Untethered,
that’s the best way to describe it.
That feeling of floating,
and sinking too.
The world seeming unreal,
like the colors are wrong.
Simulated reality,
where the nights are too long.
Going through the motions,
and not caring at all.
An outsider,
who’s on the outside, of outside.
Catching yourself,
staring off into space,
wondering if someone noticed,
realizing no one’s there to see.
Those days,
you forget to remember,
are somehow worse,
than the days you remember to forget.
That horrifying realization,
when even your brain doesn’t care.
When it simply says “whatever”,
like you’re giving up on you.
These days don’t last,
they never do,
but they are terrifying,
when it’s only you.
You don’t want anyone to worry,
don’t want them to see,
the pain, the fear, the nothing,
that you sometimes become.
If someone could just take that rope,
and tie it down tight.
Bring the colors back,
and chase away the night.
Someone to ask,
if you’re really ok.
Someone you could trust,
to say “no, not today”.
Someone you could look at,
and simply let go and break.
Someone who wanted to give,
instead of just take.
Someone who knew,
and wouldn’t tell you to stand,
but would simply lay with you,
and tether you back to land.
So, “no, not today”,
but maybe tomorrow.
Today I am floating,
and there’s only the sorrow.