It writhes up inside like a hurricane that diminishes every part of your sanity.
Fingers being pointed making you the bad guy.
Judgements from others making you someone you not.
Turning you into a monster that you never were, that you swore to never become.
Faking your life, your personality, your disposition, your words…
All for what?
For nothing.
I know who I am.
I like who I am.
I love myself.
Why should I be targeted by those who feel nothing for even Themselves.
The man who’s wife died, who got kicked down by someone who reminds him of me, is the same man placing those toxic energies onto me.
Assumptions and assumptions …
People not knowing what “minding their business” is.
Rumors , lies, gossip…
The story of my dramatic life.
It’s not my energy, it has nothing to do with me.
As I need to remind myself everyday.
Everyone feels threatened by my light and wants my light because they don’t have their own.
I can’t handle these toxic energies surrounding me.
I need to get out.
I need a place to be….
ALONE
But to whom?
Detach myself…
It’s ******* with my whole agenda.
I need to get out.
I can’t take it anymore.
Give me my privacy…

I’m hidden, lost in despair.
These voices around me, these people, these negative energies.
I can’t take it.
I feel suicidal, I wanna get shot and never live this hell ever again.
I feel low, I feel like ****.
I feel useless, weak, ugly, lost, hated, misunderstood, trapped.
Trapped in a place I don’t want to be.
Alone in my misery.
Projecting it all out in the form of anger and judgement to others.
I feel alone.
I am not okay.
I am depressed.
I can’t talk to anyone about it.
I feel stupid.
I feel demotivated.
Judged by everyone and insane.
I feel misunderstood.
No one to depend on , but me.
I am not okay.
I feel bullied, picked on, teased.
I feel like everyone is out to get me.
I feel the need to protect myself immensely.
My spiritual energy needs cleansing.
I feel overwhelmed and anxious.
Headaches and tension.
I feel lonely.
No one to turn to.
No one I can turn to.
What do I do?

Written spells and locked doors.
Mental dispels and cursed flaws.
Aching tensions and delusional illusions.
Illusive dreams and paths to explore.
Wide awake, like a bat...
My mind is on high alert, it never goes to sleep.
Constant mental chatter, an over-active mental state.
It is eternal and I live in the misery and learn to control it.
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
My mind is it's own person, it's own monster.
It opposes different ideologies, beliefs, and conflicts, into one.
I question my mind and talk to myself like a mad clown.
Conversating in my own form.

Boundless amount of wit and seedless unpleasant jokes.
Dark and uncensored, explicit and provocative.
A ***** tongue with **** lips to make you want to play with me more.

But am I really what you desire?
Or have you created your own storm.
Do I reflect you?
Or do you just reflect yourself through me.

Smile through the misery, you can't die with a serious face.
Stitch up the corners and pull it up high so you never have to cry again.
Maybe I am you, or maybe I am just suffering through my own madness.
Maybe my madness has become someone else.
My actions of contradictory displays.
But you love me though...

Lets play

I have yet so much to be accountable for.
Paradoxes and juxtaposition's that hold me in consequences of my own.
Battles that I face within my own disregard.
Doubts, fears, consuming me. Changes that I want but changes that leave me in anticipation.
Impatience, stagnation, not know how to go foward.
It's you that I want, you the only person I have on my mind.
Obsessively not being able to detach myself from your energy.
Obsessive thoughts...
Dreams that leave me in agony.
Is it you that I am supposed to be with?
Or am I insane?
Corrupted by my own mental analyzations.
Thinking about every scenario like a lost cause.
I don't want you on my mind and I forcefully try to get rid of you.
But juxtaposed, maybe I secretly love fantasizing about you.
It brings me a sense of peace...
But creates more agony that I cannot escape from.
Like my legs are glued to the ground and I am waiting in deadly anticipation for nothing.
Even though waiting is not what I wanted to do in the first place.
Trying to move on from the thought of you, but the thoughts of you are so passionate and brings me a sinful joy only I can imagine.
Delusional, It is YOU that I want, only YOU.
But is it you that I am actually supposed to be with?
Contradicted by own addictions.
Addicted to contradictions.
Paradoxid thoughts, ups and downs that I myself cannot seem to fight down a tunnel of a rollercoaster loop.
Over-analyze and fantasize, stop my mind.

It drives me insane
#love #sin #dreams #fantasy #over #thinking

Kiss me, hold me, feel me, feel it...
This intense throbbing aching lust of love.
Am I too alluring?
Can you feel me inside of you?
******* you relentlessly.
How hard are you?
Is your mind awake?
Can you feel a hole being drilled through it?
Am I passionate?
Am I seducing you to these pleasures that you cannot resist?
Irresistible, faint to the touch.
To satisfy, you cannot resist the urge.
It's pushing through every promise and memory you've ever had.
I'm not like the others...
You've loved, you've ******...
But have you had your earth shaken like a magnitude of an explosive volcano that boils to the top.
A flaming ridden peak of desire that never burns out.
It's aching.... you're about to explode.
Don't, feel it linger instead ......
Are you breathing heavy?
Are you shaking, I swear you have never met someone like me before.
Call me baby...
Papi...
Don't love me too hard, I might just leave.

Ssssshhh....
It's just a mind ****.

My mind is elsewhere...
and the only person I have on it; is you.
My mind goes back to that night; the way you spoke to me, touched me, looked into me, The way you kissed me...
The intensity and passion between us was so magnetic that even shadows could not bare to lurk.
Obsession, possession, love.
I want it all for myself.
I filtrate your thoughts, you obsess over it, you want to do more than just **** me.
You feel guilt.

Nobody has ever looked at me like that...
The mannerism of it was, was something I have never had or felt before.
I feel his thoughts, pulsating through my every nerve, my desires are not to be obsolete.
Our energies, it's intertwined in a way that I have not with anyone else.
An image, a reflection... Of me.
You are me, and I am you.

I want to feel you again, in person.
I feel you spiritually and it makes me miss you immaculately.
I see you in my dreams, waking thoughts, my soul longs for yours.
I know you feel me, I know you love me, I can feel it.
It's creating a hold of heartache inside of you, you are dared to not even breach because of your priceless ego that stops you from what could make you someone completely different.
You were hurt, and to never trust a woman again was your broken promise you made to yourself.
Yet, you saw something in me when you met me, and decided to run away and treat it for what it was not because of your broken soul that you were not ready to face.
Complacent, stubborn, you already know you are mine, and I already know that I am yours.
I've adapted, but I still think of you.
Profusely, I still remember the gleaming stare in your hazel eyes.

Yet, timing is a matter of precaution...

A love so deep, it rips apart your unhealed skull.
A mystery of illusions, inclusivity is dared to be dispelled.
May I hold you?
Or am I too far away.
Can I feel you?
Just a touch to make me beg of your despair.
Unwritten poetry, a querulent secrecy of written misery and longing.
I want to love, may I love?
Whom can be loved more than the love of thyself?
I fall to my aching pits.
I feel you...
But you are not here.