My ego tried to impress me
But the fact is, I’m losing ground
When I wrestled with my Demons
God is nowhere to be found

My RNA is failing
In a  blemished tarnished blur
My eyes are getting tired and
I’m searching for my words

My dreams are but exhausted
I’ve lived and lied and loved
I took the devil by his horns
I never did give up!

What sound did I make
What word did I leave out
If I’ve said my all
Where is my curtain call

Now
My dressing room is bear
The end was somewhere in there.

As my voice disappeares
You intend to hurt
Your words are rocks
My heart an easy target
You bleed the freak
I have so many bull's-eyes
You know them all
I trusted you with secrets
My shame my guilt

Seven years yet I know little about you
Well played.

Now my heart grows hard and cold
Who will I become?

Shall I be happy because you smile
Or sad because you frown
All the anger that you harbor
Shall I let it bring me down

Governed by the rules of existence
We are one yet divided
Stuck with each other in this realm
Such is coincidentally pre-decided

Seems that we are bound to this dimension
And death is but a lie
Fabricated to motivate us
Causing us to arrive

Perhaps we’re recycled spirits
Living lives without end
Or merely momentary life forms
Being judged by our sins

Yet we are all here together
In this universe quite naïve
Yet hate is not genetic
And true love does not deceive...

I find my beliefs
Are mostly inline
With the far LEFT
But you know
Every once in a while
I agree with the RIGHT
In fact fear dictates
I wish I had a hand gun tonight

Must I represent
The evil in this world
My empathy engulfs
Every soul that toils
To be accepted
With due respect
I would give my love
And my life

Sure I am of the pigment white
My ancestors aimlessly struggled
But couldn't put things right
Because they lacked
Humanitarianism
Something in their bible
“No offence” talk about schism
A map that embraced human slavory-ism
And so...
I consider thinking left
As an evolutionary state
A way to clean the slate!

You...
You forget, a complete lapse of short-term memory
You laugh then are overcome with anger in your drunken amnesia
It's as if you're in a state of drunken bipolar idiocy
Why are you threatening me, hmm...
Now me...
Why do I feel violent
Why am I punching you in the back of your head
What part of my human nature is causing this behavior
Even in my sober mind I'm still intoxicated
In subconscious constraints of lost innocence

The brighter the light
The darker the shadow
Upon my rusty cage
A vindictive past rattles

Come out, come out
And sell us your soul
The one we condemned
All those years ago

Did you think it was over
Did you think we were through
Did you think you could escape
The inhumane zoo...

In the dark caves of mind
Where light is uninformed
The place where xenophobia
By superstitions born

With a quickness of heart
An opinion is formed
A judgment is rendered
A sentence is sworn

An observation can be fleeting
   With a lack of evidence...
Still
The condemnation imprints deeply
    In complete irrelevance...

Unfortunately
In the dark caves of mind
An open heart can be quite hard
   To find...

Swirling winds of endless time
Slowly erode the weary mind
A mind programmed to forget
When a hundred harvest moons have set
When barn and wagon have termites eaten
Beyond repair to bear repeating
The sun shall turn, the earth shall set
When shadows of doubt become regret


Out here beyond few seasons
I bear the stains of logical reason
With eyes full of brilliant light
So as the devil out of mind and sight
Entities unseen, invisible beings
And the non-existing
Surely share a similar theme
....

(Hang in there, I'm just having fun)


Spirit of Vulgarity, have you chosen me
Colors fill my rainbow that only freaks can see
A spectrum of obscenities indecently displayed
I hold to my dysfunction and take it to my grave

Searching for such comforts I've never known before
Like taking pleasure in my own skanky ***** *****
Just to get even with the balance of my misgiving
I fear not the judgment in this death defiant inning

Let love flow through my veins but lust feed my needs
And you my love could come and share in my ***** little deeds
In a hell made for two we’ll burn forevermore
That’s if you’ll be my skanky ***** *****...(:

We shared coffee on the porch
As we awoke to our timeless summer romance
A world free of commitments
Coupled with unforeseen circumstance

Music filled those long summer days
Magic ruled those starlit nights
Our hearts beat to the rhythm of love
Lost in pure intimate delight

I remember how it felt
Holding you naked in my arms
You were only seventeen
And life could do us no harm

We tripped and fell yet never landed
In our wonderland of dreams
You cried for more and behind the door
You were my gypsy acid queen

A hundred years it seems has passed
But in my mind you’ll always be
Once upon a time
In my wildest dreams...

When your demon
Tried to shout
Your angel
Held it in
I could hear
Your whisper
Like a scream
Upon the wind
And so
Shall we make
This intellectual pact
May we never **** each other
With the words
Of matter fact
May we never
Hang a dagger
In fellow human's back
Surely for one of us
   The cards are holy stacked...

I fell in love within a dream
It’s the damnedest thing!
A lady I’ve never ever even seen
Somehow I knew we were meant to be
And somehow I’m sure
She’s somewhere out there, looking for me

Of course infatuation plays the biggest part in this
I wouldn’t believe that she exists but my heart insists
She’s so deliciously wild yet elegantly tame
Her beautiful eyes drive me madly insane

All these emotions emerge from this lucid dream
Yet I can hardly describe what this most lovely lady really means
In my heart she’s hope in a world grown cold
In my passion she flames igniting my soul
In my mind’s eye she’s perfect, pure, and free
She’s obviously the fulfillment of all that I need
....

The ghost warriors fought on over the centuries
Never even knowing they were dead
Valhalla, paradise of violent souls
The ancient thunder god feeds upon their eternal rage
Forevermore

I can’t conceive of a world
Where violence is a product of love
Where deception is the hand of reception
Underneath the velvet glove
We watch and learn
Until our eyes grow tired
Lines form upon our faces
And it’s down to the wire
Yesterdays are forgotten
As life shrivels up and dies
And we search for a meaning
That’s covered up in lies
What kind of love
Comes by commanding
Where is wisdom
In such an understanding

I took a little trip
To the ward
The other day
Down through
The crazy maze
The cheese trying
To persuade
So I simply explained
I am just a Poet
A little out of faze
They prescribed
Me Prozac
And sent me on my way!

Other people's hell's are worst then mine,
I just get lost here and there, in and out of time.

In Particles of Mind
And Waves of Consciousness
The tissues of Thoughts are forged

By increasing matter and fact
We secrete the thoughts that lack
Our issues are always at war

No matter particle or wave
These dimensions contain
Emotion will always resist

Life is aware of every breath of air
And the magic of reality is this
...
Our energy will always exist
...

It blows me away
The coming of
Each and every day

Weather cold or paradise
I believe the souls
Holds light

I focus less on said afters
While in my heart
Echoes laughter

The warmth in eyes
Precious in the night
I so treasure living
I worship life...

Fear not to embrace
all these losses,
the disconnection is but an illusion.
Love is the Highway we travel,
we all move on in the end.
Love is eternal my friends!!

Cutting through the thickets
Where no path was ever laid
I struggle to fine my footing
The sky has now turn grey

Jagged rocks guide my steps
Through thistles and thorny ******
A familiar force within me dives
Struggling to stay alive

I wrestle with the landscape
Until I reach the clearing
There the maple spread its branches
Falling leaves to soften the ground
And so I sleep another
Thousand years...

11-28-04


I watched you kick, you moaned and you sweat
I gave you all the pills I could get
I let you complain, ***** and than whine
I let you steal my only dime

I let you kick out on my couch
You deceived, you lied and made me vouch
Watching you kick was not a pretty sight
All your demons, all trying to bite

I helped you kick until you finally got right
So why are back at the dope house tonight?

One girl wanted me
But I wanted the other
So I chased the other all night
Just to make her my lover

One girl smiled
The other turned away
One girl left
But the other girl stayed

One girl looked
As good as the others
But the other girl had dated
One of my brothers

One girl helped
Chase away my blues
The other girl tried
To run me through

One girl whispered
In my ear
The other girl said
What I wanted to hear

One girl I could proudly
Take home to  mother
But Mother wasn't happy
when I brought home the other

One girl treated me as kind as can be
The other girl always cheated on me

Life would have been so easy
With just that one
But now the other girl is the mother
Of my daughter and sons...

**** it all!

I shed a tear
When Judas died
It buried my heart in grief
I had fallen in love
With an ancient lie
And drowned in beliefs

Inconsistencies
Yet devoted
I followed your deity
With selfish motives

In times of trouble
I pledged my soul
Oh how it made
So much sense
So many years ago

The distortion fades
As I bleed the light away
What is this strangeness
That my heart just can't convey

So many galaxies
I wonder where is home
So many life times
Still I feel alone...

Did I tell you my truth
Did I tell you my lie
Does it matter to you
If I keep it inside

We all get to know
These things in the end
Does it matter to you
If I only pretend

I read what you said
About writing the truth
And how
Creativity is measured
Under your roof

But here in the real world
There's no reason or rhyme
Why must you be
Yourself every time?

Sure
It all sounds good
The rules that you make
Stuck in your boxes
Lost in your faiths...

I must apologies
I have a tendency to project
It happens when I read
  A poem of abuse or neglect...
Bad things happen
Good people go bad
That was my reality
  The only one I had...
So hold on tight
To your poetry
and to your soul
You're similar
  To the way I was
Years ago...

I'm just projecting an old role!
........................................

It’s me
But it’s not me
The witness behind
It’s always watching
I pretend to hide

This is my life
So why would it care
What ever I think
It is aware

And when I give in
Nirvana take over
The laws of nature
Intoxicatingly sober!

(Today in world news)

All those people in the streets
coming together as one!
There must be a million of them expressing their rights and doing their duty as citizens.
America will always be separated. That’s the way they keep that from happening here.

This too shall pass
Unfortunately
It shall leave a mark...

As the day draws on
She strikes a fire
Pink and red candles
Project her desires
Flickering flames
Smoke in our lungs
Her dresser's an alter
Unto the Sun
Passion her offering
She straddles my lap
No need for instructions
Ancient writing, nor map
No day can be darkened
In the temples of her soul
Witches of the northern land
The place I call home...

In an effort
To be rewritten
Or rather
Be rid of
A lack of remittance
And a reputation there of

I leap into the darkness
Of a complicated mind
One must ride the lightning
To justify the lines

Though these insinuations
Seem intended to intrigue
Never mistake a Traveler
  For some old hippy freak...

An assortment of experiences
Empirically gather
I’ve sampled the sacred nectar
I’ve climbed Jacob’s ladder
I’ve found to stay clear
Of both worry and fear
Is the key to longevity
In this life we hold dear
Yet the eyes of this world
Are more near than farsighted
And the strangers next door
Are rarely invited
Close-mindedness and fear
Are cultural building blocks
Compassion is an open gate
Indifference keeps it locked
Only love can mend
A world so far apart
The path we are missing
Lies within our hearts...

The world ran me down
Then ran me over
How can I mend
I just can’t think sober…

It felt like May
A cool spring day
I tried to stay
It dragged me away…

Great is the loss
Endless the cost
Clear as the sky
Lost alibi...

The witness just stares
There’s blood in the air
To the victim despair
Nobody cares…

Now love makes her sad
And she don’t trust her dad
The world ran her over
She may never be sober…

Beyond these pages
I'm still alive
Raring to live
    Before I die...
At least another
Hundred
Thousand miles
Wheels swiftly spinning
A Traveler wearing a smile
Perhaps we'll meet
Along the way
Have you ever been
To outer space?
We could watch
The moon go by
From a dark
Starlit sky
.....

Reflecting on
The beauty of life
Love and passions
Is a poet's delight

Reflecting on
It's ugliness
With angry
Blogs and blurbs
We find
Ourselves
In servitude
To a paradox
Preserve

Reflecting
On the darkness
That bleeds
Our souls
To black
We expose
The depths
Inside of us
Of the love
We tend to lack

There is no boundary
No lines have been drawn
Poetry stretches
To the lyrics of songs
Creative metaphors
The breaking of dawns
The hues of colors
After the rainbow is gone

Reflecting on the beauty of life
The gift of poetry
Will always unite...

I touched her sadness, I felt to cry
A mere spark of empathy remains
If only tears would fill these dim eyes
Yet short is my emotional pain

I dreamt a dream that broke my heart
And cried like the pouring rain
But when I awoke my pillow was dry
In darkness my sorrow remains...

Who dare goes there
Mere human
Who dare dream
The dreams
Of the races
That came before
All loose life forms
Free to explore
Every mind
An open door
Every spark of light
Cries out for more
Who dare explore
Beyond the human core?

I experience fear
it's quite motivating!
(I don't externalize it!)
my biggest fear
is the act of hating...

I let the water wash me over
I clinch my stones
and remain quite sober

There's no shame
in being afraid
fear is the reward
of love and pain

And so I've grown
kinder and braver
since giving up on
my only savior

One eye open
shall eventually sleep
fear it but a state
our tired mind's keep

So remember...
your not alone
I have fear by the heaps!

Dear Home
I have arrived at my destiny
The water here is blue
Yet the skies reflect
A deeper depth of truth
Fields, forest and hills of green
Imagine a reality
With sentient beings
And after a summer rain
The ions are charged
In the sentience brain
Life, how precious is this thing

Oh but  here
Suffering remains
And I long for the love
On the ethereal plains  
In the material-less existence
I held with you
I send you this message
From the human zoo...

Beauty is hiding the ugliest blemish
Embedded lies in the mind of the squeamish
A feeling such as love cannot be contained
So why insist hatred is preordained

Drawn into gray the eyes do deceive
I capture a leprechaun and stole his disease
And now I hoard over this *** of gold
Refusing to pay the amount that I owe

Take not the day that I long await
Touch not my blue skies, my forest, my lakes
Yet help thyself to the opinion of those
Who embark on life’s journey by selling their souls

I await patiently for you
On this path of forgotten dreams
Surrounded by lost souls
And angels without wings

It pains me as your eyes turn back
All beliefs are anything but matter of fact
And if I fly away to that celestial shore
For you I'll wait forevermore...

I find myself staring into space
contemplating assumption of the unknown
A whisper within and my awareness extends
another aspect of my identity has shown

The unknown is not a lie it is simply unknown
Like the truth behind the eyes of a lover
Exclusively yours to cherish or deplore
-That is-
When ultimately the conclusions are discovered

Yet I can't help but believe that science deceives
And emptiness and nothing are lies
The only measurement of success is lost to death
For we are compelled by existence to strive

The ladder of evolution distorts our sights
From limited to limitless we climb by night
A simpleton above, a genius below
We are only limited by what we think we know

The mind may lie but the spirit knows
In dreams I've seen my lives of old
Imprinted attributes of all that I am
Angels, demons, lions and lambs

- In conclusion-
Beyond truth no question remains
Living and dying are one and the same...

Careful

You are about to read
Very dangerous words

Push continue
At your own risk

Evil people live among us
Wickedness is everywhere
Death is inevitable
Life isn't always fair

But the real danger
Is the breach of trust
Buy a friend or by
Someone you love

So you best beware
Of the danger of trust
When the chains that bind us
Start to rust

When the mask of safety
Shatters into lies
Oh how dangerously
We trusted the people
In our lives
...

In a world where trust
Is all but lost
In resentful wasted years
I count the cost

Where do dreams go
When I wake up broken and alone
I find no comfort in a smiling face
Or the rat infested allies
Of the human race

A kind word has no substance
For my sour belly
The sounds of the city streets
Are a constant nag
A cold, cold wind
Seeps through
My reclusive life of rags

Yet I have no *******
No riches to wed
Just the essential
Bags of resentments
Where I lay my head
And dream of things
I should have done or said

Too many years
And too much wine
Too many issues
To unwind
Cardboard shelters
With magazine mats
Is where I lay
My quitter's hat...

To the reader this may sound
A bit absurd
But when it comes to her
I hold my every word
I stuff them way down
You see
It's the only way I've found
To self preserve...

And although I don't
Write about her
I could never tell a lie
It's not because
Her memory
Has somehow passed me by

It's not because
I don't dream of her
Tossing in the night
Oh no...
Trying to express her
Could never put things right.




.....................

In this
Realization faze
Of this
Delicate end of madness
Momentarily
I unclench my fist
Looking down
At the nail marks in my palms
My hand transforms
Into
Giant black beetle bugs
So many bugs
All falling
To the floor
Then my arm
And then my shoulder
More and more
Squirmy bugs
Creepy crawlers
All the bugs
That make up our core
   Billions of bugs
That want to start wars
     Lots of Bugs...

Make yourself
A social engagement
With some wise and brilliant minds
Discover the think tank mentality
It's the intellectual wine

Intellectuality can only grow
In wide and open spaces
Questioning your own beliefs
Could give your heart a face-lift

Order out of chaos
The scale that never ends
Find the tonic of the key
Sustain then bend
Skill comes from discipline
Run the scale again

Sure there's a difference between us and them
Yet everyone needs acceptance in the end
And there’s no reason to point and shout
We all have plenty of time to prove ourselves
Let’s not label them as ****** up and lost
With our imperialistic history
Where do we get off?

The whole world looks like a Christmas card
With glistening snow and shimmering stars
From jingle bells to silent nights
To all the sleepy-eyed little tykes
Hopes and dreams reach euphoric highs
As the excitement of our spirits fly
Peace descends upon this world we know
Warmth and love every good parent shows
Mercy and forgiveness fills our Christmas hearts
Families come together who’ve long been far apart
And when given the selfless choice
    May the heart of black sheep rejoice…

The silence of words
Play possum upon the screen
An overwhelming urge
To condemn the extreme
Extended form of humanity
The shadow words speak
From worlds far and wide
Strangers from across your seas

A traveler is humbled by distant faces
That smile shining from a child's eyes
Breaches the rusted gates of ignorance
In a longing that all arrives...

Dear mother father
Please don't fall down
Don't fumble the ball
Don't break your crown

Dear mother father
Please stand up tall
What will I become
If stability stalls

Why are you crying
And holding your head
Please mother father
Get out of bed
Stay in your lane
Pass that **** joint
Dear mother father
What was the point?