They say home is where your family is, where the 4 walls and white picket fence that surround you, indicate you are a family,
No.
You see, beyond that perfect picket fence, my home is torn,
And walls are not my home
'cause walls are my constriction, my never-ending pain,
They are my confinement, depression, fear and isolation.
Maybe home is where the heart is, but my heart is lost.

you told me you were tired of living

i couldn't help but picture you
sitting on the edge of your bed
glaring at the bottom of a trash can
wishing you could throw up your last breath
rather than feel the nausea of a steady beating heart

i pictured you
hugging your knees on the bathroom floor
hands grabbing your mouth and chest
begging for both to stop moving
as tears leak out of red eyes in steady streams

i pictured you
wide awake as the hours steadily march towards sunrise
unable to move because the world kept you pinned to the floor
and you watch the clock tick and tick
feeling as though every minute was just another wasted

i pictured you
hurting in a way you couldn't bear
and i want to grab you and hold you
until the very sadness that makes you feel this way
seeps into my skin just so you can breathe

i can't help but picture you this way
because it is the way i was when i told you those very words
that i was tired of living
so i will do anything to make sure you never feel that way
and i will do anything to protect you from hurting

s.s

its too loud
too loud too loud too loud
the room is filled with sound
and focusing on that
just makes the thoughts of you
become more vibrant.
why don't we laugh like that anymore?
why don't we sit and talk like that anymore?
why don't we share memories anymore?
where are you? its too loud.

.
                    Time,
                    space
           ­         and everything in between.

                    Heartaches,
                    tea­rs
                    and secrets that don't come clean.

                    Gambols,
                    laughter­
                    and smiles beaming keen.

                    Deep thoughts,
                    aloneness
                    and the dark places we've been.

                    Handholding,
                    carel­ess hugs
                    and ready shoulders to lean.

                    Reckless stabs,
                    impulsive jabs
                    and caustic words we don't mean.

                    Contentment,
                    count­ing blessings
                    and hope we can glean.

                    You,
                    me
        ­            and everything in between.

.

I don't know what to say, so I'll say nothing and write
everything down, I saw your face last night at the party
and I hope that it could mean I did something
can you save me from this thing taking my mind away
I must be dreaming, so I'll say nothing because I don't want
to take your breath away and you'll take mine away too

you were sitting on the bed of the truck next to the cooler
with your phone out, looked like you didn't want no best friend
around you as you pull the lighter out, it's 3 am and I must be dreaming
because that picture is still stuck in my mind, despite it meaning nothing
I don't know what to say, so I'll say nothing and write it all down