So very cold,
All of the time.
I can't feel my hands,
But that's normal now.
I feel my bones crack,
As I try to move.
The ceaseless shivering,
Has become normal,
And ineffective.
My pale skin has a sheen of blue,
Marred by the line of red,
From my bleeding nose.
And with 3 pained breaths,
I fall to sleep,
And breath no more.

You know I keep it caged,
Deep inside me.
I always did so well,
At keeping it quiet.
Nobody ever had to know,
About this monstrosity,
Right beneath the surface.

I keep my face straight.
Not a smile or a cry.
I'm constantly reminded,
To keep it well inside.
I always did so well too,
Till the night I lost control.

The monster from inside,
My own Pandora's box.
The monster's not inside,
Will never sleep again.
This monster on the inside,
Called emotion.

I am afraid.
Of you,
Or more realistically,
Your power over me.
I am afraid of intimacy,
Well, I was,
Until you coerced me,
My first kiss,
Stolen from my lips.
The feeling of your fingertips,
Tracing my every curve,
Or lack thereof,
I was but a child you know.
Little by little,
My fears slipped away,
As you held me,
And told me you'd love me,
You'd marry me someday,
That I would always be safe.
Then you grew up.
I was afraid,
And now,
Now I am terrified.

How do I move on from this?
What's the next step?
There are tear stains on my laptop,
Left over from your words.

I want to move on from this,
Is there even a next step?
There are scars on my heart,
Left over from your words.

I have to move on from this,
What's my next step?
I trashed my room in the rage,
Left over from your words.

I'm going to move on from this,
I need to take the next step.
I will distance myself from the pain,
Left over from your words.

I am moving on from this,
I am taking the next step,
And the next,
And yet one more,
Until I am far far away from the holes,
Left over from your words.

Human emotions are but pain and commotion
Swirling around like a storm on the ocean
Betrayal is born when you offer your devotion
And your mind breaks down when your heart splits open

Question.
Does friendship disappear overnight?
Do feelings drop off randomly?
If they do, do you really fake it,
Hoping it could come back?

Question.
Do relationships do the same?
Can you lose two years in two days?
And when you do,
Do you fake it hoping for a miracle?

Question.
Is there a script for men to follow?
Whether friend or lover,
You speak the same words,
Hoping, praying I don't notice the lines,
Used on me before?

Question.
Do you find me so unintelligent,
That you believe that I,
the girl with the wise eyes,
And the beautiful mind,
Could not see the patterns proven to me before?

Question.
Do you think so little of me,
That you could so casually use,
My worst fear against me?

Statement.
If you wanted this to be easy for me,
Don't quote my ex word for word.
Don't insult my relationship with you,
And do not insult my relationship with God.

Statement.
Don't ever come back,
Because you (I cannot say good) sir,
You are a ******* of the worst degree.