The demons just want me to be dead,
They want to bury the secrets in my head,
Sunlight kills their dark souls,
And there's no light to hold,
I'd give anything for a savior,
Give my firstborn as a favor,
I just want to not fight for every breath,
To not fight inside my own head,
I'm so tired, so tired, so tired,
And the voices multiply like a choir,
They tell me what to say,
To make everyone think I'm okay,
But inside I'm punching myself over and over,
And I try to quiet it by not being sober,

But you can't stay high forever,
I always nose dive and take a header,
Straight into the ground of which I bleed upon,
This life just seems played out and done,

I'd pray to God if I didn't think he'd forsaken,
This child of which followed him with other children,
But then I found the dark side of life,
The kind that has no spark of life,
Who's dull eyes stare out from sunken skulls,
Knees aching on basement floors,
Don't be fooled by the bible,
The devil is a female,
And she takes innocence,
While faking she's innocent,
So beware of golden hair,
And skin that's fair,
Because it'll make you wish for death,
For the rest of your entire life,

But you can't stay high forever,
I always nose dive and take a header,
Straight into the ground of which I bleed upon,
This life just seems played out and done.

I find it hard to talk,
When I'm choking on my thoughts,
I find it hard to breathe,
When solice is what I need,
Because I trip and I stumble,
Down on the ground staying humble,
Because I tried to leave once,
Oh I tried to leave more than twice,
But living always sticks,
And death never wins,

So hold me down,
While I'm drowning,
Because who needs air,
When you just don't care,

I tried so hard to be alive,
Oh, I've tried and tried,
But every night, I think,
What if I didn't sink,
Into my mind every night,
Getting into an endless fight,
With the demons that consume me,
The one's that everyone trys to see,
But I hide them deep down,
And that's where I drown,

So hold me down,
While I'm drowning,
Because who needs air,
When you just don't care.

Mommy I'm sorry I manipulate you for,
The alcohol I feel I love more,
And Daddy I'm sorry I pretend I'm naive,
About all of my bad deeds,
I tried so hard to stay dry,
But the rain it pours inside,
I'm drowning in my own self,
I'm suffocating with my mental health,
And I try, I try so hard,
To be who you care for,
The girl who laughs just cause she can,
Who asks for hugs before bed,
But I'm not her anymore,
And I'll never be moving forward,
But really I'm just someone,
Who feels way too much at once,
I cry at night when I'm all alone,
Dancing with my demons on my own,

Please don't hate me, I couldn't survive,
I do that enough for myself, and I can no longer hide,
That I don't have a problem with substances,
That I can recognize when I've had enough of them,

I'm so tired of pretending it's under control,
This feeling of alcohol that sings in my soul,
The cough syrup that makes my shaky thoughts,
Become shaky feet, legs, and hands,
I'd rather feel physically ill,
Than continue to be mentally unwell,
So I will continue to veer off the tracks,
And spin out of control, it's just a fact,
I have no sense of when to stop,
Please don't make me stop,
It's so hard to be in my own head,
Every day it's like a death,
I die a bit, a piece of me fades away,
And I'm sorry to inform you, to say,
I'm not okay, I'm just not alright,
With myself I will continue to fight,

Please don't hate me, I couldn't survive,
I do that enough for myself, and I can no longer hide,
That I don't have a problem with substances,
That I can recognize when I've had enough of them.

I wanna fall over and roll around,
In all the broken pieces of myself,
I want to feel that pain all over again,
So I know not to let you in again,
Because you broke my heart once,
You broke my heart twice,
And now it'd be shame on me,
If I let you in to see,
All the shattered pieces you left,
Before you got up and left,
Me here to rot for eternity,
In the pain of your indecency,

Because I got high on you,
And now that my fix is gone,
I'd do anything for another hit,
Even shatter my already broken heart,

So have mercry on my bruised soul,
And stay away like you should,
Please don't answer my pleading messages,
To come back to me, cause I can't learn my lesson,
That once your heart is broke once,
Then your heart is broken twice,
Well then it's my fault,
That I can't seem to get enough,
Be the person I need you to be,
That you could have been,
But weren't because we're both so selfish,
So let's take our love, and shelf it,

Because I got high on you,
And now that my fix is gone,
I'd do anything for another hit,
Even shatter my already broken heart.

****** up on cough syrup again,
This wasn't in the plan,
But they all want too much,
And I can't seem to give enough,
So I numb my pain,
In any way,
Just so I don't have to remember,
Except now I remember,
So I'll try to forget,
Numb the pain again,

I hate you and your guts,
I'm sorry about your luck,
But you're a monster now,
And monsters get put down,

****, ****, I can't think,
It feel like I'm gonna sink,
Into the past,
No not that,
Someone help me survive,
And stay alive,
Because I can't go back,
I can never go back,
To the basement,
Because I hate it,

I hate you and your guts,
I'm sorry about your luck,
But you're a monster now,
And monsters get put down.

Betrayl never tastes any more bitter,
Than when it comes from your own Mother,
To bring someone around,
Whose daughter made me more lost than found,
Who triggers me like no other,
Well to hell with you Mother,
Because I feel betrayed,
In the worst kind of way,
So I'll run and hide,
From the truth you deny,

You would cause me pain,
Just to save face,
You care more about reputation,
Than the repercussions,

So see how our relationships fairs,
When you choose not to care,
That this cut will be deep,
And see if you can keep,
Up appearances without me around,
I can already see it now,
Your own child missed her brother's reception,
Because of your own careless actions,

You would cause me pain,
Just to save face,
You care more about reputation,
Than the repercussions.

Sometimes it's so hard, to breathe past the thoughts in my head,
And sometimes it's hard to imagine my story's end,
And no one quite knows that I want the same thing,
As everyone else, everyone who's supposedly sane,
And so I wish with all my heart through my insanity,
To have a good ending, and a bed surrounded by family,
A smile playing at the corner of my lips,
So because of this time and again, when I crawl and I slip,
I keep going even though it's getting harder to take a breath,
To even contimplate taking one more step,
but I keep moving, yes I keep moving,
Even when ahead there's nothing,
But...

Pain is a motivation just like joy,
You put out your bowl and you ask for more,
Because feeling something,
Is better than nothing,
Or so I tell myself every day,
That I can smile through the pain,

So for my Mom and my Dad, I'll live today,
Despite all the hurt and the shame,
Shame for all the things I have yet done,
Because let's face it, I'm kind of a ***,
I sit on my couch writing woe is me poems,
And yet no body quite seems to know it,
but I still fight to try to climb out of the pit,
Of despair I've seem to dug myself in,
I try and I try with dirt under my nails,
And even though on the outside all I do is fail,
Well that's okay because I'll pick myself up,
And quietly think, I can do this even though it's rough,
So...

Pain is a motivation just like joy,
You put out your bowl and you ask for more,
Because feeling something,
Is better than nothing,
Or so I tell myself every day,
That I can smile through the pain,