I am cursed with the affliction of kindness.
And I will haunt this earth until I have seen the end of all things beautiful.
I prepare my epitaph, so that I may visit my own grave—
and mourn every piece of myself that I changed.

No matter what I do, it is not enough.
I was not enough.
I don't think I ever could be enough—
not for any of you.
But I still tried, didn't I?
I still try.

Perhaps this is all I was meant for—
to love until I disappear.

How cruel, to exist in a body that is hated.
Not smart enough, not pretty enough.
But forever kind enough.

You loved every inch -
My scars, marks, and bruises.
I carried a part of you, for a time...
And you held me as I bled out on the bed.
You told me I was beautiful.
You cradled my face, and kissed me when I cried.
Your hands made me feel I was worthy.
When you knelt before me, I was.

I have your voicemails on repeat,
To hear you say “I love you” again.
You said that you loved me, and I believed you.
You tell me you’re excited to see me.
You tell me how much you miss me,
How you’re leaving Thursday night free for a date.

Did you know then, that you’d leave me behind?

Because your voice still sounds like it’s mine.

Sometimes her skeleton doesn’t sit right
Before the sunrise and since midnight
The room filled with haze, her chest is too tight
And with every yawn, eyes open in spite

I’ll take this panic attack
And drive her car right off the road
Off the bridge, that sinking feeling
About to sleep and not explode

I burn my hands washing dishes at home.
Alone, it is lukewarm, cold at best --
So I will eat cake until I am sick.

Stagnant water sits still in a silent spring
How suffocating