
but I have a crush on you as a person,
as a friend.

and I’m so glad we’ve met now
and get to live this life together,
finally having someone
who sees our real selves,
finally seeing something deeper
than the reflection in a mirror.

A never-ending pattern,
my own internal fight.
I get attached too easily,
pour my soul into others,
give them my all
and leave nothing for myself.

Maybe if I make them happy,
keep them safe,
they’ll stay this time.
Maybe for once,
I won’t be left
empty-handed,
rebuilding again.

A never-ending pattern,
my own quiet war.
Maybe if I give enough,
they’ll finally like me.
Maybe I’ll finally be loved
without having to beg.
Maybe I’ll finally be wanted
without having to bribe.

Until then, my pattern of destruction continues.
Demolishing my own foundation
just to furnish others.
Turning myself into shelter
for people who never intended to stay.

I attach too easily,
too quickly.
I try so hard to fix others,
forgetting I’m just as broken,
just as alone.

I get excited too easily,
too quickly.
I try so hard to hold onto others,
but they always leave.
And I’m left there,
demolished by my own bricks,
heartbroken and crumbled,
because I let it happen again.

But even in the rubble,
I ignore the caution signs
because some part of me still hopes.
She always has.
And she always will.

[ ] Everyone notices I’m angry
[ ] But no one notices that the anger is all of my suppressed sadness
[ ] For once just trying to be heard

[ ] They see the fire, but not the ashes it’s built on
[ ] They flinch at the spark, but never ask what lit it
[ ] People always blame the wildfires for blazing
[ ] But without the sun there would be no fire
[ ] Yet still no one ever blames the sun

[ ] Maybe that’s why I give so much
[ ] If I shine warm enough, maybe they won’t fear my flame
[ ] Maybe if I love loud enough, someone will see past the smoke
[ ] Maybe if I pour enough light into others
[ ] They will feel warm enough to stay

[ ] I am the caretaker
[ ] The noticer
[ ] The lover
[ ] The giver
[ ] Because it temporarily heals the part of me that needed that back
[ ] But as always
[ ] My efforts are one sided
[ ] And I’m left in a never-ending loop

[ ] I’m desperate for someone to understand me the same way
[ ] I see people’s pain
[ ] I feel their emotion changes
[ ] I sense their struggles
[ ] I listen to their worries
[ ] All because I know what it’s like to deal with it alone
[ ] I’m empathetic because I know how hard it is to live in my own shadows
[ ] And still be blamed for not shining as bright

[ ] I care with such a passion
[ ] Make myself such a prominent guiding figure in people’s lives
[ ] Because maybe if they see how much I care
[ ] If they stay long enough in my warmth
[ ] They will see that my fire doesn’t actually burn so bright
[ ] Maybe they will notice
[ ] Notice all the things I never say
[ ] Notice all of the pain carved into my soul
[ ] Into my skin

[ ] I’ve lit a thousand candles for others
[ ] But no one ever stopped to ask
[ ] Who lit me
[ ] They only see the flame when it lashes out
[ ] Not the wax that’s melted in silence

[ ] I am not dangerous
[ ] I’m not the blaze you want to blame
[ ] Just a candle burning low
[ ] Holding tight to a fragile flame
[ ] Afraid to burn out alone

[ ] Sometimes I wish I could just stop trying
[ ] Stop pretending this weight isn’t crushing me

[ ] But I keep going because I don’t know how to be any other way

[ ] And maybe if they looked a little closer
[ ] They’d see I was never trying to burn anything down
[ ] I was trying to survive the arson I was born into
[ ] Trying to stitch warmth into a body that’s always been cold
[ ] Trying to glow in a world that only praises the sun
[ ] And punishes anything that flickers

[ ] But no one mourns a candle when it goes out
[ ] They only curse the dark it leaves behind

[  ] I can never forgive myself for forgiving you

[  ] All those chances
[  ] All those days
[  ] And yet still you have always behaved the same

[  ] "Forgive him, he's family" is what they would all say
[  ] And I did
[  ] Every. Single. Time.

[  ] You were supposed to be the grown-up
[  ] but somehow, I always ended up being the one who acted grown
[  ] I was just a kid
[  ] And I was the one holding us together.
[  ] It was me bringing calm to your chaos,
[  ] Nursing you when you were sick
[  ] Keeping myself entertained
[  ] Playing with ******* to keep myself from feeling lonely
[  ] Cause you never bothered to grow up and show up
[  ] And even when you did, I still felt alone

[  ] And every time you got it together
[  ] you’d be better for a while.
[  ] You’d laugh again
[  ] act like things were normal
[  ] And make me think you were finally here to stay
[  ] So I’d let my guard fall just enough to believe it.

[  ] Then you'd disappear.
[  ] Or snap
[  ] leaving me again.
[  ] Always blaming myself, always thinking it was my fault
[  ] Also thinking that you didn’t love me anymore
[  ] Leaving me a mess.

[  ] And there I was again
[  ] In a never-ending cycle
[  ] a kid who was forced to grow up fast,
[  ] spinning lies to make you sound okay,
[  ] telling myself maybe next time would be different
[  ] Telling myself and everyone else "he's different this time"
[  ] But you were always the same

[  ] But now I'm grown up
[  ] And I'm tired of giving you chances
[  ] Of giving you my undying love and trust

[  ] Every now and the it replays
[  ] The sentence that got said so often it's written in my vains
[  ] "But hes your dad"
[  ] But I'm his daughter
[  ] But to everyone else that didn't matter
[  ] Because I should have been greatful that at least he was still "around"


[  ] We grew up together, really
[  ] you were practically a child too.
[  ] But with age, I matured.
[  ] You didn’t.
[  ] Even though I know you wanted to.

[  ] So I've finally decided I'm sick of making excuses for you
[  ] I've moved on
[  ] My patience has been used
[  ] But i understand it more now, however i dont accept it as an excuse
[  ] So for now, I made peace with who you are and what you do

[  ] You only get one dad, and I suppose I do love you
[  ] But I'm sick of forgiving you
[  ] Even though this time maybe it stuck

[  ] You have gotten better.
[  ] And I see that you try.
[  ] I know that you feel guilty.
[  ] But how do I know you mean it this time?

[  ] My one wish with all of this
[  ] Is that one day you will finally forgive yourself
[  ] And make peace with the fact that you ****** up.

[  ] Mistakes can fade,
[  ] but they don’t always disappear.

[  ] Like a scratch in polished wood,
[  ] you can sand it, seal it, varnish it with love
[  ] but the grain never forgets.

[  ] And neither does the little girl inside me.
[  ] She’s still there
[  ] stuck in time,
[  ] hoping you’d finally get your act together,
[  ] hoping you’d finally be her dad.

[  ] I’ve grown. I’ve healed. I’ve moved forward.

[  ] But she’s still waiting for the day
[  ] you become the man
[  ] she always believed you could be

You're growing tired of me.
I can feel it in the spaces where your silence has started to settle.
I feel it in every breath you don't take around me anymore,
I feel it with how every laugh feels further away than it used to.
You don’t say it outright, but I see it in the way your eyes move past mine,
like I'm something you’ve already looked at too long
and you’re just trying to be polite.


I loved you so hard I still can’t sleep.
My mind keeps pulling your name apart and folding it back into maybes and ifs,
and I replay it all, the quiet moments, the almosts, everything
until I start to think they mean more than they should.
You should know I never stopped loving you, not even for a second.
But I don’t think you’ve figured that out
or maybe you have,
and you’ve just stopped loving me.
The thought of that sits heavy in my stomach, like a second heartbeat.
Some nights I start thinking up versions of myself that might’ve been easier to love
ones who don’t wear their sadness so visibly and so meanly,
ones who wouldn’t make you feel like staying is a chore.


You're growing tired
of all the things I won’t say out loud,
the feelings I edit out of every sentence
because I’m scared of tipping the balance
between “close friend” and “too much.”
So I swallow the aches before they rise,
tie my thoughts into neat little knots
so you don’t see how messy it really gets.
How messy I really am.


Sometimes I think about telling you everything
you are the only person who’s ever made me feel like I can, but I still can’t.
It’s all too tangled.
I want to know how it feels to sit beside you and want nothing
except to be held like I mean something
held like maybe I mean as much to you as you do to me.
Yet I stay quiet, again, like I always do,
because if I spill it…
won’t it drown you too?  


I miss our hugs, where in that moment our souls blurred together.
I miss our cuddles on the couch, where everything felt right, felt safe.
I miss how being near you made the hurting stop, even just for a little while.
But now it’s been so long.
All I have left is the ghost of your warmth,
And now, your touch feels too heavy,
like something I’m not sure I can carry,
cold in a way that makes everything feel distant.
like your warmth has faded into something unfamiliar.
It’s not that I don’t want you


I do.
But this isn’t you.

Remember you
I was Simon, an architect trying to find precious artifacts.
I found the crown,
The cause of all my frost,
The thing I thought would save me,
But it changed me.

Just as I was giving up hope, I found you,
The most precious artifact of them all.
My Marceline.
A little vampire girl,
Lost in her own ways,
In a world too unforgiving to let you in.

You were the only thing that made the days bearable.
I held onto you when everything else fell apart.
You were the reason I kept going.

But now I’m the Ice King, lost and scarred.
I try not to lose myself because I need to save you.
But who’s going to save me?

I found you in the wreckage of a war,
Just a scared little girl, lost and alone.
I was just a guy,
Scared and searching for my home.

Remember you.
We faked our laughter to ward off the fear.
Just the two of us, plus dear old Hambo who was always there,
Always together, a patchwork family of
Not one,
Not two,
But three.
Inseparable and together, side by side,
With broken smiles and hearts we tried to hide.

Like two pieces of a puzzle, we fought together
To stay alive.
But before I knew it, I had to leave.
You were gone from my life.

I see you as my daughter,
My sweet girl who saved me
More than I ever saved her.

The father you should’ve had, I couldn’t find.
We lived this ruin of a world together,
Until I could no longer ward off the evil that came with the cold.
Now the ice has frozen everything,
And I forget the man I was, the love I once brought.

Remember you.
Even through all the things I’ve forgotten,
For every moment that fades away,
Know that until I come back again,
My life will always be cold and sad.
I just wish it wasn’t like this.

I miss you, my Marcy girl.
Please forgive me
For whatever I do
When I don’t remember you.