Sometimes it's so hard, to breathe past the thoughts in my head,
And sometimes it's hard to imagine my story's end,
And no one quite knows that I want the same thing,
As everyone else, everyone who's supposedly sane,
And so I wish with all my heart through my insanity,
To have a good ending, and a bed surrounded by family,
A smile playing at the corner of my lips,
So because of this time and again, when I crawl and I slip,
I keep going even though it's getting harder to take a breath,
To even contimplate taking one more step,
but I keep moving, yes I keep moving,
Even when ahead there's nothing,
But...

Pain is a motivation just like joy,
You put out your bowl and you ask for more,
Because feeling something,
Is better than nothing,
Or so I tell myself every day,
That I can smile through the pain,

So for my Mom and my Dad, I'll live today,
Despite all the hurt and the shame,
Shame for all the things I have yet done,
Because let's face it, I'm kind of a ***,
I sit on my couch writing woe is me poems,
And yet no body quite seems to know it,
but I still fight to try to climb out of the pit,
Of despair I've seem to dug myself in,
I try and I try with dirt under my nails,
And even though on the outside all I do is fail,
Well that's okay because I'll pick myself up,
And quietly think, I can do this even though it's rough,
So...

Pain is a motivation just like joy,
You put out your bowl and you ask for more,
Because feeling something,
Is better than nothing,
Or so I tell myself every day,
That I can smile through the pain,

The lights dimmed out in my life long ago,
Yet some still make me fight to live in a world,
Who's soil is soaked with the tears I've cried,
Over people who I thought, cared, but lied,
And yet I walk over the ground,
Soaked to the bone with my blood,
Carrying on as if my feet aren't cracked,
And oozing all the love I lacked,
And craved from some who could fix me,
But there's no hope on the horizon that I see,
So I dream of an existance,
Where I'm not in it,
But wishes don't come true,
You taught me that, didn't you?

In the basement of my mind,
I cower and I hide,
From the memories,
That haunt me,
Please someone help me out,
I can't seem to shout,
For help anymore,
And I'm sorry I didn't try more,

I try to crawl now that my legs have no more strength,
But my hands can't seem to grasp at anything but hate,
Hate for myself, as a demon just like you,
And if only, if only I knew,
That you suffered as I did, day after day,
Then maybe, maybe, I might be okay,
But your life is perfect,
A partner and kids, it's kind of sick,
And twisted in the worst possibly way,
That I'm over here dying to be okay,
And you've got the life of the little girl,
Who's light you snuffed out, without a word,
Just a grunt and moan,
And now, I'm just done,

In the basement of my mind,
I cower and I hide,
From the memories,
That haunt me,
Please someone help me out,
I can't seem to shout,
For help anymore,
And I'm sorry I didn't try more.

Even if you were to forgive me,
I never can forgive myself,
For I am the monster under the bed,
That haunts my own head,
I'm the demon that possess the sane,
Molecules in my own brain,
So don't pity my decision,
It wasn't made without precision,
I thought it over so much in my life,
That I'm surprised it didn't happen before tonight,

So do not weep for the years unlived,
I would've of suffered every day I did,
Do not cry for the time we've lost,
Because they would've come at too steep a cost.

So relish every day I am free,
Reliquished from the sights I'd seen,
Inside my head for years and days and hours,
That had done nothing but soured,
Every minute that I gave to this world,
All the time I was smiling like a good girl,
So celebrate the times that I forgot,
This life I lived was a tainted lot,
And just know and never ever forget,
I loved you all without regret,

So do not weep for the years unlived,
I would've of suffered every day I did,
Do not cry for the time we've lost,
Because they would've come at too steep a cost.

When those who sang the songs that kept you alive,
Well it seems they can't do anything but die,
I wonder where does that leave you,
On a night you just can't seem to make it through?
You can't listen to their music anymore,
Because it doesn't have that magic at it's core,
It just makes you want to give up and jump,
Because all you see in your future is a stomach pump,
So where do you go?
What do you listen to?

When the rockslide can't hold your weight,
Inside your mind, where you're afraid,
Well do you slide down the mountain,
Or find a way to break your fall down?

Nothing makes sense,
Since your hero hung himself,
When their music made you feel less alone,
Instead of out here all alone,
Well now your lullabye is a nightmare,
And no one seems to care,
Do you go on along the path all alone,
While ahead you can hear screaming on the road,
While inside there's heart that's broken,
And a mind that is shaken?

When the rockslide can't hold your weight,
Inside your mind, where you're afraid,
Well do you slide down the mountain,
Or find a way to break your fall down?

This cough syrup is soaking into every pore in my brain,
And I don't know if I can survive the loop again,
I keep waking up, reaching for my phone,
Just to text you so I don't feel so alone,
But you tell me, oh you tell me,
This is wrong, it just can't be,
And now I know, this one thing is real,
Never did you truly care how I feel,
Now please just let me rest in peace,
Because I don't think I can move my feet,
They told me stand up, after you pushed me down,
And now my dignity is spilled all over the ground,

I looked for you to be my anchor,
And all you were was a mirage of a harbor,
I begged you please hold me up,
Instead you left me face down in the dirt,

Please children don't go tripping,
All you find is brain cells dripping,
Onto the floor like a withering flower,
Wake up keep thinking this time it'll change over and over,
But this is reality, yes this is real,
No matter how many times that it may feel,
Like you'll wake up back home in your bed,
You'll never quite be the same again,
You were supposed to be the voice of reason,
The one thing that could keep me from freezing,
But my feet are tired, and chillingly cold,
And this is it, I'm done, I fold,

I looked for you to be my anchor,
And all you were was a mirage of a harbor,
I begged you please hold me up,
Instead you left me face down in the dirt.