braided blondes and rumored lesbians
i hit piano keys to avoid the talk of sexuality
spiked tea and Christmas lights bordering a site of mold
i lose my mind in some boy's teeth
wet grass and a waning moon in March
i close my eyes and i'm back in
the boiler room with a tambourine
i lost my mind in some boy's laugh
in a bed near nuns on the wall and drinks too tall
and i keep on drinking to destroy
that difference between Man and Other
hoping my numb will make me
a suitable choice for the boys who
would rather read books than hold my hand
Eternal Middle Eastern Sand spells Genesis in braille
and it weighs me down
filling my pockets with the choice
between desire and progress

I wonder if my girls stopped
looking at boys like Gods
would we finally get somewhere
or would we just be lost

I melt into languages
to range across accents,
characters suspect me, but
plotlines direct me,
a hero
a villain
doing things that
we do
I'm willing to do
things are
you?

You hear of true love
In movies and books
But not based on
Popularity or looks.

I've searched every corner
Deep in my mind.
But this one little thing
I just could not find.

For it was not in my head
But deep in my heart.
Looking for this
Completely tore me apart.

Then one day I found it
This thing we call love.
It's something wonderful
Sent from above.

We stared at each other
As our faces turned red
Yet nothing was spoken
Nothing was said.

No words were needed
Because our hearts said it all.
We'd be together forever
For in love we did fall.

I slit my wrist to erase the pain,
you look at me, and think I'm insane,
my eyes turn red, bleeding my tears,
and still you try to protect me from my worst fears.
Look at my scars then you will see,
why I can't seem to go around and fake happy,
yet you tell me you love me, that you'll forget,
for I'll soon be gone, and I'll be your greatest regret.
So let me die, broken and scarred,
I can't deal with life, it's getting far to hard,
everything's gone wrong, it's not worth trying,
so leave me alone because I feel like I'm dying,
I don't want you to worry,
because my life is ending in a hurry,
I'll be fine, and happy you see,
for death is what I wished for and soon it will be.

Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

I stare up at the clouds and wonder what you would see
           if you were still looking up with me
I imagine you're looking down now, down at earth, at me
I wonder what your laugh would sound like, grown up
My heart is trying so hard not to break every time I think
           of your sweet smile and the rest of my body shakes
The tears don't come any more, not that I was ever one to cry

When night falls
            and I see the stars, I look at my wrist and recall how
            I had to compose my self enough to tell the artist how
            to spell your name
When night falls
            the moon is still enough to light up my arm so that
            I can trace the script with my fingertips
When night falls
            I can't do anything but quietly whisper *"I'm sorry."

            **I don't know why I'm the miracle and you're the memory

Eventhough you know
every polaroid
picturesque infinity,
and every broken strand of
every melancholic
outpouring memory,
buried deep beaneath
the debris of the moon
and sprinkled with star dust
within my soul.
You can’t seem to understand
the basicity of my humanity.
And how much
you
quietly mean to me.

I.
My hands are shaky with a scalpel.
Someday I may cut out my own ovaries at the cost of blood.

II.
You aren't meant to worry about me.
I'm one of the boys you look will at later, and say "What a tragedy."

III.
Don't worry now, I'm not a **** statistic yet.
Don't protect me, I'm not a court case yet.

IV.
I'm still fighting ain't I, right?
I'm not here for helping.