Not a word has been spoken since that night.
The night where words ran wild, and no one saw the light.


                                         My heart is breaking from the people who leave.
                                             My heart was stolen by night's terrible thieve.


                          The secrets and lies that people deny.
                          The heart and pain that is dying in time.


The blood that is streaking across the skin.
The razor can't stop digging in.
                    
                                           ­             Words of hate leave ink on your bones.
                                                        Wa­nting no more to pick up the stones.


                   I wait for death to take me home.

Your death
Is transforming my life.
My health is down the drain
My body is in pain
And my mind is in a far worse state
I'm depressed and a wreck
I don't sleep or eat
At least not the way I used to.
These bloodshot eyes are tired of leaking
My chest wishes to rest
And the only time I'm not shaking
Is when my lips
Are curled around a cigarette
And smoke abundant in my lungs.
Some may call it a mental breakdown
I call it grieving.

She walks into school
      and it starts again
           the shaking,
               it rips through her like a wave
She hears the sound of the voices
      in the hallway
         yet she cant make out what they're saying
She thinks all eyes are on her,
     everything is just one big blur
She hears laughter and
     she automatically thinks its
        directed at her
She waits in the bathroom
     like she does every morning
        for the halls to be clear
She walks out
     and wipes away her tears

I feel guilty
For not feeling grief.
The sadness just isn't in me.
How can I feel for a life
I never truly knew?
Yet you seem like the only one
I ever really knew.

A family that's been struck
With the endings of a generation.
The knots of our roots
Are being tied slowly with the years.
All we can do is shed tears,
And hope we won't feel fear.

Sooner or later
The names will be unknown.

No one knows why.

Why beauty always disappears in the end.

Why the tree sheds it's beautiful colors every fall.

Why every night, the sun shares it's  beautiful spotlight of the sky with the moon.

Why the flowers shrivel and die after a short period of time.

Why the music always has to come to a stop.

Why the shooting stars flash by and leave.

Why every story comes to an end.

Why the fluttering butterflies always fly away.

Why the rainbow always ends up vanishing from the sky.

The reason? No one knows.

No one knows.

there’s smoke on my breath again
& everyone looks at me like i disappoint
i’m still trying to be better than i was
bandage my wounds
but every ugly thought splits them open
my head is fraying,
ripping at the seams
i don’t know how to fix this.

i don’t care that my heart beats off tempo anymore
not even when i’m certain it’ll give out
maybe i’m just waiting
for a sudden seize
& then nothing at all.
maybe i’d like
nothing more.

maybe it’s getting bad again
i don’t know
i don’t know
but the nights are sleepless
& my head spins when i stand too fast
my body is tired
my brain is giving up.

tonight i need to forget myself
but i can’t bring myself to say
i need you
i won’t tell you i’m aching
& all i need is your voice,
your words,
your soothing songs.
i won’t tell you.

so i’ll lie awake again,
swathed in sheets,
playing with what-ifs and worst-cases
i’ve been playing with sharp things
far too long now
but tonight,
i want that calm again.