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You reap what you sow they’ll say
When you’re distraught and things don’t go your way
Or perhaps bring Karma into the mix
If relationships break and aren’t able to fix
‘It was destined by fate’ you’ll hear
Said contritely from lips insincere
Words of console you’ll get face to face
But shallow words that are empty they’ll waste

Those not involved will end up picking sides
Covertly at first making efforts to hide
Initially from the break you'll feel empty
Blood stained lips cracked and chapped from the sea
Ocean's buffet but refusing to eat
Never again will you find such a treat
Became familiar with every single cliché
As if uttering words will tell me which path to take
How life transpires giving to us what’s due
Fortune tellers are shams with no clue
Soothsayers and any alike
Gain your trust; In your back get a knife


Wasted life ever searching by you
At the same time no search needed too
On a star wishing for her to stay
Unfulfilled, now that she's gone away
Sad tale of loss like needlepoint you’d weave
Sole candle’s flame defiant to bereave
A horse with blinders you ran through life’s race
By yourself so no matter what place
You take could be anywhere between first and last
Entire race ran while peering into the past
Running backwards and pointing *** first
Deftly explains the low value and self-worth
Donkey or court jester is all you are
Spelling out why in life you didn’t get far

Your perception of what’s ‘getting ahead’
Results in you falling behind instead
Not realizing the self-destruction within
Playing a game not possible to win
A headless chicken running every which way
‘Such a disappointment’ is what they will say
All this talent and capability
But the war inside they don’t see
All that is gained inevitably will be lost
Gifts and gestures have attached hidden costs
A Civil War but not North versus South
It’s you against you in this bout


So how did you ever possibly
Think love’s capability is something you’d see
In another when not found in yourself
Common sense locked away on the shelf
When self-value is equal to zero
Your fairy tale is a story without hero
Disgraceful loser and failure is what you believe
Through this lens is how you view and perceive
So if you’re someone you hate and despise
Regardless of partner or how hard you try
If you feel that you don’t deserve love
Then down your throat it could be constantly shoved
But never will you successfully share
Intimacy with another or be able to care
For another with sustained success
when you view yourself as one who’s worthless

So, I know it’s cliché but it’s true
The first step is you must learn to love you
Happiness is something found from within
When you’re okay with yourself you will win
And the grand prize at the end of it all
Is a life where you don’t feel so small
Like a spec of dust who no one would care
If you ended it all; no one’s feelings you spared
Instead filled with satisfaction and peace
A balanced space inside yourself you don’t lease
but forever forward you own
The infinite nomad no more wandering; now with home

Because no matter what’s rattling inside your head
Self-loathing thoughts or remarks that were said
I grab your face and locking eyes engage a stare
Begin to scream at top of lungs so all can hear

YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND SPECIAL EVERY WHICH WAY!
LOVE POURS IN AND OUT OF YOUR HEART EVERY DAY!
DON’T EVER DOUBT HOW AMAZING YOU CAN BE!
YOU HAVE PURPOSE AND YOU MATTER; SET YOURSELF FREE!
Written: February 6, 2018

All rights reserved
 Feb 2018 Ivan Brooks Sr
Her
My name is Erin
and i was *****
at the age of 7

it has taken me
14 years of my life
for those 13 words to escape
my hollow mouth

the only questions i come to now
is why
why lock me in that room
why take everything from me
my innocence
my purity
my childhood

in that room
where my family trusted you
where i trusted you
the night terrors i have to this day
still haunt my mind

like a never ending
drive in movie that plays
over
and
over
only the moon in the night sky
isnt made to be found here
there is no light in these terrors

i cant sleep this time of year
because every time i do
its you
in that room
locking the door
shutting the windows
******* me
yelling at me
every single night
i close my eyes

it has taken me 14 years
to accept the fact that i was taken by you
i have been numb ever since
left in the dust
rotting away at the core
thinking i was nothing
thinking i deserved nothing
because you took everything

but not anymore
i will recover from this
i am strong enough
i believe in myself
i believe in my own happiness
and i promsie
that when i have children one day
i will never ever let them rot at the core
i will find happiness
the darkness will not take over this time
Wrap your arms around my golden glow
Beg for mercy in your solemn vow
On your knees I'll take you now
Never think I can't
What is it like?
To fit in with everyone around you
To not feel so small
To not be too soft spoken

What is it like?
To have countless numbers of friends
To constantly have plans
To never feel alone?

What is it like?
To get close to people
To smile so genuinely
To laugh so full heartedly

What is it like?
To not be me
The butchers guard-dog , out of compelling curiosity , has tasted the meat that it defends ...
Copyright February 19 , 2018 by Randolph L Wilson * All Rights Reserved
I look around and all I see
is stupid people all around me

what happened to common sense?
When I was growing up we didn't need warning labels on everything we weren't that stupid

what happened to work ethics?
When I was a kid we had to work hard if we wanted something now people expect handouts

what happened to being kind to your neighbors?
Growing up everyone in our neighborhood were every race and we were "family"

what happened to respect for your elders?
I was always taught to be kind and respectful of my elders and help them out whenever possible

What happened to morals?
My parents instilled honesty, respect , don't steal, don't cheat, don't help someone else cheat, and treat others the way you want to be treated, in me at a young age I couldn't break them if I wanted to because they are hardwired into my brain.

What happened to telling the truth?
All I ever hear anymore is lies

What happened to society?
We used to play outside, shovel snow for our neighborhood, we didn't use technology, we went on actual dates , holding hands and talking was the best way to show you cared , now people have online relationships never meeting eachother and sending ***** pictures. People text when sitting next to eachother. No-one actually talk to eachother. People now are so stupid that they need warning labels on everything, no-one has god in their hearts.

I was taught that there is good in everyone but when I look around all I see is morons that only care about themselves and will lie cheat and use anyone to get what they want.
Sorry started off as a poem but turned into a rant
Pain clawing at my brain trying to make me insane I try to refrain the constant mind drain and try to contain the animal within trying to break free and destroy me all my anguish is in vein but I try to remain selfless not to be confused with helpless
Constantly tired emotionally drained while my pain is clawing at my brain
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