And the world stared,
as another man passed
before his time.

Preach
and preach
your moral superiority.
You're the oh so natural,
pure,
perfectionist,
healthy minority.
Tips,
you can keep them.
Stop pretending
to care,
when you really just want you
to live forever.
You're scared to die.
You're scared to live.
Get off your high horse
and roll in the dirt like the rest of us.
Your belief in afterlife is
just a way for you to set you above us.
You're obsessed with immortality,
but once you accept reality,
that we're a cycle of energy,
you're closer to being free of your fear.

I want to be good at this.
Good at life,
love,
fixing things;
kintsugi,
making things;
for this world,
for us.
Its a curse
to want what we dont have,
and I have
never been much good
at anything
for anything,
for anyone,
for me.
A swiss cheese self esteem,
riddled with inadequacy.

I remember the first time
I wanted to die.
Considered the verb,
the method,
the option.
I was seven years old
and my life was already over
in my head.
By nine years of age,
I saw the means by which to end it all.
Every vehicle flying down the street,  rushing rivers,
hilltop cliffs,
pocket knives.
At 11,
I was committed,
13,
I'd tried,
I died again,
and again,
everyday I survived,
never living.
14, 15, 16,
Nothing,

Nothing,

Nothing,

This purgatory had to cease.
Being a specter
somehow, someway, just searching
for peace
in the ground.
Better yet
let me help grow a tree,
so my life could be good for one thing.
17
I'm almost there.
Nearly withered away.
I've spent all my years
held in all my tears
rid all my fears.
How dare they say
I'm not all grown up.
Let me go.