Alone in the corner
Suicidal thoughts
Am I over thinking
Or can I just be lost

Darkness is a nasty
Comfort that confides
The Voices make me happy
Even though they’re lies

I’m running from demons in my mind
I think Im loosing all my time
To save myself from suicide

I’m running from demons in my mind
I think I’m loosing all my time
To save myself from suicide

I can’t help that
I feel this way
I’m being attacked
I’m mentally gray  

No one can save me
I’m too far gone
I’ll fly like a bumble bee
My story has been drawn

I’m running from demons in my mind
I think Im loosing all my time
To save myself from suicide

I’m running from demons in my mind
I think I’m loosing all my time
To save myself from suicide

I’m a bumble bee
I can fly in the wind
I’m a bumble bee
Suicide wins

She was so lucky.
Friends.
Several of them.
All of them kind and real and amazing.
School.
So kind and real and amazing.
Nobody scans her as she walks the halls.
Nobody judges her every choice.

Nobody notices when she chooses to eat information instead of food.
Nobody realizes she notices the little glances just barely within her sight
     Or the muffled snickers
     Or the sly comments.

Nobody knows how absolutely aware she is.
Nobody hears her trembling breaths in the bathroom
silenced by the palm of her hand.
Nobody could ever know how hard it is to ignore all of it;
                                              how hard it is to not hate yourself;
                                              how hard it is to hide everything
carefully packaged under the confines of her undershirt.

Nobody can tell that inside those bulging rolls is simply a girl with social anxiety and insecurities beyond mental health.
Nobody sees her bury her feelings in her sparse salads and amaranthine assignments.
Nobody sees her.

On the Outside my smile seems to brighten up the room,
However , on the inside I hide a frown so deep.
On the outside I may seem tough and strong,
however, on the inside I’m sad and weak.
On the Outside nobody, not a single person knows what I’m going through,
However, on the inside I hide my personality.
On the outside I’m the girl with the laughter and a kind heart,
however, on the inside I’m battling my insecurities and envy.
On the Outside I’m the one crying desperately over a movie or injustice;
however, on the inside I’m shedding tears of sadness.
On the Outside I’m giving everyone love and hugs,
however, on the inside I’m the one desperate to be loved, to feel loved.
On the Outside I may not look broken,
However, on the inside  it’s hard for me to control this.
On the Outside I’m full of life, goals and aspirations
However, on the inside sadness, anger, & unbearable pain make it undesirable to live.
Through all that you see …On the Outside you see the disguise I have mastered,
however, on the inside lies all that I’m fighting.
And I am fighting …


Written by Layal Charara
Nights Spark
27/09/2017
11:49am