I still love you.
But only in my dreams do you truly love me back.

I followed you into the dark
I came out - crippled
- deformed
I looked the same on the outside
But all could tell something was
    Different
I was thinner
My jaw gaunt
Eyes covered in makeup
Lips overlined
The paint on my face was hiding something

On the inside I was black
There was darkness
Where my guts used to be yellow
And my heart a crimson red
Now everything was a deep , dark
Navy blue

Beautiful
Yet somber

I followed you into the dark
We do it for love
All would do it

But when you go into the dark you don't come out
The same
You come out angry
And you lose part of yourself
To the darkness

Your dark eyes are no longer filled with spark
But pain
Worry

They search for darkness to match themselves
Instead of light it searched for before

So I find another partner
Who is also dark and twisted

We take drugs together and smoke cigarettes
In my bedroom

I glance down to the cigarette burn on my breast
I tried to burn out all of the navy blue

I could feel it consuming my heart

Years later navy blue floats about inside me

Now I am the deep violet
Filled with some warmth
But equally matched with somber

I am still filled with anger
Disgust
Envy

So much impurity

I think of you
And my stomach churns
Not from butterflies
But from maggots
Eating away at every yellow speck within me

You are everything I do not want to be
The idea of being with you was once my dream
This nightmare again and again where
I would capture your love
Only for you to steal it away again

But that wasn't a dream
It happened
Weekly

You showed me your love
And instead captured me

Captured my yellow
You used it
To fuel your cackling laughs
Your large smile
Using your wit to stab me

Invisible holes covered my body
And your navy blue seeped out of you
And into me

You whipped my body against yours
I thought it was love
The only way you knew to show

But it was anger
So much anger

You slammed my mouth against you
Until I threw up

And kissed me with satisfaction

Did it please you?
To see me in pain

To know that you tore me apart
And my body couldn't handle it

So it did the only thing it knew
It went limp
Gave up

All of my yellow came out of me

Your navy blue seeped into my veins
My mouth
My brown eyes went black

Did it feel good
To **** the only love out of me that I knew

This is why you haunt me still
Because I followed a fairy into the dark

Only for it to transform beyond the shadows
And steal my soul away from me

In my nightmares you assault me

Throw me around

And no one believes me

Maybe I dream this way
Because it is what I lived

How could a fairy hurt a fly?
How could

A fairy

Steal the love from the living
And make them feel dead?

I guess they will never know.

Hay,
its the first thing I touched in this world. Perhaps I was a needle in a haystack. If you look closely you'll never find, only by mistake you'll locate. 

A mistake,
A mistake, 
A mistake, 

When I first said hey, life came tumbling down. 

Your mother is to love you and care for you. 

Not a mother of a mistake

She uses bats to crack your skull, 
She uses knives instead of hugs. 

Mistakes have no choice but to say "HAY" to everyone they meet. 

Hay, I'm a mistake, please be my friend. I cant do this another day.

She flickers softly, hoping that
no one will see her glowing.
So every day I watch her simmer
on, instead of growing.

This tiny spark that warms my heart
each time I catch her beaming,
her dimpled smiles and catchy laughs,
the murmurs as she's dreaming.

A lantern for my darkest days;
So willingly she came.
So now I need to feed her light
and save my little flame.

Were you ever real at all?

***** *** and cigarettes
bad decisions, no regrets.
Painted lips and fingertips
lace, leather, gags and whips.
Cheap motels, steamy nights
sweaty flesh and candlelights.
Pushing limits, breaking rules
naked dips in swimming pools.
Getting high while living low
riding rails, pure white snow.
Playing games & telling lies
the look of lust in lovers eyes.
Rendevouz in seedy places
sloppy kisses, hot embraces.
Ménage à trios, or even four!
Anything goes behind locked door...
Shots of Jack make it all alright-
just another dirt-bag night.