Just a second closer to suicide or death.
Whichever comes first leaves behind what's left.
Tell me please lover, which would you prefer?
I'm taking one option and leaving the other for her.
A silent quiet drift away or a violent ****** mess
Give me some notice so I know how to dress
Something pretty and pink or something harsh and black
It'll be a shame to ruin pretty things when you stab me in the back
So please tell me now honey, please just let me know
Should I be afraid to die, or excited to go?
The answers at the bottom of this big jar of pills
Should I take them all right now or one at a time for the thrill?
So wave goodbye darling for this is it for me
I'll let you know if this is as beautiful as you always wanted it to be.

*The Suicide Diaries

Sometimes it is not the reality of a death that shakes us,
But the absence of beautiful life.
How I do so tire of watching all of the beautiful things
Wilt and die.

You go ahead and lie again
We both know what will happen then
Right up until your lips touch mine again
I'll go ahead and ask where you've been
You'll tell me that you love me and then
"Tell me dear, Where you been?"

You said you wouldn't leave me
Yet here I am all alone trying to sleep
My arms aren't as good as her sheets
I thought you'd never cheat or mistreat me?
But you're in her bed fast asleep
Please, make her smile about the stains on her sheets

I see when she calls you on the phone
Don't smell like her when you come home
Or some night you might be sleeping alone
When I don't pick up my phone
I'm what makes this hole your home
Let's see how you fare in this world alone

Here I am
All alone
Breathing
Filling the empty room
With worthless used air
Where are you
Off with her?
Dancing
To a stupid dubstep song
Another tablet melting on your tongue?
It's so late
But I can't sleep
Because you're not in bed
Miles away
Waiting to hold me in my dreams
Thanks, love
For thinking of me

“You’ve ruined me.” She whispered as she ran her fingers through his damp hair. They were fresh from the shower, dripping water all over one another and soaking the sheets. He’d laid her down on top of her towel and made rough love to her in the chill of the evening air that came in through the open windows of his bedroom. Her declaration was quiet and muttered into the space behind his ear. He didn’t respond, at least, not with words. In the cover of darkness she couldn’t see his smile, but she felt the way his lips moved against her neck, and his slight chuckle where his chest rested over hers. He'd ruined her, just like she'd always asked him to, and it was beautiful.

2am and he asks if I want to ****
With no attempt to butter me up

I tell him it all depends on time
It's funny, he doesn't ask to be mine

He tells me he has all the time in the world
I start to wonder if I'm that kind of girl

I tell him not to waste his gas
I guess he thinks I'm a great piece of ***

He baits me with promises of fun
Yet he doesn't try to convince me that he's the one

I tell him that I'm going to bed
He's not getting into my head

He says we'll talk another day
Only if I want it that way

I love it when he asks if I want to **** and smoke
It makes me feel special . . . or like the **** of a joke

Have you ever watched a constant fade and die?
Realized that something you loved was a lie?
I just hope I can erase this from my mind.
I wish that out last goodbye had been the last time.
So that all the good memories didn't lose their shine.
I want life to be a clock that I could turn back in time.
That I could go back to when everything was fine.
When I didn't know the truth and you were beautiful and mine.
The world was ours to shape and design.
Now you're just the liar on the other line.