It always starts the same way.
"Hello it's been a-while."
And then half-formed regrets hidden under word layers,
wrapped up to
conceal, deceive.
A smile. Goodbye, farewell.

The ache doesn't come from parting.
Au Contraire dear one.
It comes from what-ifs, might-have-beens, should-haves;
and always the knowledge of walking away,
letting a part of you go,
a whisper on a breeze,
a prayer.

Standing in
The grocery store
Dazing through
Colored produce
Her hands
Tangled
In her hair
Looking past
The people
Passing
Your ring
On her finger
A little lose
Wires
Of her hair
Clutching
Its turquoise
Edges
Looking
Like she
Is looking
For you
Like She never
Got the phone call
Like an answer
Never came
Like you only hid
In the tall grass
With a small
And laughing
Smile
Like if I shook
Her
I would be
The first
To tell her
Where are her words
I wonder
Falling
From her lips
From her
Mangled mind
Scattered and
Silently pleading
For rearrangement
For a callback
To say
It was all
A miscommunication
They didn’t need
Her daughter
For the role
To hear
It was just
A mistake
The store
Could make
A refund
Because this
Isn’t
What she bought
Standing there
I stare
At her
Staring
Almost blankly
Almost apathetic
Almost just barely
Uneasy
Contemplating:
If she pressed
Hard enough
Into her temples
Wrapping
Her fingers
Deep into
Her hair
If she
Could get it
To become
So quiet
No one around
Remained
Maybe
Time
Could pause
A moment
To breathe
A deep
Breath
Opening a door
For understanding  
Overcome
With relief
Maybe then
She could
Press harder
Releasing
The reel
Of time
Letting it
Roll backward
I almost
Don’t want
To interrupt
Though I know
Her mind
Is not quiet
I place
My hand
On her
Shoulder
Softly
As if
To wake
A sleeping
Baby
I almost
Expect her
To turn
To me
Not knowing
Who I am
To tilt
Her head
Back
Her mouth
Falling open
And her face
To become
Wrought and
Wet
With distress
It doesn’t
She looks
At me
As if removed
From some place
Far from where
We stand
She says
She thought
She saw me
Walk in
I see
Your eyes
In her eyes
She sees
Your memories
In mine
We exchange
Words
Both
Looking
For you
I realize
She thought
She almost
Found you
Until turning
To see only
My face
The hurt
It carries
To her
Placing it
Back
Into the
Front seat
Of her
Memory
Though she
Had been
Far
From forgetting
Standing
Like two
Lovers left
By the same
Lady
An awkward
Almost drunken
Daze
Her heart
More broken
Than mine
It didn’t matter
How much
Either
Of us
Loved
Our lover
Left us
It grows
Silent
I tell her,
I need to go and return my mushrooms

Why dont you love me, so you say
Why must you not show love and play
Why do you toy with me you ask
Why do you hide behind a mask
Am i not pretty like the others
Do you not show love cause of past lovers
Say that you like me but show me different
Claim to be close but you feel so distant
You flag me down into your runway
Only to shoot me with your gun play
It felt so right, now that moment is gone
Say that you like me, but it never seems long

the lackluster heart
is a careless companion
his tarnished love is a thin man with hungry eyes
loved only by her mad mad mind
with a clean beauty to her that shines
the sour bread is bitter wine
his own madness stifled his tongue
painting its masterpiece of literary eloquence in utter silence
a neon glitter mona lisa written for the ages
like a grease monkey supplicant for the siege engine that is his heart
the lackluster heart tinkers with his noble endeavour soul
seeking that sweet music perfection you see in all the magazines
hand in hand with the dream come true girl and her saltwater jewels
she is dragging sacks of christmas cheer  
decorating the avenue with beautiful things
its that time of year
the lackluster heart is uninspired
but he's handsome and thats all that matters to her

your words wore silver;
but your gaze was golden.

you kept promises;
you held on.

you fed me your words
and I read them with glee.

I held onto them and gave myself to them.

I let you feed on me
as if I was your treasured prey.

I guess I wasn't that spectacular though.

something changed.
you stopped spoiling me with your words;
and for days I was worthless.

then you came back.
you continued with your lead passion;
with the words you knew I loved.

but those days I was merciless had already torn apart your silver;
they stole your gold with selfish regard and broken palms.

you were cold; merciless.
it was as if I had done something;
   as if I held on too tight and made you run

and oh did you run far

I guess I should have known
it wasn't going to last
it never does

maybe I should have left sooner;
played hard to get.

but it's hard when you're always watching.