I want to talk to you,
But you're so out of reach,
Even if I cried and screamed-
You would never hear me.

Every since I was a child,
I thought I would be the man to change the world,
Create something new, find the cure to cancer, make a woman feel like the best one in the world, or even set a world record.
However, as I'm growing up I'm noticing something, something that teachers always tell you.
"History repeats itself"
And that it does.

Love is a mysterious thing.
It can have you love something so much about a person that you'd never had loved otherwise.
For me,
It's the way she crinkles her nose when she tries not to smile,
Or the way she unconsciously drools on my chest when we're laying together.
It's honestly the most beautiful thing in the world and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The flame burning inside me
Is shining bright;
Unwavering and ready
To show you all of
Myself without
Hesitation.

There is a  three sided mask
To every person.
The side that's desired
The side that's trapped
And the side that's internal.

My internal side is filled with words,
Words that have been beat into me
As a child and ones that
I've come to believe.
Weird,
Freak,
****** up,
Unwanted,
Lost cause,
Disappointment.
All words that have come from
The people I love and trust.

The trapped side is chained.
Chained and suffering,
Striving to break free.
Suffocated
To the point
Painful
Tears of blood
Stream my face.
It has fangs and horns
To remind me of its
Evil presence.

The desired side is free.
Free as a bird soaring
Through the clear, baby-blue Sky.
Free where green vines and grass
Can grow and bud flowers
To show I have potential.
It has stars which show
Even in the night I can soar
And be as beautiful as day.
It's the side I progress to be
And hope to one day become.

There's also a piece of the mask
That's incorporated on every side.
That's the white space.
The white space allows for growth
And room to improve.
It helps me believe I can become
More than I ever was before.

What are your three sides?

In all my years
I've seen many beautiful things:
Sunsets
Flowers
Mountain views
And more
But none of them compare
To the beauty of her blue-gray eyes
When she looks at me
And says she loves me.
To me,
That's true beauty.

I'm floating in purgatory -
My soul has no where to go.
I hover aimlessly through
The deserted space
Reliving my memories and life
Thinking how it would be different
If I was an actual human being,
One who was capable of love,
One who could smile
And make others feel better.
But it's too late now because
I'm floating in purgatory.

Love isn't so fragile
To be broken by a twig
Or a stone
Or a hammer.
It can outlast anything
As long as there's a tie.
But you'd know that better
Than I.
So I'll take the hits
The slashes
And all the fear.
But I will remain strong
I promise you that
Because I told you forever
And that's a keeper.

I hear your
Silent screams,
Your
Internal cries.
They rip me to shreads
And I don't know why.
I've been here for months
Trying to help
But you reject my attempts
And continue to yelp.

Happy first day of Spring!
We're expecting snow.
Mother Nature can't
Make up her mind,
But neither can I.
It feels misplaced
Like it doesn't belong,
I feel like the puzzle piece
You can never find a spot for.
I guess that's what happens,
When you wait too long.

Personal space
Is oh so important.
If you know this,
Then why don't you stop
When I say no?

This one is for you,
On this Starry night,
Where I sit here having
A chat with the stars
About not begging or screaming.
I know you won't even read this
And that's fine too.
No more aggression,
Or oppression,
Just a beautiful melody that will play
And will always stay.
But Now
This is for me,
To do what you've said
to become the person
who was once in my stead.
I remember what you said
when we first met,
And I'm hoping that's what this is,
But until then -
The image of your blue-grey eyes
Will stay in my head.
Along with your smile
And freckles (which somehow
Ruin my life) -
But If your words are true,
Then time and time again
I will be here for you.
Just like in your favorite movie,
We're at the ******.
But like that same movie,
We will meet again,
And get through it again.
It's
As I've always said -
"Everything will fall into place."
But this time I'm adding a new phrase -
"If you love something let it go. If it's yours
It will come back to you, If it doesn't
Then it was never yours to begin with.
Just like the how the stars are aligned,
Everything will fall into place."
But this time
I promise you -
We will meet again in this life
Or the next
And when we do,
I will tell you that I love you.

This is my Ode to You.

I've never had anxiety before
But I guess this is it.
Red hot face,
Pounding heart,
And unparalleled fear.
I guess that's bound to happen
When a heart is being
Ripped in two.

Theres a help wanted sign posted
Just like the one in my heart
It's hard to find just the right employee
Because it's hard to trust
Once you trust that's it
Their feelings are in their hands
And they can either make or break
But for some reason
That still sounds better than being void

My anxiety is through the roof,
Thumpthumpthump,
My heart charges on nonstop for hours,
How do I fix this?
Why does this happen?
"You need to change
Or you'll remain unhappy" she said.
It took awhile,
But those words finally came through.

It seems to be in vain
Because no matter how hard I try
And bare with the pain
I cannot die.

Theres darkness coming,
It's fast and swallowing everything whole.
It surrounded me,
But I'm still here.
Why?

After continuous thinking,
I realized.
It's swallowing memories and emotions,
Not the people.

Her smile, her laugh, her beautiful blue eyes.
The way she pouts when she's annoyed;
All being erased from my memory.
The warm feeling that she left,
Being erased and replaced by
A cold and haunting force.

This enemy,
This fiend,
This killer,
This darkness -
Is depression.

"What do I do?"
"Go."
"But what if I'm rejected"
"Time waits for no one..."

I'm
Lost with
Out your  words of
Vanity.
Eternally searching for
Your touch
Over and over again
Under my skin.

I'm on the wrong timeline-
For I wanted to be on the one
Where we existed
Where we still had fun.
Where I became your husband
And you gave me a son.

Tonight is the night
That my soul is freed
From this contaminated,
Cursed body of mine.
Tonight is the night
That I end the suffering
End the endless, miserable
Nights that I've condemned
Myself to.
Tonight is the night
That the last breath is taken.

I'm like Clark Kent,
Hiding my true self from the world.
Refusing to show anyone my true self
Because underneath,
I'm too weak.
Like superman,
I found a Jane.
Who I want to peel my Clark Kent layer
And see the true me.
But alas, it cannot be.
If they knew they'd use her,
And destroy all of me.

"What am I to you?" She asked.
"Stronger than all of the kryptonite in the world..."

The sky is crying
Endless tears
Which are now frozen
Since the warmth you gave
Is no longer.
There's one drop for when we met,
Another for when we ended,
All the others for everytime inbetween.
They will continue to fall
On this endless night.

You always told me I was warm,
That being with me
turned your cold self
Into a nice summer day.
It wasn't until you were gone
that I realized:
The warmth came
from inside of me
every time I saw those
beautiful blue eyes.
You were my
Beautiful blue eyed girl.

You said you wanted to try again.
You had me promise that one day would happen again.
In the end you erased me from your life,
And left me nothing to hold on to.
So,
This is goodbye.

One day we will look back on this,
We'll revisit our times together and smile.
One day I'll be able to tell you what happened,
I'll tell you how I feel and everything you wanted to hear.
One day we will meet again but this time,
It'll be right.

Everyone has one thing they're good at or they love to do.
Whether it be playing a sport, cooking, gaming, whatever it may be.
Me, however, I never had  a specific talent such as those.
But recently the only thing I can think of is you.
How much I love to talk to you and be with you
Spending countless hours together just being stupid and joking around
Even when we're just laying there not even speaking to each other
Spending time with you has become something I love to do.

You told me you were different - being that I trusted you I believed it
You told me you wouldn't hurt me - I was hesitant but continued to believe it
You told me you quit - due to my past I was overjoyed and believed it
You told me you love me - skeptical but I still believe it
You told me many things - I believed every single one.
You told me many excuses - I believe them
You told me goodbye - now what do I believe?

I can't promise that I'll be the wealthiest man in the world
I can't promise that I'll be able to get you anything you want
I can't promise that there won't be times that we'll argue or be upset with each other
I can't promise that I'll be able to be with you for every second of the day
I can't promise that we'll be in love forever
But
I can promise that I'll try my hardest every single day that each one of those cants  becomes a can.

Why did you tell me you'd always be there - always when I wanted or needed you
Why tell me I'm the most important person to you - that you'll never do me wrong and never leave me
Why did you have me at your house late at night - having long chats about our past and our feelings
Why tell me that you love me - that you can't live with out me and always want to be by my side
Why did I believe you?

On starry nights I use to go with you to that place you loved
Where you spent countless hours doing nothing but looking
We often went star gazing together, And being you I thought that was all there was to it
But there was that one night when the meteors showed their colors
The night where your face lit up like the Christmas lights hanging around your room
It was in that moment that I became yours forever