Life is a movie and men are really actors.
Some get the lead role, while others are just extras.
It's a hierarchy,
you got the over zealous ****** on top and ******* below.
If you can sell your soul, you'll make headlines.
Get paid.
Buy a steak or something.
Care only about yourself and **** everybody else over, in whatever position you'd like ;)
.Fight ***** or don't fight at all.
Sucker punch the Devil for trickin' you and book it.
Run, run fast, like the cops  are after you.
****'s about to go down.
It's Irony, in his emmy winning role!
Shameful that "The laws" are just dyslexic interpretations of petty rules anyways.
Use logic, not obedience

My phone's got no service
in this christian meets crazy.
Westboro baptist church.
When the negative sermon
is over.

I bet, I will
have
6 missed calls.
6 new voice mails.
&
6 texts
all from the
Lovely Lucy.
Looks like hell is
trying to get at me.
Someone wants my soul.
Maybe,
I'm going to be famous or somethin'.
Rapture Raptors.
I will be fed to the
feeding flames of infamy.

The anti-christ super-star auditions are at 3 a.m.
It's, 2 hours away!
I'm 7 years away.
Hope I make it to exit 27.
If not exit 40 works fine too.

High-on
up
in this moment.
Until tomorrow,
knocks me
out of the sky.
The
bad news bears
have woken up  
and now they're
here to stay.
Sometimes,
I wish it
was
still
January.
So the weather
could replicate
the season of my
ice cold heart.

From Discoveries; my high school journal.
Entries from February of 2009.

February 12th: Even in good company I still feel alone.

February 13th:
I can't paint & I can't  draw either.
But with my words,
I can paint a paper-back
that will give
even
Andy Warhol, a run for his $.

Three Months ago:
I took a look
in the honesty window's
reflection
and I began to loathe what I saw.
& I began to mend my mold
to make this work.
WIthout resorting to stripping or suicide,

That's when Bandit came out to play.

"Everything I say is said in blue ink and heard on lined paper. Chemical and herbal experimentation have changed me. Oh high, I'm Bandit. & It is nice to meet you."

My best friend in the poetry world is The Bloodshed Saint, she's really good. So I am trying to make her get one of these. I wrote this to her like 4 years ago, it's weird how you can know people so well but you've never met before.

As I promised
the sun
will always
shine on you
even in your
darkest hour.
For the sun and
you are now one
deity of purity
and peace.
The truth your
about
to reveal,
will blind the world.
Protecting us from the problems man has created.
Once again people will prosper
under your careful watch.

Wish,
you loved
me like,
I thought you did.

Should've
blown my brains out.

When all these
crazy thoughts
started singing
in my mind.

If I was in the right place.
I would have,
but I didn't.

Now.I.Suffer.

Thanks, for the stab in the back.
See you in the great below.

</3

Cause you're way
2
cute,
2
cry
over a

    Big-***.
    Stupid-***.
    Lazy-***
    Broke-***

air-head.

That somehow
caught you in a web.
& made you
uhhh-****-ted.

Get it?
Get it?
Got it!
Good.

Be like the
Brookie Monster
and know
U R A
rare ruby.

That should be
hidden,
at the bottom
of the
cookie jar.
SO no one can steal your beauty.
For their own *****-gain.

Sleeping alone *****.
But nothings worse
than waking up next
to
a
skanky/******
Lust-****.

The incredible guilt,
I have for telling you
Deathscsweet seal
Is the hardest cross,
I've ever had to bear.
Incineratorin,
slowly in silence.
Burning like the Matches
only speak.
This course is speeding up my hour glass.
A little too fast for comfort.

When everything
is said and
done.

Gone
Faded.
Jaded.
Decayed.
Dead.  
Wish.
I was.

Just remember,
I didn't chose to
be brought into this.

You just forced me through the
crack-hole.
&
Yanked me out nine months later.

Sometimes, I hate both of you for this.

When you've been sick for so long.
That it feels more normal than anything.
A high functioning, hot mess.
As my mind runs in circles, on repeat.
Like a cursed pendulum.
Tomorrow's dissapointments are none of today's business.

Cheer up
peanut,
butter cup.
Candy is
supposed to be
sweet.
Not bitter.
Unless you're
trying
to be
the dark side of the chocolate bar.
But no matter,
what ever
your taste is.
I'll
always come
back for
more.
Looks like
lust has me
ummm
uhhh
uhh-****-ted.
Until the
Dentist tells
me otherwise.

All the
money a blank check
is worth for,
could never compare to
the true value,
of an
individual.
There's always
something
special
for everyone.
Cause everyone
is
something
special.
The world just
doesn't
want you
to know,
that you matter.
Cause they're afraid you're
going to
change
a
cycle,
that's been orbiting'
the earth,
since before we were here.


A circle-cycle, in it's simplicity is a double negative.
Like the Devil getting cozy
on a Demon's shoulder.
Double whammy.
Stop.
**** this.

I'm just cashed.
Today.
Tomorrow,
will
be
BETTER.

February 2nd: Dire was my day, every move I made was seen as a mistake.Malice my good intentions, I’ve been labeled as a hurtful, evil, and ugly man. Believed to be a demon, from the pits of hell; I am feared by all and eluded like a disease.
        
February 3rd: My time is spent in isolation. Never desiccated are the tears that endlessly flow down my wrecked up face. My screaming is unheard. Nothing is heard in this room, I am alone.
        
February 4th: Blood encrusts my massacred body, a true painting of affliction. I have run out of tears. Crying is now a more complex process, involving the bitter sweet touch of a blade.
        
February 5th: Exile is slowly beginning to **** me. The hands of time have firmly grabbed my neck and with each passing hour its grip grows stronger.

You say
you have a royal flush.
&
I'm ice-screaming
bluff.
Uhh bull-****.

You may
be the Drag/Queen
of Spades.

But I'm carrying the
ace of clubs.
In my pants pocket.

rofllololol

You're just a joker.

Joke's on you.
I'm the king of <3's.

<3 <3 <3 <3
Guess who owns yours?

Why waste my breathe.
When you can't listen to anybody else but yourself.

I'm not sorry for your lack of patience.
But I am sorry, you lost me.

Because when the roofs on fire
and my life is falling apart.
It's okay to be the fool.
Because he's walking off a cliff with a smile on his face.

So who's really living their best here?

**** this,
**** that,
*******
and every ******* lie.

That slid through your
crooked/cracked teeth.

My fists,
consumed with an
angry adrenaline.

Knock out em' out.
You're going to need
an oral surgeon.
Next line you drop.
And Pow.

Talk ****,
get hit.
No, get electrocuted.

The sand, within
our hour glass
marriage
Has run out.
Our life together is over.

What's up?
Divorce court!
A.K.A
just sitting here fighting with my
X,
like two wolves
over a dead deer’s heart.

Now,
the entire world can see
just how shallow our mental shores
really are.

Yeah.

Keep telling
the audience, the cameras,
and the rest of the
******* world.
That I ******* this
up.
For us.

Truth is:
I was the ***** & you were the screwdriver.
So, who *******, what up?

You really,
just need to
shut the **** up.
Cause you know you're never
going
to
Nut Up.
& The saying is nut up or shut up.

right, fight, light, bright.
I'm shining on with out you.

Now,
before you go
& leave me again.
To see places
that are six feet under
with people who are
much,
much
meaner
than I ever was.

I’d like to thank you for taking
My heart
All the way
Down,
down,
down
to hell with you.
On the greener side,
my heart will never be on my sleeve
Again.

Have fun, with all the other liars & cheaters down there.
I'll see you there,
when I decide to play dead.
Give me another 60 years,
unlike you.
I'm not a quitter.
</3

I'm sick and tired of playing
Your
boring,
backwards ,
board games.  
Life and Death.
I'm alive,
You’re just playing dead again.
So since,
you don’t
want to play anymore.
Can you just give me back my
clothes and get the **** out of my life?

When people say stupid ****.
"I'm uncomfortable with people standing beside me, behind my back"
- It's not like we care about your business, we've got our own **** to watch.
You're just paranoid cause
you're either
a good person
or your
guilty.
So which are you?

Confused.
Delusional.
You aren't looking through
real eyes if you think
you own something
that is in it's core breathing.
Space is something
that exceeds
realms of
heaven,
earth,
&
hell.
So you can't own space,
cause it's shared in
everything.
& even if you could buy space,
I think the only entity,
you could buy
from would
have to be
a lie dealer,
with fangs & horns.
Hell is the only place you
can buy space in.
***** money runs ***** places.
Kind of like a *******.


On a personal note.
Gold Coast, I almost worked there and I would have made 600 a night.
I'm glad I walked out of work with $25 in tips last Friday and kept my clothes on.

Another line off
a ****** broken
toilet-seat.

&
The guy with
smiley face eyes
is done-gone
getting himself,
into another
fist-fight.

With all the other
crack-cats.
For the biggest bag-o-rocks,
from the litter box.

Living the White-Trash dream.
Is just a day-dream
throw-away...

"bang.bang".

& The guy with the
:) eyes
took his pistol,
to his head
& Bam.

It's a brain-blow-out!  

Or a
beautiful- bouquet
of blood-black & red roses.

It is for sure,
An Ode To.......
  
Blowing up Billionaires
By the Billion.


& SO the guy with the :) eyes
Blew out the first
half of his head.

While the last half.
Well, it just bled black.

I'm caught in a web.
Cause I'm so fly and you're just a spider with a lying problem.
So Imma run like a bullet does from a gun.
Fast and free until I hit the walls,
I've been building.
I'm like water with lemon on the road to bitterness.
My minds going 120 and I'm too short to reach the brakes.
Sometimes when I'm alone,
I can hear my heart slowly breaking
because my soul is trying to walk out on my body.
Like a ghost, I keep fading in and out of life.

If
all the beautiful beads
met
the rest of the fantastic feathers
and formed a love cult.
Eternally sewing themselves together
into one
big ***,
passionate
&
powerful
love web.
Finally.
We would
have a chance
to catch.
The
big, bad and evil
black widow.

Just in time to
save the
all the
hurting
butterfly-hearts.

Spread your wings & fly.
You're beautiful. I know it.

If they don't
have anything nice
to say.
Then tell them
to shut
the ****
UP.

**** em' with kindness
and if all else fails
flash your pistol
and **** it.

Lick your lips
&
tell them
to **** it.

Love Cult
cuts through all the
cynicism,
condescending
*******.
So I don't have to
cut it out on myself.
Drawn up and ******
on top
of being sick
of feeling so strung
out on negativity
and speed.
I think I just
****** my <3
up to a point
to where it permanently
pounds, but now
it's for more than one person.

But tell me,
oh wise one.
With all your
superior knowledge
and hidden powers.
Are you genuine?
Or are you playing make believe?

One thing I'm sure of is;
you're rather convinced
that you know my soul.
Better than I do.
That my dear Mystic is debatable.

People are like
snow flakes.
They always
melt away
&
flake out
when
**** get’s hot & heavy.
Kind of like friends that aren't passionate.
Friends that aren't passionate about you are seasonal friends.

The Pill Poppers Proverb For Purchasing:

Only buy from friends
who'll give you
the solid truth.
Capsules can
carry lies
they could
have been
in
the hands
of ******-cold-heart
killer
or
careless self-proclaimed pharmacist?

It's hard to spot
a double agent
in a sea of sunglasses.
Stickwitchure gut.

I'm just trying not to feel the need
to ***** myself.

Over & Out
Of the
Poor White Trash Society
class-classy.

I am very much so.
Not my fault.
You think Imma
*****-worth-less
than you.

That's the
Price of being Pretty.

Some "people" are just praying .

That you will play pretend *******
with them,
for the right price.
Of course,
money is alway$ the motive.

So he'll
Flash dat Ca$h
& Dem bling-bling-ring$.

Prayin' he can afford to
Pay, people to pitty play up
on him.

But I don't play or put out.
Anymore.

I am not a *******.
$ can't win me over.

You can find someone else
to drink with
or
experiment with.
Whatever you call it.

I'm just going to coast
it riding as the

6th wheel.

Till hell freezes over.
Then can I,
crash,
burn,
& fall
all the way down
the

6th route

till I hit
the

6th exit.

That will
Bring
me
Back into your arms, again.

Imma keep
screamin' at these
brick walls.

All day.
Every day.

While my clock is still
    tick
    tick
    tick-ing
.
I will be
all black
&
nothing more.

Until they
bury me underneath
the fresh black
****.
Soiled,
wet dreams
&
nightmare realities.

Of a life
that starts
later.

For now,
I am
only
One wing out the cocoon.

I've fallen in rivers colder than you.
Under all the sorrow, there is a monster.
Much worse than me.
The ghost of you.

A shadow of the light you once were.

Life's swell;
when you're drowning
at the bottom of a wishing well.

In the company of your most guarded thoughts.
Burried emotional, traumas.

A crown, I'd rather not claim as my own.
I'm just passing time until it's time to go home.

Boy,

She's
got you
all *******
again.

Just.
Bound.
Once more.

To her
infernal-eternal,
heart breaking
beauty.

Witch, she possesses.
you,
to play the pawn
in her *****'s game.

Like a champ.

But will you really be winning?

When you find all-o-those,
***** little secrets.

She has hidden in her black-lace-*******.

Insomnia.
If only,
my fridge,
was filled with
beer and a couple
cans of food.
Drinking,
till
dawn.
Drowning out
the dark until
I see the sun
rise,
then I can
throw up
& pass out.

When I was little,
my parents used
to give me
spoonfuls of liquid dawn
and
chunks of bar soap.
To eat
when I swore.
Until I broke
wore them down,
to my court
and ruled
that
I will drink
dawn by the bottle
if I have to,
to keep my
words unfiltered.
True Love.
Drink Dawn & Die.

Watch my mouth?
Wash my mouth out?
With soap?
The ****?
Kiss my ***.
I get belligerent
when I'm drunk.
I'll go cry
behind a pine tree
for a couple hours now.

I'm living
The All-American,
Poor-White Trash Dream
& the world is my dumpster

The World will end....

When the freedom fire
of creativity&innovation.;
Burns-out.

Or
even worse,
if we sell it
4 $$$$$$.

Hello, to being
bailed-out-bought by
Big businessmen with even bigger wallets.

If anything is going on.
In the meeting room.
No one, can even hear a sound of it.

For the Serpent talk,
is hard to hear behind
closed doors.

If my pen
wasn't ******'
her paper, daily.

I'm sure, I'd be
wearing a *******
jacket too.

Writer's block,
will be the death
of me.

I swear,
this in several tongues.
Like the Serpents, before me.

The hour hand's on 10.
&
The minute's on 4.

I think,
I know.

Half of me died
with you.

Way back,
when,
October nights weren't
so
******'
lonely.

Until my other half
gives in.
I'll be your;

1/2-ghost,
earth-bound.
Sun.

For the "time" being,
I'll catch you on the
astral plane.
&
I'll see you in my dreams.

</3

When your life line
stops running,
across your body's
support screen.

What time
will your clock
stop at?

Time doesn't exist,
I will
ALWAYS
be here.
<3

Stay true,
even when
the sky's
not blue.

I'm talking
to a thousand
brick-wall minds too.
Some day,
a change will ***
and
**** the ****
outta dere brainz.
;)
owww-owww.

The full moon.
& a
full on
hard-on.

This is some
new rave-wave
break-break-break
beat down

*poetry.

It's ******* back.
Let's shake
it up
&
knock em' out.
Soul spit it.
Or swallow.
But whatever you do,
just fight back.

Whoops,
I done
bit
the apple too.
Guess,
I'll go
swing-dancing
on the blame scale
with Ever & The Serpent now.

I just want to go
dancing.
*****-stamp style.
All I need
is a steady pole
to dance on.
Hello, Wednesday nights.
Pass me the fifth
please.
I wanna get belligerent & cocky.

Excuse me,
while I step out of my mind.
I'd like to be
any where but here.

Wasting away is just surrendering to the pendelums curse.

Sometimes you're swinging
forward and everything's like magic.

While other times,
you can feel your heart slowly stopping,
like a broken dream.
Crushed by the hammer we call reality.

Revelations that I am nothing more than the trash.
I never wanted to be.

The closest
is not just a home
for
******* & coats.
The earth isn't a straight line.
Its curved.
Your body is
just
a
skin-body-bag
for
your
soul.

Crayola-aura-colours
shading
the dry-sky
atmosphere.  

Everyone's under the rainbow,
if
Mother Nature says so.

I see that
you're messing
with
her thermostat again.
Comatose is a wonderful degree.
Isn't it?

Someday,
He will
abandon the circular life,
to live
the line life.

For
"life" has no
need to explain its course.

Life simply is.
Life simply happens.
&
Life simply exists.
Even when you're "dead".

Questions lurk below every theory.
But skeptics,
can be
two-faced
coin-*****.
Sometimes.
So ask away & Find out for yourself.

Always remember:
That the Dumps
have
never
been
adequate to inhabit.

Fight or Flight.

Flight,
is my only option.
High up.
High on.
Out o' here.

In times of desperation,
it is understandable,
to be influenced by instinct.

However,
it is inexcusable
to forever live
in desperation.

You deserve better.
Cause you're the best. <3

Uhmm,,,
why you drinking
haterade
at the bar?
There's plenty o'
liquor.
So we can
get drunk together
instead of fighting with
each other.
I'm cute,
why you gotta be so
ugly
to me?

The world
is a stage.
Patiently waiting
for
You.
To take the mic
and be the star
You
are.
Art is the
nuclear bomb
that can
silence those
**** spreaders
&
shut em' up
for good.

These days,
talking to you is like
screaming.
Under water

No matter how loud
I am,
the waters will always drown out
my pleas.
To the ears that need to hear them.

I think I'm cracking under the pressure

Waiting for the light
to shine through.
The cracks of broken glass
I've become accustomed to living in.

I'm not really sure how to feel Anymore.
Like screaming help in a room full of deaf people. This is starting to feel hopeless.

Using God,
as an excuse to
stab your Brother.

Praising men,
who preach pity
and create hate.

Using God,
as an excuse to shun
personal phobias.

Confession, can't save you know.
Like you said, he decides where we go.
Right?

I'll see you down here.
:)

Making life-decisions
is like making shots.

You put,
1 count *****.
2 counts ***.
&
3 counts tequila.
In your mental mixer.

Then you shake it up.
Pour it out.
Chug it down ,
bite the lemon,
break the glass
and hit the
FLOOR.

Get belligerent & stupid.
Stumble through the
black alley emptiness
we call the world,

Smack a *****,
if he is trying to stop
you from going where
you're going.


You're going to make it,
even if you just end up in rehab.
You still wound up leaving
your home town.

Life is like drinking & driving.
You know you shouldn't.
But you
gotta do
what you
gotta do.

Channeling demons against my will.
My body, used.
Seen nothing more than a flesh ouija board.
In your game of self reassurance.
I'm not the conduit, you wanted me to be.
My eye's just as open as yours.
Stop telling me otherwise.