I wanna talk about you
And the things I miss about you
But you see, my pen is broken
And my heart has lost its rhythm
The words are crooked
And the paper is nothing but rejection
But let me just write this down
You were the kind of love
I planted on a flower ***
You were the kind of love I watered with silence
And you were the kind of love
That blossomed from a distance
And you were the kind of love that was just as equally painful
And yet it was also as hauntingly
beautiful.

Like an old friend inviting you to come inside.
Familiar. Comforting.
It will grasp you in its arms and hold you close;
And when you're ready to leave, it wont let you go.
You will beg and plead to be happy,
and it will put up a fight.
It will make you think that the only way to escape it is to take your own life.
If you are lucky, you can break free;
and it will sit and watch you from afar.
Calling your name.
Welcoming you back into it's arms.
It will intrude your thoughts.
Make you think you are worthless.
That you're better off dead.
Just keep telling yourself that it's all in your head.
Keep moving. You will get far.
Depression is not who you are.

On my way to work this morning
I had an anxiety attack while driving
I didn't realize I had been holding my breath until I slowed down to 35 and my arms were shaky and my legs felt numb
I get so tired of having this problem
I'm so tired of it springing out of nowhere and keeping me from being able to do normal things
and making my mind race and my stomach turn to knots
I try to talk myself out of it but that doesn't always work
I dont even know what it's like to not feel like this anymore sometimes
I'm so tired of it