The core of my heart is compassion, it's warmth passionate.
Enveloped by the pain and sadness of my past experiences.
The bright light hugging it is made from the love I have received in my life. The scars on my heart is proof that life acknowledges me.
The tears that I shed for myself and for those I love is the light and hope I give to others who are shining just as bright.
When I look up to the night sky and gaze the stars we have the tendency to feel insignificant. But it is in this very tendency where our tenacity lies. To want to grow to being significant on cosmic scale. Besides the fact that our tenacity and willpower lies in that very thought we also create an illusion for ourselves. The night sky tells me I'm significant, for we are small yet we matter in the world we live in. When our hearts open our horizon widens, our world becomes bigger but it also deepens. I would like to invite those that say that this world is getting smaller to not look at size but to zoom in on one specific aspect of life. You would realize how significant an ant or a microbe is and just how dependant we are on the smallest of creatures and how significant they are to us. You would realize that the smallest of things  allow us to be significant for others and that it serves as the foundation, the stepping stone for us to be significant on a cosmic timescale. Everything is connected and so far everything we know except ourselves honors that connection.

My Masochistic love,

You abandon me,
You kick me to the ground,
And than you drag me
I get up and still chase you and when I can't get up,
I crawl,
Till I bleed ..
In hopes that when I bleed, I rid you
But I don't,
Shamefully, I love the way you hurt me.

I want to talk about us being married one day, but I do not dare dream about that possibility of us being together forever because you are not of the same faith. And we should have never shared those kisses between the hour hands

Not everyone needs angels. But I know I need mine.
not everyone needs a savior. But all I have is mine.
Ill never force it on you. Or make you say its true.
Just don't ask me to explain myself. I owe nothing to you.
I believe in equal rights. I also go to church. I believe in contradiction or coincidence or faith.
I believe there are other ways to heaven then what's written on a page.

I need you not to panic
Not to "nevermind"
I need you not to run away
I need you not to hide
Stop putting walls around yourself
When I need you most
I just need you to talk to me
But you won't

I need you to be here with me now
And not lost in dreaming about the future
So many paths
Will it last
Neither of us can ever know
So please
Stop thinking about it
Think about now
I need you NOW
Not seven years from now
Two years, ten years
Too many tears spent wasted on
Fear of the future
Dear future husband -
I need you to see me
I'm right here beside you
Telling you that we can figure it out together
And you're trying to figure it out on your own
But the truth is
You can't tell the future
She needs you
I need you
I need you to see me
Please ******* believe me
There's no time for worry
Please - stop all this hurry
Just love me and hug me
Wait patiently for me
Don't jump the gun
Or you won't get to adore me
Have patience
Have patience
We can't tell the future
So stop all this crying
And stop all this trying to
Know what God's planned for us
After all
We're just dust
Just love me and hug me
And try not to lose me
I'll never let anything get in between
You and I
And our Father
Who art thou in heaven
He waits patiently for us
While we wait patiently for one another
Building
Blocks
Of
A
Marriage
Need
To
Dry

When first I did see you,
My heart was a drum, beaten,
A fog horn blew out to sea.

When you looked at me,
Stark, true, across blue sky,
Sunshine piercing the clouds.

When you touched me,
Frost thawing at first light,
Misted dews on the heathers.

When you were upon me so,
Could I not but open, bloom,
Softly, wind on the petal.

When your hot eyes got me,
Set smoulder to stoked flame,
Aye, I burned for you.

I'm falling to pieces
but I don't mind
because the high I felt with you
was worth my time

                              Or maybe it wasn't
                             and im just venting
                      Telling myself it was worth it
                     When I know it really wasn't
                        
your memory haunts me
 No, more like it taunts me
causing the raging storms within

                      I guess its time to walk away
                       While i haven't yet became
                                       Insane
  
My ego whispers , he was yours
The monsters the storm created
Whisper , dont let him go

                    But the bit of sanity I have left
                             Shrivels and says
                               Accept that it
                      just wasn't meant to be

Because he pulled
me from darkness to
his light. Because he
held my hand tight when
i was scared. Because
he handed me over his
heart without fearing
that i'll tear it apart with
no care. I knew he's the
one the minute his hand
reached out before the
sun came up. Before the
morning dew dropped.
He came to rescue me
while the whole world was
drowning in it's deep
sleep* ~

The past
Can grasp
For me
Plead
For me to pay it mind
Spare it my time
But if I did, that would be a self-destructive crime
Because life is too short to be wasting my time

Antiquated journal entries
Scorching my eyes
I thought I threw them all out
I thought I did away with my past entirely
But this journal entry
Brought me back to a day I have no recollection of
It made me feel like I felt five years ago,
Lonely and seeking attention in all the wrong places
Scared and shielded.

My, have I grown
Not in size or shape
But in destiny and fate
My life was heading in an ominous direction
How many times did I call out to God
Until I finally became humbled
And welcomed the Angels protection.

It's been a long journey
Through attempting to conform to dogmatic ideals
to becoming overwhelmed and lashing out in bouts of departing--
Dissociating
To allow the pain to be released in some rebellious way
But the core of me was still ailing and not okay
And only recently have I started to discover my self worth and potential
Not by comparing myself to others and deeming myself superior as to soothe my raging pain
But by listening to God and allowing Him to show me what steps to take so I can get out of life the most gain.