I did not bring you into the world,
But I was happy that you came,
I took you home one afternoon,
Took pictures…..and gave you a name,
And you where my baby,
Dayenu……that was enough,
And like all things God gives you,
Someday…You must give up,
How blessed I was to have you,
To love and watch to you grow,
I did not bring you into the world,
But, I was there to watch you go.
© B L Costello 2016

All memories are filled with pain
Making cloudy eyes dark with rain
The happy times are missed dearly
Sadness remembered oh so clearly...

Hanging six feet off the ground
Hanging but without a sound
This is more than just a rope
It's my time machine of hope

Please forgive me, for my hands won’t stop shaking.
You and I:
Parallel lines holding on to the notion that maybe one day
We’ll intersect, in more ways than one.
My breath catches at the thought of your fingertips
Slipping and sloping down my spine.
I can’t fall asleep anymore without you on my mind,
Conjuring images of your
Phantom arms wrapped around my waist
And the autumn breeze of an open window washing over me.
They say that this cannot be love,
But god, I’m not so sure.

Your mother doesn’t know that I exist.
I thank her every morning for you,
Over my lukewarm cup of cheap coffee.
She is the only person who will ever love you more than I.
You look at me like I am made of flowers
Whose petals have colours you’ve never been able to comprehend.
I hope they make a little more sense now.

The first wrinkles on my face will be crow’s feet,
Like my mother’s,
Like my grandmother’s.
We’ve all fallen a little too hard
And smiled a little too much.
I’ll cherish them just the same.

They never taught us how to write poems without the fuel of heartache.
I’ll never learn, anyhow.

Close your eyes
and picture this..
you and me
and our first kiss
Open your lids
so you can see
how your lips
feel to me
So soft and gentle
and spicy too
Can I have
a taste of you?
Just a nibble,
maybe a bite
Come here,
let me hold you tight
Close your eyes
and picture this
you and me
and our first kiss

From our first kiss
To our last
You were mine
And I was yours,
We shead tears
Of pain and joy
From our first kiss
To our last
I loved you
.... I love you

Who am I?
What does it mean to be me?
Shackled in this cage of a body,
I’m trying so hard to break free.

Cross my heart and I hope to die,
I say a prayer as I look to the sky.
It's time again and I don’t wanna get high,
but my will, it flickers and falters,
I just wanna escape, find sleep for a little while.

In a self-pity of distress,
I’ve created another mess;
trashing my mind, sometimes I couldn't care less.
I can feel the vultures tearing at my heart;
well, can’t ask them to leave now,
it was me who gave them their start.

****** to the bone.
Rapid with rage like a dog on a leash.
Forget the existence of time
and the nature of reality.

Time to get off of this train,
these thoughts spill out,
press play and hit the brain drain.

I’m not sorry,
it’s not about apologising.
One day at a time.
Is that only a cliche?
Is change only transitory?
Let’s find out.

It’s so cold out there.
As I walk the streets I can feel the
Disconnection.
I take a **** and a sip of the drink
Warmth.

Trying to numb the slow dying hands of time.
The search for wonder,
the surprise of awe.
Death.
Don’t worry,
it’s coming for us all.

Look over your shoulder;
look under your bed.
Don’t leave your light on,
it’ll be peace.

Authenticity.
**** this.
This is who I am.
The words I write,
the speech I say;
this is me.

Walk this journey with me,
or not,
I don’t care.
This is real.
The “troubled artist”,
the “dark poet”,
the “pitiful addict”,
I’m all of it and
none of it.

Man up.
Stop letting fear take hold.
This voice you hear in your head is your own.
Listen to it, there’s wisdom there.
I’m sick of it, that’s right, I’m ******* sick of it.
Grow up, take a stand and be a man.

I talk to myself and these are the words inside my head.
Expression.
Thank God for it.
I scream and these words are inadequate.
Silence is golden.
So sick of clichés. I want something new.
Ok, I’ll be quiet now. I know it’ll be alright.
It’s ok. It’ll be alright.