As I lived
Music always lingered on every moment.
A soundtrack to every scene,
A beat for every memory,
Hummed and sung so joyfully,
Or cried out in agony.

The earworms I once bellowed out,
Till I'd emptied my lungs
...
I now listened to and understood.
Not entirely
But there was pain.
Tragedy.
Longing.
So much struggle concealed under a poppy melody.

How far I've come to sound like the music's changed,
When really,
It's me.

Sit.
...
Breathe.
...
Release.
...

I'm still not okay...
But
At least now I can play the part.

I sat in my room,
A rollup of green
Perched between my lips,
Bellowing away.

Above the clouds and gusts of wind,
I'd write these words.

I'm an artist for work.
It's hard.
There's always a worry for stability.
That worry now sits as the shadow of my works.
All impure,
Tainted by fear and anxiety.
Success is a goal so hard fought for
That I only see my true self in my poetry.

The one haven I've left for myself.

Pity me just a little.
So, I can lie to myself that you understand.
...
I could do with a helping hand.

Where’s my whimsy and wonder?
There’s just fire and thunder.
Lost up in my head on every single blunder.

Did I do it wrong? Did I do it right?
I’ll stay up contemplating all night.

Never reach an answer,
But it’ll never leave my mind.
And through all this struggle, I realise I can’t find,
The wonder and whimsy I used to have inside.

Scream scream scream!

The words bleed less,
If you scream it on the inside.
Quelle the racket.
You can seek but I'll hide.

Tides uneven,
To the left to the right.
Heave-** as much as can go.
Build a castle in the waves
Don't cry as it washes away.

Put it all where it's supposed to go,
Square to square,
Drone and drone.

This is not your place.

Throw a tantrum.

There’s so much waffle in my brain.

Disorientated and distracted by an endless barrage.
A mixture of inane and insane, I’m unsure of neither heads nor tails.

High on a pedestal that sits safely above the rocky waves, I act as if ignorance could take me far from this hellish place.