I have been
stuck
on this rubberband for days

I keep pulling
extending
and stretching it
back

I quickly release it
until I hear it
snap

It hit me quite hard
up against my wrist

The minutes and seconds
are raking again
The strands of my hair
on the ground

I feel
lonely

Or even worse

Trivial

Like a shallow river
in the street
After several days of rainfall
I'm an overbanking creek

I flood the town

As if I were the ocean but
there was never
any depth
There was never
any substance
to this interest

Because I
Never felt important



And so I lie flat
on my bed
Until I let
loneliness

Do open heart surgery
It makes a mess of me

And then it stitches me up

Necessity has the teeth of a dog

But I let it burn through
And in my own dissonance
I mother significance

Swarming out of my chest
Until the rubberband breaks

i tell myself im feeling better.
no social media
no outside distractions
just me and my mind.

ive made quite a few changes in these seemingly eternal summer months
ive changed my diet
changed my thinking
my sleep schedule
my hobbies and interests
even my wardrobe.

ive made all these changes
ive gotten out of my head (for the most part)
so if ive made all these changes and if im doing all of these new and better things
why do i still feel so low ?

i feel low not as in sad
no sad is too simple, too cliche, too blase
i feel low as in my heart will start to clench and struggle to beat
my breathing gets shallow
my thoughts are dulled and become sullen and narrow
like im on the verge of a never arriving panic attack

so tell me if im filled with no responsibilities no standards to hold myself to
filled with a sense of freedom and "peace" as many would say
how come if you asked me to today
i still couldnt put my so called peace on a scale of 1 to 10 ?

I left all my lovers
and my lovers left me

only love
remains.

Difficult is the first meeting
When nothing to say
And the last
When everything is said

There's a ghost in the machine
A distant heartbeat
An echo
A recollection of tides pulled by the rhythm
Of the moon
A lunar cycle
Of leaves swirled
And now settled
By the whisper
Of the breeze
A message repeated
But not audibly heard
Remembered and understood.
You are in the right place
Where you need to be
All you need now
Is to breathe and be.

I shall return soon sorry I am going through a couple things

you are wrigley's spearmint
and a little bit of sweat
you are white and grey
black and blue
you are a big slice of pizza
(the butter is mine)
you are envelopes
and hershey's
long fingers
small nose
birthmarks
and flaws
you are violence and forgiveness
pain and discomfort
warmth and silence
hurt
you are hurt

you are a memory
a moment
an association unlimited by time
perhaps this world will always be littered
with reminders of when you were mine