// she falls in love the same way that she falls apart; quickly and all at once.

tumbling into his outstretched palms with a startling intensity, his fists clench and she cries.

she wants him to hurt her, leave smouldering bruises around her neck. Force your fingers down her throat and make her beg. maybe this love; choking sounds and blood.

it’s almost funny, the fact that she still hasn’t learned yet; make him your everything and you will be left with nothing.

and it feels like hell, almost romantic.

her lips part in the dimly lit room, gasping for air.

that’s the thing, there is nothing he could do to her that she wouldn’t do to herself. hold a knife to her neck and watch her soul drip from her mouth

one rib at a time you snapped them all like twigs and complained that she made too much noise. too much,

too loud.

lungs swimming in fluid yet she breathes out flowers, because that’s what pretty girls do; that’s what you wanted isn’t it babe? beauty. perfection.

don’t let him inside your head, keep him between your thighs or else everything around you will become white noise; fading into the background.

go on, romanticise it. i dare you.

force its unwilling bones into a metaphor or a simile.

pretend that we fall apart into beautiful, tragic spectacles and simply glue the broken fragments back together

she sat in the dark with a cup of tea between her shaking hands, resisting the urge to split her veins over the white walls and string her organs from the ceiling like fairy lights.

wanting to die in the most violent of ways is a lot less convenient than it seems; an unholy addiction of the rawest degree.

darling, i’m sorry he made you feel like you are hard to love,

because loving you is the easiest thing in the world //

i starve myself for this moment
gifting you my delicate sensibility emptying my body for you
bearing my scars wide open
let you touch my vulnerabilities
you swim through my body back and forth
cut my skin layer, after layer, after layer
no corner is unknown to your touch
your firm hands exploring my every parts
you grab me, lift me, toss me
******* honesty and fears
fill my body from the tip of my hair to my toes
break the wall in me as you penetrate my soul
pull the innocence from between my legs like silk
conjure beauty in me
make the bitterness in me disapear
you break me, brick, by brick, by brick, by brick
pull my hair, tilt my head
drain every muscle in me
we break walls that leads to others, that leads to trap doors, that leads to infinities
the past and the future merge into one to meet us in our present
we breathe as one, form a unity
one body, one soul, one purpose
we connect, interlock, intertwine
we levitate to an infinity of desire
reach the line between reality and transcendance
the moon and the sun both witnessing the beauty we're creating
we ****** and create an explosion of billions and trillions of blooming flowers
piece by piece, you build me back up
bit by bit, we emerge from the magic we made
from caterpillar to a butterfly
We are born again!

I used to write
My secrets in the sand,
Knowing they would never stay
Long enough to be told.

I used to just swim,
pulled my hair up and never
Really tasted the salt that foamed
After the crash.

I've ran in the sand,
Sure, but never have I
Ever let it smooth my
Skin into what it could be.

Before today, I've never
Let the current take me
Under and feel what it's like
To always come back to something.

When I say, “I love you”,
I'm saying that you are beautiful, and
That no matter what you think, if you just got
Drenched in the rain or just woke up, that
You will always be the most beautiful human to me.
When I say “I love you”,
I'm saying that I want to stay with you for the rest of my life,
Grow old and gray with you,
And never, ever leave you.
When I say, “I love you”,
I'm saying that you're my most favorite person in the world,
That I want to care for you with everything I have,
And that you are first and I am second.
When I say, “I love you,”
I mean it.
Do you?

I look over my shoulder
To all that I have lost
I look into the mirror
And see all I have become
And I can’t quite say I’m satisfied
With who I’ve grown to be
I just remember all the useless striving
And now all the monotony
I’ve always been searching for something more
But what if this is it?
What if my life is just old wounds and festering sores
With no real hope and no real bliss?

I think I know what I want
But when I get it I push it away
Or I run
My mind is vague and tired
My heart seeks for relief
I’m stuck in patterns that will result in my demise
I just want to experience life again through a child’s eyes
But I know too much now
I’m cynical and guarded
My heart just wants to love but I’m hurting

I can’t feel anything too deeply anymore
I smile, but what for
It’s merely a mask to conceal the endless yearning within me
And all the regret lurking inside me
My pain echoes like a dull drumming
No one seems to understand me
So I just keep running
Maybe, one day
I’ll run right into
What I’ve been hoping for
I’ll run right into the bright warm light of the sun
And it will absorb my misery
It will illuminate my small life with expansive love.
Under every vain pursuit I’ve chased
Has been the intrinsic need to be unconditionally loved.