The muse died
I put a stake through her heart
Put her in the ground

She will no longer
**** away my sleep
Trade my time for trinkets of rhyme

I left her
In an unmarked grave
So soon to be forgotten

She will no longer
Rise at first moon
To haunt my memories

Like a simple twist of fate
She looked astonished
The first blow upon the stake

I dust off my hands
And lay my shovel down
I'm going home

I will lay down
And go back to sleep
all within my ease

But before I do
I'll throw another poem
Upon the towering stack

I wish I could paint the contours of your body
onto my skin with invisible ink
So you would be secret
And you would be special
And you would be mine

I wish I could sketch your face into the craters of the sky
So that when I looked up at the man in the moon
I would really just be looking up at you

I wish I could tattoo my heart onto your soul
Then I would be with you always
And you would never leave my side, but

I wish
I wish
I wish


And as I stare up at the black heavens,
searching the chasms that imprison the stars
I wonder if this is what loneliness truly feels like

Like, what if the night sky, the most beautiful thing in the world
Was really only beautiful because of me always missing you

And what if all I needed was to reach up
And embrace the stars

Remind them
That they are not alone in this cold, forsaken universe
Remind them,
In the end, not much matters, we all die
But
Remind them
Death is not the end, but the beginning,
The beginning of perfection

What if what I really needed was to
Burn up with the stars
Blaze crimson in their cold light
And just
Disappear

Would you miss me then?
Would you come back, crawling,
hoping, just maybe, it's not too late?

Well, darling,
let me tell you something,
it's never too late.

We have so much
apart of us.
To give a little
can mean a lot.
To strip ourselves
we hope through vulnerability
we are felt.
As I put my trust in you
as I give you my words,
as I tell you all I can,
please don't use it against me
don't make it a sword.
I'm blindly sharing apart of me.
Don't drop me please.
I don't intend on falling on my knees.
But essentially that's what I'm doing.
I'm falling
just hopefully in to you.
Catch me?

Call me a pretty bird,
For I know to fly.
Call me whatever you want
You are always on my mind.
Don't let us slip too far into sadness
I'd hate to be unable to find
The reasons for the seasons
Happiness guised as madness
You are everything all the time.

Einstein said "a man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be."
And so I write you this last poem,
To tell you I have opened my eyes
And realized we were both feeding on the illusion
She would love you
You would love me
And I can see things for what they are
I will never find my happy ending
In a heartbreak
So I know what I have to do
Say goodbye
And move forward
Leave my heart behind myself
In case you stumble upon it and decide
To pick it up and bring it to me but
I have to say goodbye
I need to say goodbye
And take a step forward
Leave my love for you behind
And though I wish you would see
And though I wish you would choose me
What I think does not matter because
What is is painful
And I am tired of the pain
I just want happiness
The way you gave it to me once
But cannot provide any longer
So I have to say goodbye

(I just wish I could say it out loud)

*goodbye