One day I will find someone that respects my kindness

And my time

And the little bit of ******* patience I save

Only for rainy days

And she waited
For the seasons to change
Under a noir tree
With gnarled roots
Branches bent
Towards the ground
And every day
She kissed the sun
And burned her tongue
Praying her love
Would bring Spring time again

Sometimes

My heart shudders

And ripples in fear

And I imagine

Touching my stomach

For fear of what my future child

One day may have to endure

One day may have to see

One day may have to think

One day may have to feel …

In my mind I trace night skies across your eyelid

Sweet perfection

The world at peace

The rumble of clouds in your breath

Nature speaks in your being

I see the coal in your skin

The sun setting on your lips

The smoke of mountains in your curls

I watch you sleep

and memorize the plains of your face

The curve of your nose

Only to hope I can remember enough

to dream of the heavens in your smile

The soothing downpour of your voice

The sunshine of your presence

The lightning in your touch

Surely God reached his hand

down into Mother Earth

to form this

His sweetest creation .

At the meeting of her breast there is  
an avalanche of creation
Sweet love pours down
Like milk and honey

The center of the earth
Moves in the pit of her belly
Blessed creature
Lay still!
Stay hidden at the core

The genesis of all creation
The perfect balance of him and her

The mother
With brown skin like dirt
With black skin like midnight skies
With full lips like animals
Full lips like the ripest berry
With hair corse and unkept
Difficult to tame and mighty to look at

You are birthed from strength
A song sung for generations
Passed down by hushed tongues
and calloused hands
A blood song
Of family and sacrifice

Sweet angel
You are loved by the world
And hated by the very ones who
could only dream to create
Such a masterpiece

When you kick the power in your limbs
Move mountains
When you stretch
Your fingers brush twilight
and sunbeams

Dear Mother Earth has outdone herself
once again!

Until you do right by me
Everything you think about will fall
Your flowers will wilt
And karma will call
The price will paid in sacrifice
And blood
For the lies that you’ve told
And your betrayal of love

Things I don’t want:
To be a someone’s project.
A missionary’s quest for redemption and salvation from their depts owed to their universe
Things I don’t want:
To be imperfect.
To have my mask ripped from my hands
And reveal the cracks across a face of China
The scars I’m trying so desperately to heal
Things I don’t want:
Feelings.
Feelings of abandonment, distrust, insecurity
Things I don’t want:
Feelings.
Feelings that are too sincere
Because sincerity is subjective and unreliable
Things I don’t want:
More nightmares
The kind that happen wherever you sit or stand
That cloud your eyes and make your head hurt
That can follow you like a fog throughout the day, and week,
and month
Things I don’t want:
More tears
And pain
That you can’t find to blame on anyone but yourself
For getting your hopes up again
Even when you know from your past you shouldn’t
Things I don’t want:
To travel backwards
Into a place I hoped I’d never go back to again
Because it was too dark
And draining
And I don’t have that energy to spare again
Things I don’t want:
More sad poems
Because sad poems mean you’re sad in real life
And not just on the lines of a piece of paper
And I just want to be happy

I stand beside you
Unnoticed

Can you hear my words?
They encourage YOU
They lift YOU

I pick you up
When the world puts you down
And brush you off
with a mother's tender love

I lay in your shadow
To be your wind in tough times
Spread your wings and fly!

I brush the crust from
your eyes
And greet you with new light
and promises for tomorrow..

But do you see me?
I am your equal
Do you hear my song?
Can you feel my presence?

Embracing you
Nourishing you
Taking from myself for YOU
To please YOU
To bless YOU
To love YOU

No pain is greater
Than to go
Unnoticed

Your desire fuels me
I dance around your flames
Feeding you passion
Your inner most desires
Those that you did and did not know
I revel in your chemical reactions
The colors that you turn
And soon your flames leak out
Of the circle I’ve built around you
Warming my toes
Biting my heels
Bringing comfort
And fear
Yet not enough of either
So I don’t run
But I keep my eyes trained on you
Ready for whatever you may have in store
Weary of all that I know you will bring

What you seek
and hope to find
is big of heart
and strong of mind
Articulate
with will of steel
A knowing hug
A kiss to heal
And in trust shall never falter
Would be a sin to try and alter
Something so sweet
Hard to be found
Twas heaven sent
And heaven bound.

Where I'm at
is where I want to be
With family and friends surrounding me
A happiness no one can fee

Where I'm at
is where I want to stay
Opportunities laid forth upon a tray
With simple goals of work and play

Where I'm at
I firmly stand
When if I want it I just reach out my hand
And my heart is as strong
as soiled land

Where I'm at
I want to be
where content flows like warm honey
And so my pillow is where I lay
With dreams of only yesterday
And other thoughts shall remain banned
from my castle in summer sand
And deep inside I'll hide the key
Cause where I'm at
I want to be

A different smile
A different set of lips
You're not mine
Where is my heart?
Gone
Eyes one with the stars
Black hair blended in with the night
The path has changed
Golden bricks replaced with
hard cobbled stone
A winding path
Where is my heart?
The sun breaks through
And I set out for another day
Another hour
Another voice
It's not mine
It's not yours
Where is my heart?
I battle the storms
Wind, sleet, rain
Another battle by myself
Who will fight for me?
Where is my heart?
I brave new trials
Cross valleys
Climb mountains
But all that awaits is another road
More stones
More sky
Where is my heart?
And I'm tired..
The nights grow cold
And only old memories seem to warm
All I want is whats mine
Where is MY heart?

This is why I don't get involved
Why there's so many unread texts
and phones uncalled
Why I never say forever
Or take a chance to just see
Because at the end of the day all I have is me.
Why am I here??
When you're so far away
I asked you one million times if I should stay
And the answer is always yes
But I'm starting to believe
The person that you wish I was is not
what you see
The person that you wish I was
is someone far away
A broken dream and broken heart
still show up in display
Of the place that I now occupy
And I see it clear as day
That wall you've built around yourself
Just might be here to stay
Am I here because I'm warm?
Do I keep the shadows out?
From the dark corners of your mind
That you have yet to climb your way out
You're still dangling
Suspended in a time of almost were
Praying for a rope or ladder to bring
your heart some help and cure
From all the anger and the sadness
Yes I know I've felt it too
When the dream you had is gone
cause it was meant to be for two
But that other half no longer has
a place inside your plan
And you're forced to move on with your life
To be the better (wo)man
You say you're ready for transition
Ready to begin again
But each path that's traveled only
comes to yet another end
So your feet they back track
To begin the road again
Thinking that this time it's
guaranteed
The coast is finally clear
But you still hear shadows echoing
once again
Why am I here??

You know it's crazy
How in one months time everything can change
I look back on all the tears I wasted
The nights I cried for you
And to you
And you could not be moved
The nights that were the darkest
Where it took all I had not to crawl out of my skin
And I wonder how could I
Have placed so much into another imperfect human being
But now
My eyes have cleared
And I no longer keep my head above water
I float. And I marvel in it.
Because now I realize
That you are not my universe
Just like loving him was not in my nature
And those before him were not gods
I am the master of what is
And God is the master of what will be
And knowing this
Has changed my life

I could have loved you,
I don't think you knew
That I could have loved you
It hurts
Sometimes thinking of you
Because now I know
That these thoughts
And feelings
Were mine to bear
Alone.
What could I have done?
To open your eyes
To see me there
What could I have said
To draw your attention and keep it there
What was I
supposed to do?
I guess we'll never know
But next lifetime
When the wind blows North
and not South
And the Autumn leaves fall in our favor
You will
We will.