Letting myself go
in the hope
that you'll
catch me.

•
       you
               secretly
                       wishing, for
                              your writes to be
                                noticed•simple sign
                             that they have not been
                          missed•with every view
                     and every like•your popu-
               larity does spike•somewhat
          places your art on the poetry
      map•between major players,     
  you close the gap•constantly      
checking to see  who's been              
reading•you're always deli-               
ghted to see the 'yellow                      
lightning'•a wish...                            
    for those who                             
     are writ-                    
ing      
•
secretly hope not only for your words to be
reaching far and wide, but also... trending•

its funny how everyones motivation is the sad thing
but what about the great poets that wrote about beauty
its my fuel
being sad is what i need
but thats just stupidity
because i can write about how the feeling of the sun
sends tingles up my spine
its feels so divine
no need for pain
beauty is enough
put down that razor and pick up a brush
makes you feel better to

She was pretty
and by pretty i don't mean like the anorexic models on magazines
or the copy cat girls we see in the New York city streets
just waiting to find a guy to sell there body
no
she was beautiful
and her inside light grew brighter than the outside one
her personality brighter than the sun
so just by instinct
i tried to put it out
make her like everyone else
I'm the villain in this story
yet all she did was try and get me help
so I lied
so she wouldn't help the real me
now the real me
i don't know who that is
no one has ever met her
I've seen it a few times
I cant tell whats actually me
and which personality trait I made up for people to see
lies are all that is left of me
and I want to explain this to the girl with the shining light
but all she would do is scream
because i tried to torch her light
but just like a candle
it wont stop flickering

a bit of fun
just survive the day
a bit of fun
we have no shame
a bit of fun
to hid the pain
a bit of fun
to run away
a bit of fun
to change my life
a bit of fun
so you try to fly
a bit of fun
its all the same
a bit of fun
will change the game

So im happy
this is weird for me
the first time Im awake in the middle of the night
and not silently crying
im smiling
my face isnt use to this
a part of me thought this wouldnt fit
but it does
I'm connected to God
righted some of my wrongs
can breathe again
stepped out from the wrong
now im in the light
and i couldnt feel more right

It's Christmas Eve
and everyone around me is happy and smiling
wondering what they are getting
hoping its something they would like
something sweet
while the only thing i have ever wanted i wont get
I will never get my family back
and the fact i have to spend christmas with these people
aches me
It's Christmas freaking eve
and I'm still not smiling
life freaking hates me

Dont leave me here
wont you listen to me?
Why dont you care
do you even think
you lied
but i forgave you
what more do you want from me?
I'm trying my best to show you that i love you
but thats not what you think
please
stop ignoring me
wont you listen to the words i speak
I forgive you
realize it and come talk to me
*please